Induction & sadness over birth date

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I thought about it and looked around and I think this post best fits here since it is about my ds's birth and my feelings about it to this day.

With ds I was dxd with pre eclampsia at 34 weeks. Lucky for me I had a great group of mw's who monitered me and I was able to not worry about induction until 39 weeks. My pre e never got worse and both me and ds were doing fine. But because of the birth centers policy on pre e I wasnt allowed to go past 39 weeks.


The problem here is that I still feel that ds was not truly born on the day he was supposed to be and it isnt truly his "real" bday since I was induced via having my water broken. I felt strongly all through the pg that he would be born on the 21st but because of the policy I will never know

I have been told many times that of course it is his bday and I am just being silly but I cannot shake the feeling that he was born before he was truly ready. Though he was fine no problems at all.

It is kinda hard to explain and maybe I am nuts and have thought to much about it but I honestly feel this way and cant help it. I honestly considered just not going in that morning but that would have left me with no mw and no bc birth with hospital birth the only option.

Am I the only one with a induced birth that feels this way? I really would like to know if there are others who feel the same way or if I am just a bit more nuts than I thought.

[Veritaserum]

I have some feelings like that with my first baby. She was induced for no medical reason before her due date (doc/hospital birth). I actually think she should have been born on the 14th but I was given a shot of morphine which slowed things down. I also had lots of people telling me that this was just false labor, which I think kept me from trusting my body and going into full labor. I was induced on the 24th and she was born that day. I regret it, but 7.5 years after the fact I have come to terms with it. Her birth in general is upsetting to me. I've since had 3 spontaneous birth experiences that were better (home births), which I think has helped somewhat.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I hope, over time, you find peace about this.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

I don't think you're being silly. I went 11 days past my due date with my first and I was determined to refuse induction. This was one of the big reasons: I felt my baby knew her own birthday and I didn't want to impose one. It makes perfect sense to me.

[MamaCaveBear]

I feel very strongly the same way. My daughter was induced and I was not ready for her to be born, She was NOT supposed to be born the day she was born, and it will NEVER be her birthday. I don't know what I will do in 6 months when everyone wants to make a big deal about a day that should never have been the way it was. :

When she was born she looked like she thought she was 2 weeks early, which would have put her mid-may. More like Mother's day.

I don't know what to do either. I feel like it messed up the way her life would have been otherwise/astrologically.

[Ironica]

Well, I get what you're saying. I had a feeling my son would be born on July 8th (his due date was June 30th). My water broke July 2nd, but 18 hours later I hadn't gone into labor spontaneously, and was induced. Two nights and a day after that, he was born via c-section... on the 4th of July.

So, I'm not unhappy with his birthday, because I think it's a pretty cool one. It's easy enough to throw his party closer to the 8th than the 4th, too, since it's close. And we do his half-birthday every year at Disneyland, but since the first week of January is usually crowded with kids about to start back at school, we go the second week when it's empty ;-).

IOW... I do kinda feel like we "cheated". But we're ok with it. Maybe the spontaneous ROM helps, I dunno. But I have a feeling if I'd just stayed home and sat on towels until I started having noticeable contractions, he would have been born on the 8th. *shrug* I'll never know for sure.

[mom2tillie]

Just saw this post.

Although I had a c-section (unnecessary) I really think my daughter would have come on her own that very day, since I was already at 9cm. Supposedly I swelled up and that was the reason for C-section although they put FTP in my chart---at 9 cm... but that is something different. Anyway, I am adamant about having a VBAC this time and I have heard all the reasons why I shouldn't. Including my mom telling me how cool it would be for me to pick my son's birthday. "You go in, bada boom bada bing, you're done." As you can imagine, our philosophies on many things are at odds... if anything this is even more a reason why I want to VBAC, so he can come when he is ready and choose his own birthday.

I do sympathize with your feelings. I think over time it will be easier for you to accept though. Tell yourself what a caring mother you are for even pondering this and then forgive yourself and the situation in which you did what you truly believed was necessary...

Take heart knowing that you are smarter, wiser, stronger, and you'll be able to help others close to you to make more informed decisions as a result of your experience. That is what helps me anyway, when I think of my unnecessary cesarean. I have two younger sisters who have learned so much from my experience and I plan to be their doula when they birth.

-Iris

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

It has gotten easier over time to be ok with it. The feeling isnt as strong as it used to be but it is still there. Especially when his bday rolls around. I am just glad I am not the only one who feels this way it is hard for me sometimes to know if I have a legit. reason to worry or if it is my anxiety kicking in.

[Clarinet]

When my oldest was born (induced at 41 weeks, born 42 hours later after an incredibly difficult labor), I told everyone the dates must have been wrong because not only was she small, but I felt like she should have been born in July instead of June. I envisioned her to be a 4th of July baby but that would have put her nearly three weeks past her due date and for a birth as medicalized as that one, GD included, that wasn't going to happen.