Opinions please? I do not think this is unreasonable.

[CaraNicole]

So me and DH have been on the skids as far as finances go. He has a very bad back (Think every vertebra is messed up bad) DH has been un-employed for the past 8 months and counting. Not totally his fault but I do think he could of tried harder to find a job.

I have cut our budget so much, taken in a child to watch during the week, and the IL's have been covering the extra expenses. I make 80.00 to 100.00 wk/ watching this child and what I sell on FSOT here and Diaper Swappers. The bills are piling up and it messes with my attitude to be perfectly honest, I don't require alot of money just enough so the bills are paid and we have 2nd hand clothes on our backs.

I gave DH a three week dead line to have *some* type of job, even McDonalds would be ok at this point. If he does not have one that's it I'm going out to work at a plant making double what I would of made at my last job. DH is all pissy because 'guys will mess with me' I let his comments go, I'm a big girl not to mention very opinionated and outspoken guys making sexual comments are not going to fly with me. (he has done plant work and has 'seen how women are treated')

I'm not happy, I was a SAHM now I'm a WAHM and I wanted to be home for DS but right now I do not think it's going to work. I hope maybe I lit a fire under his butt, and he'll get off it. I'm being totally serious with him, I will follow through with not being at home even though it's going to break my heart. I swear if I go back to work my whole freaking life with DS will be upside down.

Ok enough rambling, Am I being unreasonable with DH? When is enough? WWYD in my situation. I left a bunch of stuff out so if I'm not clear on stuff LMK...My head is just spinning right now.

[thriftyqueen]

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. If he is capable of working, he should be. You shouldn't have to have parents paying your bills because he isn't working. Would he stay home with your son if you went back to work? Do you have health insurance? Would you get health insurance at your job?

[beachmouse]

You're not being unreasonable. In an ideal world, you would be working together to come up with a plan to keep a roof over your head for yourself and DS. But he's refusing to participate in coming up with a plan that keeps DS in a stable home situation and will hopefully help you plan for the expenses (college, all that sutff) in DS' future.

Take the job. DH's ego is not more important than DS having the safe and secure home that your paycheck will help provide.

And you never know. Your taking a job like that might finally light the fire underneath DH to start looking for work again, and six months from now, you could be back in a situation where he's working a decent job with some bennies, and you can be a SAHM again. It might be the blow to his pride that he needs to break the inertia.

[mtm]

If his back is that messed up, can he stand all day for a mcd's sort of job? What was his last job in? Can he go in for retraining? Its hard to be patient when the bills are piling up. I do think a timeline for a plan is necessary, if he hasn't figured something out in a couple weeks, I'd take that job.

[2Sweeties1Angel]

My father had surgery on his back last year and still works 8+ hour days in a factory. His doctor wants him out on disablity but he can't afford it because he needs the insurance for him and my mother. If a person needs to work, he needs to work.

I'd take the job at the plant if I were you. Bills need to be paid. Who cares if your DH doesn't like it--if he *really* cared that much he'd get off his ass and find a job of his own. Leaving kids to go to work sucks, but I really enjoy getting out around other adults every day. Maybe you will too after you get used to it.

[lalaland42]

The way things work at my house is if DH (or I) have an objection to something like work, then that person needs to come up with an agreeable alternative. That is, DH couldn't just shoot down my idea of going to work as a stripper without some concrete idea of where we were going to get money.

Go to work at the plant.

Does your DH need to get on disability? Is he depressed? He needs to do *something* even if that something is SAH with your DS. It sounds to me like he doesn't communicate with you about the finances and honestly, that wouldn't fly with me. I would be nagging at him until he sat down with me and we came up with a plan to keep ourselves a float.

Sorry about the financial troubles.

[Logan's Mom]

I don't think that is unreasonable at all! Its time he gets a job. Could you do a role reversal and you get a job and he stays home? Not sure what your situation is.... Maybe he wouldn't like that idea so darn much he would actually go out and find something! :

[mrskennedy]

Here's another no, not unreasonable. Your DH is the unreasonable one. He either needs to get a job, or if he truly can't as he is now, get some training so he can. And if there's more to it than that, then he needs to get on disability. But that can take months, sometimes years. So you'll probably have to go to work in the meantime. mama! You don't deserve this...

[wannabe]

If he's physically unable to work, then you need to. it's both of your responsibility to support the family - if you can do that on ne salary, and negotiatie whose salary that is, great. If not, you need to get a job.

[beachmouse]

I agree about exploring disability. And if he's not in good enough shape to go back to his old job, but too healthy to get disability, then you need to talk to him about retraining in another field if he's not happy with you making the money and him being a SAHD.

Pass him some information about programs at your local community college. They tend to be more affordable than the for-profit trade schools.

Is DH depressed because of his injury? If so, that's something that could be playing a big role in his current inertia, and that's something you need to address and account for when you're trying to figure out the best plan for your next year or two in your lief and marriage.

Best wishes to you.

[nolansmummy]

I agree not unreasonable. If he can't work or won't work , then someone needs to and while it may be very hard on ds, so would loosing everything. You are taking care of your family, and thats important. I also suggest looking into disabilty, maybe allowing your dh to stay home and raise ds while you work will show him how hard it is and he'll change his tune and go get a job. WHo knows.

[Leta]

I'll bet that your DH could get SSI. There are lawyers who explore it, and only take a fee if you get SSI out of it.

If he gets SSI, is a SAHD, and you WOH, that would be pretty ideal in many minds. It seems like it would be worth a shot, yk?

[CaraNicole]

Thanks for the replies, yeah DH has applied for SSD and he was turned down the first time. Rumor has it takes four times of applying to get it but we are looking at another year and 1/2.

DH does go to doctor and when his MRI came back it was so much worse than we expected... we knew 3 vertebras were messed up, just not ALL of them. I feel bad for him because no matter what he does his back hurts him. He is on 3 different medications but they really don't help. (he said the take the edge off but even when he was on a morphine drip in the hospital he was in pain)

I really thought that AHDC was going to be the extra money we needed to get us through this rough patch but it's not. I am being underpaid and the people I do DC for are starting to be later and later everyday. I'm burnt out watching their DD she is A LOT of work, way more than I thought she would be lately.

I do know that DH is very ummmm pissy about his back, it bothers him that he can not do the stuff he used to anymore.

I'm just nervous that DS isn't going to react to this well at all...I know DH is in for a rude awakening, I do 99% of the housework and watch our DS and another DD during the day with random help from him. I worry that when I go back to work I'm going to still be doing my at home job and a WOH job. (I'm saying when because I really do not expect him to pull a job out of his bum in three weeks)

I'm thinking I should take this next three weeks to DH proof the house and make him a control journal. I'm not an over the top neat freak I can stand a little clutter but lets just say DH house keeping skills are lacking.... I get stressed over a messy house and no money so really I've been pretty crabby as of late about the money thing.

[sphinxie]

Right on.

Maybe ask the sah mamas on mdc who have chronic pain like that what kind of expectations you might have for him doing housework and stuff (guy issues aside)? It's good to make allowances... I used to have a chronic health condition, still sorta do, and sometimes the house is messier for it. I would do the minimum that I know is important to DH, but it took awhile for it to become clear what that was.

[CaraNicole]

Whoo hoo! DH got a job!

[chely7425]

That is SO awesome!!! Congrats!!!!

[heatherdeg]

What's he doing?!?!?

[texmati]

awesome, awesome, awesome!!! congratulations!!!

[beachmouse]

Huzzah!

Here's hoping that the new job is a place that will work with your DH to keep him as comfortable as he can be while he's there.

[jtbuko]

congrats...