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Am I completely crazy?

post #1 of 68
Thread Starter 
Or maybe just naive?

DD is having a Halloween party right now. There's a three girls and two boys. They are 13 years and really good kids. They are pretty tame. As far as I know, no in there is dating anyone.

Anyway, I thought the boys were going to sleep over night. Dd has a big room with a four season sunroom. Her door would remain open.

Dh was aghast that the boys would be spending the night. I was caught off guard by his reaction and now am questioning myself.

It turns out the two boys are going home at 11:00.

So, did you ever have co-ed sleepovers as a teen? Is my dh justified in his fears even though I don't think there would be any reason to be afraid? At what age would you allow and not allow co-ed sleeppovers?

Am I crazy
post #2 of 68
I wouldn't allow it at that age. I worked at a middle school- there are way more kids into sexual experimentation at 13 then you'd think.
post #3 of 68
Quote:
Originally Posted by iamthesmilingone View Post
Or maybe just naive?

DD is having a Halloween party right now. There's a three girls and two boys. They are 13 years and really good kids. They are pretty tame. As far as I know, no in there is dating anyone.

Anyway, I thought the boys were going to sleep over night. Dd has a big room with a four season sunroom. Her door would remain open.

Dh was aghast that the boys would be spending the night. I was caught off guard by his reaction and now am questioning myself.

It turns out the two boys are going home at 11:00.

So, did you ever have co-ed sleepovers as a teen? Is my dh justified in his fears even though I don't think there would be any reason to be afraid? At what age would you allow and not allow co-ed sleeppovers?

Am I crazy
My teens have been invited to co-ed sleep overs, but I wouldn't let them go. Its inapproperiate imo. I always pick them up at the end of the evening.
post #4 of 68
I think you are nutso... 13 is when they start wanting to experiment. I didn't have co-ed sleep overs after 3rd grade... and that was when we moved away from my mom's best friend, and her son. After than any boys that stayed the night were cousins.
post #5 of 68
My sisters and I used to have co-ed sleepovers all the time. Usually we would all just sleep in the living room all over the place.

I see nothing wrong with it. Maybe the boys could sleep somewhere else besides the girls room?
post #6 of 68
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by zenenlightened View Post
I see nothing wrong with it. Maybe the boys could sleep somewhere else besides the girls room?
The boys would be in the sunroom. But I'm getting the feeling that the "you're crazy" is winning out
post #7 of 68
Not gonna happen at my house, either...
post #8 of 68
I don't think your nutso but yes I think your dh was justified.
post #9 of 68
No way in hell would it happen here. I lost my virginity at 13 so there's just some things I'm tightass about.
post #10 of 68
I had multiple co-ed sleepovers as a teen. Like Zenenlightened, we always ended up sleeping all in one room, including my brother, so there was never any privacy anyway.
post #11 of 68
i might be OK with it depending on the individual kids and stuff.

i say that, though, and i only have a 6yo and 3yo. lol.
post #12 of 68
Not a big problem at my house. We've had boys and girls over. I mean, I have a boy and a girl so are we supposed to never have anyone over?

I'd have discussed it with my kids long before the party, and we'd have aired any concerns & worked it all out. We don't assume that all kids are hell bent on sexing it up, and we don't assume that kids aren't at all interested. We just try not to assume and we discuss instead. I was 13. It's a complicated time, but I don't think co-ed has to be out of the question.

They'd likely sleep in the living room with sleeping bags after staying up until 2 am watching movies, eating stuff, and playing pool in our garage.
post #13 of 68
I must be naive because I think it's not that big of a deal. Of course, that very much depends on the child. Me at 13? Perfectly safe. My baby sister? Hhhmmm.....
post #14 of 68
I was allowed co-ed sleepovers, and for as virtuous as I seemed (seriously, I was the church-going, straight-A goodie two shoes girl) there was plenty of sexual exploration happening at those sleepovers. Truth or Dare was a popular game among my friends, who all wanted an excuse to make out but didn't want to have to initate anything.

So no, my kids won't be having co-ed sleepovers!
post #15 of 68
I never had co-ed sleepovers. Old enough to sleep at a friend's house = too old for co-ed sleepovers.

Not that sexual experimentation can't happen with 2 girls or 2 boys, but co-ed sleepovers are beyond both my comfort level and my personal experience as both an adult and a child.
post #16 of 68
I have no problem with it at all. My DD is 11 now and has gone to co-ed sleepovers. Granted at her cousin's house, but they all slept in the same room and everything.

All this talk of sexual exploration... do you think there isn't exploration at sleepovers of all girls? When I was a kid I went to co-ed sleepovers and there was a LOT more experimentation at the all girl parties than there ever was at a mixed party. If it's going to happen it's going to happen.
post #17 of 68
Thinking about how "active" I was at that age, I would not allow co-ed sleepovers. Just courting trouble IMO. However, I have a very naive 12 yo ds so I could see how some parents might not think it would be a problem.
post #18 of 68
Oh no. I never had co-ed sleepovers as a teen.

As a matter of fact, my dad stopped letting me spend the night with my brother (4 yrs older than me/same mom/different dad) at his dad and step-mom's house when I hit around 11 because he thought it was "inappropriate".

Then again, this is the same guy who said that I couldn't wear lip gloss at the age of 12 because he wasn't going to have me coming home pregnant at 13.
post #19 of 68
I had co-ed sleepovers at my friends' houses, and there was some serious friskiness going on.

I say it depends on the kids and circumstances. We had absolutely no supervision and if you are oing to have a sleepover like that, there should be *some* kind of supervision, imo. Be it a brother, sister, mother, whatever...
post #20 of 68
Quote:
Originally Posted by amydidit View Post
I have no problem with it at all. My DD is 11 now and has gone to co-ed sleepovers. Granted at her cousin's house, but they all slept in the same room and everything.
IMO, it's different with cousins. That's "sleeping over at Aunt A and Uncle B's house" not "a sleepover."
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