Anybody a midwife here? Come on in I have a question

[Neptune2]

HI
I am considering the path of midwifery, but I want to know more about the real every day life of a midwife. I am meeting one soon to chat about that, but I would love to have other responses as well,and many different experience and stories about this.
Please tell me the cold and hard fact of being a midwife, and tell me why are you one? How do you incorporate your life into this, your family?
Thanks!

[DallasCPM]

You really want to know? 'Cause today was a doozy.

This morning, I got up, got the kids ready for school.
Got my charts ready for the day, grabbed all the lab supplies I was going to need, and headed out the door... trying not to forget anything... jackets, lunchboxes, blood draw tubes, cooler-box for transporting labdraws, charts, receipt book, etc.
Drove 45 minutes in traffic to drop them off at their school.
Realized after we got there that today was my youngest son's teacher's b-day, and he was supposed to bring a single flower for her. (All the kids were putting them together to make a bouquet). Mommy guilt set in.
Then I realized I ALSO forgot his blanket for naptime. Double-mommy guilt.
Drove 50 minutes to my first appointment of the day. On the drive I called my wonderful DH, and tearfully told him that this balancing act of working midwife and involved mama is really, really hard some days. Thankfully, he's the most supportive husband a midwife-mama could ask for. I asked him how much renting an office would cost in our area. I love doing homevisits, but sometimes it's so much time on the road that I could use more productively, if I could do back-to-back appointments in an office.
Later on the drive, I realized that my first client of the day is the largest mama I've worked with since doing homevisits. She's a repeat client from my apprenticeship days where we had a fancy in-office scale. It dawned on me that my little travel scale may not go up to her weight. Pull over to check my scale. I certainly don't want to pull it out and embarrass her if she's over the weight limit of the scale I carry with me. The darn thing doesn't say the limit on it anywhere. I call my husband with the make and model number and ask him to Google and text me with the weight limit.
Start my appointment. A few minutes later I get the text that it's good to 330. Wonderful! Appointment lasts 1.5 hours. Easy appointment.
Get in car to drive 40 minutes to my next appointment. On the way I call my husband to thank him for being my own personal assistant. He tells me he's trying to figure out a way to buy me an iPhone with google... since I'm forever calling him saying, "Honey, I'm on the road, and I need you to google X for me". That's love, and it refreshes my spirit as my butt's going numb from all the driving. Mental note: call the chiropractor and set up an appointment later this week.
Appointment #2 is a 2-week postpartum. Easy and when I do the newborn metabolic screen the baby's heal bleeds so easily and quickly. Yay! Both mom and baby are doing great.
Next, drive 15 minutes to swing by my house for a whopping 90 seconds to pee and grab a lab slip.
Drive 35 minutes to my next appointment, stopping quickly to drop off labwork and grab a drink and sandwich on the way... which I ate in the car.
Appointment #3 again was very easy.. healthy mama and healthy baby. Today has been really easy as far as clients go. And I've loved visiting with each of them. At each appointment, everything else gets left at the door, and I really enjoy my time with the mamas and the babies and their families.
Then drive 20 minutes to Kinko's to fax off a few things... since my home fax is giving me trouble sending some faxes... although it receives everything just fine.
Kinko's line for the fax is too long. Jump back in the car and drive 5 minutes to grab the kids from school. Then 5 minutes back to kinko's and this time actually succeed in getting my faxes off. Meanwhile another client called to ask to change the time of her next appointment.
Drive 30 minutes to the CVS by my house. Get a RX filled. The kids are now a bit irritated that we've run 2 errands, and they just want to go home. I had hoped to get those errands done before I picked them up, but the time wasn't there.
Walked in the door, followed by my husband about 5 minutes later. No food in the house, as I had a client with an emergency this weekend, so we missed out on getting the grocery shopping done.
Piled in the car, went to a restaurant.
Came home, played with the kids for 30 minutes or so.
Brush teeth, read bedtime stories, tuck kids into bed while my husband was packing their lunches for tomorrow.
Then to the computer to respond to emails.
Then veg out on MDC to relax for a few.
After this, I need to prepare a chart for a new client intake tomorrow morning.

Total miles for today: 142.6.

Tomorrow consists of a new client intake, and one more prenatal. I need to reschedule one appointment due to a conflict, need to check in on 2 clients that I want to follow-up on some issues with, need to run to the bank, and need to research a billing issue. I also need to return a call from someone wanting to set up an interview. And I absolutely HAVE to make it to the grocery store.

Wednesday, I have a consult with a potential client... other than that I will be spending time doing insurance billing. Then taking the kids to gymnastics after school.

Thursday and Friday.. my youngest is with me. He only does school 3 days/week. So Thurs/Friday is our special time. And it's why my Monday's and Tuesday's tend to be so busy. Because it's worth it to have Thurs/Friday's appointment free for the most part. And Thursdays, I take the boys to swim school as well.

Oh, and I have a lady due any day now, too. And then four prenatals this weekend. And a board meeting for the state midwives association (I'm the area rep for DFW)... thankfully, I can call in by conference call. Although spending a few hours on a conference call can wear a bit.

Why am I a midwife? I can't NOT be one. It's what I was meant to do. The events in my life led me to this place, and I feel it's my calling with every ounce of who I am.

It's extremely demanding at times, and extremely rewarding too. It's being a midwife AND being a business owner. And you have to have a VERY understanding family. But, it's the best job ever, other than being a mom.

[courtenay_e]

"just" a student/assistant/doula, here...

but I know that a huge part of the everyday life of a midwife, i'm already living...the on-call life. Between my doula clients and the midwife I work with's clients, i'm pretty much on call every day of my life. Which means either taking two cars to EVERY place I go with my family if it's outside of about a 15-20 minute radius of my house, or, if it's a weekend, discussing the possibility that dh will have to BRING me to the birth, and then hire a sitter to come back and GET me after the baby is born. He actually prefers the second choice quite a bit, as I often do much of my doula/cbe work on the evenings, and the weekend time is "sacred" to us, if we can possibly make it that way.

That said, I have walked out of movies, left before dinner got to the restaurant table, walked out of my five year old's birthday party, missed out on a Family (his parents and siblings) Christmas party, our New Years Date.

He has gotten out of bed and gone out in the cold in his boxers and boots to warm up and scrape my car for me at 2am so I can take the time to take a 5 minute shower and wake up to drive safely. He and my mother have each left work early to come home so I can leave for a birth. My kids have been to the neighbor's house at dinner time (without THEIR dinner) for a half hour so that I can leave before dh can make it home.

In the last three weeks? I have been made aware through friendship or professional relationships (or both) of EIGHT pregnancy losses, from 13 to 21 weeks.

The upside? I meet wonderful and interesting people. I learn something from every birth, whether as a doula or an assistant.

WHY become a midwife? Oh, my. If it's in your blood-- once you start...you may just not be able to stop. I can't imagine my life without being involved in birthlife. I have degrees in Education, Psychology, and political science. I liked being a teacher well enough. I guess. I decided not to go into politics (get this, midwives) because the hours weren't worth the pay . But I LOVE what I do now.

[Charmie981]

My day tomorrow:
Get up early, get the kids dressed and ready to go. Let them play while I assemble three initial folders. This will undoubtedly involve paper jams from my budget copier and I should have done this today, but I had to run household errands all day (shoe shopping, anyone?). I'll pack folders and prenatal bag and drive 1.5 hours to meet a potential client for lunch at none other than WHATABURGER in a tiny East Texas town. This because she graciously offered to meet me instead of me driving 45 minutes further to her house. One of the folders is for her and we'll talk about her birth plans. She may or may not choose to birth with me, as she has interviewed at least two other midwives.

From Whataburger, drive to another client's home (same town) and meet with her. Another folder is for her, but she has chosen me already, based on proximity...no other midwife will drive to her. My kids will enjoy playing with her 7 children, I HOPE. She offered and if it means not arranging child care, I'm glad to bring the kids with me most of the time.

Drive home (1.5 hours). Drop kids with DH, leave for a town 1.5 hours in the opposite direction. Meet up with my apprentice and do a prenatal for a VBAC mama who lives 4 hours from where she plans to birth (she has to drive two states away for a HBAC). After her appointment, I'll have a second meeting with a couple whose doctor is suddenly unavailable for their birth next month and they are unsure what they'll do. I'll give them my paperwork and hope that they can find an option that will meet their needs. Then I'll drive home.
My total driving time will be 6 hours in one day, for 4 people, two of whom have driven to meet me halfway. I chose to get it all done in one day this time but next time I'm going to split it into two. Two of the clients are close to due so I won't have to drive for them much longer. The other two are early on so I'll be learning those roads very well.

I'm also in the middle of a campaign to change midwifery in my state, so I'll spend at least three hours this week researching how to effect legislative change in LA, and discussing the best options with the small group of world changers who have decided to start with midwifery in LA . I'll write a letter explaining to the LSBME that it is NOT reasonable to expect me (as a homebirthing mother) to have two appointments with an OB during my pregnancy, to expect said OB to say I "can have" a homebirth, and to allow that OB to do a minimum of two vaginal exams and sonograms on me. : :

I'll work on building my website for the other business I'm hoping to start up...a "Center for Growing Families." I'll order the $35.00 pdf that will help me learn to teach FAM to local couples, and at some point, I'll go to the office (aka center for growing families) and tape off 2-3 rooms so that DH and another friend's husband can paint them on Saturday.

I'll obsess over when I can fit a third baby into all of this and I'll feel guilty for not doing as much schoolwork with the kids as I should. I'll wish I could be "just" a mom for a little while, and then I'll have another mom or two call me in early pregnancy and I'll know I can't NOT be a midwife. I'll also try to figure out what I'm going to do if one of my two November moms has her baby on Thanksgiving (and I suspect one will because it will be the only time her DH is in town that month), when DH's entire family will be at my house expecting a great dinner. I'll wonder if I should even bother buying the tickets for the Polar Express train ride that's two hours in the wrong direction because I can't go if my two clients haven't had their babies.

For me, it's not so much the volume of clients, or the being on call, or even all of the driving I do, but the mental energy involved in being a midwife. I think about things in a whole different way than the rest of the world. EVERYTHING has to have at least one contingency plan and thinking everything through two to three times from two to three different angles is just exhausting. But knowing that a mama and baby had a peaceful birth because I am a midwife...that's energizing and most of the time it compensates for all of the energy I expend.

[DallasCPM]

Yeah, the on-call life is interesting, isn't it?

I had bought tickets for our family to the "Walking with Dinosaurs" shows for this weekend as a big surprise and a big thank-you for all that they do to support me. The tickets ran me just shy of $500 for our whole family. It was a big expense, and I knew I had someone due around this time. So, I took a chance, knowing that at least my husband could take the boys, and I just hoped that my client wouldn't call in labor and I could go.

I also had my back-up midwife on alert, as I wasn't entirely sure I'd get cell reception inside the arena.

On my way there, another client called with some concerns, and we had to pull over so I could step outside of the car and talk with her. I needed to ask some very detailed questions, and while my little ones are used to it... I try and respect that my middle-school-aged step-son does NOT want to hear about vaginas, bleeding, placentas or the like everytime the phone rings.

So as we were waiting to go inside, I called my back-up with the latest updates on client #2, just in case she needed further help and my phone didn't work inside the building.

We were able to enjoy the show. Although I did check my phone about every 15 minutes...

[courtenay_e]

So it's not necessarily seen as a negative, I'm back to let you know that missing the X-mas party was not necessarily the worst day of my life :.

I think, too, that it should be VERY clear to your spouse/mate what it entails to be the mate/spouse of a midwife...and to you, actually. It's not really a normal life. Most husbands don't have their wives calling at 3:45 on a thursday, while he's in a meeting, to yell about a horrible transport. Or to whoop in glee about a GREAT birth with an 11 pound baby at the end of it. Granted, my husband's engineers are now accustomed to his asking how long it took the placenta to be birthed, whether there was a lot of blood, and how long the mama pushed...

But really, there are mates who are GREAT at debriefing, at supporting, at LOVING that we are passionate about our job...and there are mates who are NOT so good at that. It's easier to have this calling if you have the former. If you have a partner, you may wish to have them speak to your local midwife's partner, a few times, to get them a clear picture of what they're in for.

[DallasCPM]

I often tell people, "Midwifery is not just a job, it's a lifestyle."

And I think there is a whole lot of truth to that.

[salmontree]

Wow, great thread. Thank you for the peek into your lives. I'm considering whether or not to follow this desire I'm having to become a midwife and hearing such nitty gritty details as these is really helpful in picturing what it would be like.

[Peppamint]

It's crazy and wonderful... I'm only a couple of months into it but I love it. My biggest worry is that I will have a migraine when it's time to go to a birth but I've reduced the frequency of them so much through health changes that it's really unlikely.

It definitely takes over your life in a way but I don't mind... and I actually prefer being on call versus working a boring 9-5 job.

[cjcolorado]

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[MidwifeErika]

I am an apprentice, so I can only tell you on that level. it is interesting. I am not sure how else to describe it.

ETA: Aw poop, my 16 month old got ahold of the computer while I was mid post.... I don't think that midwifery deserves that angry face! I am not angry at all!!!!

I was going to put more thought into this post, but got swept away making dinner and chasing the kids out of the Halloween candy.

There are positives and negatives to midwifery. The scheduling thing.... well, if you like to have a real regular schedule then it would suck for you big time! I don't really mind the fact that it is always changinig (at least at this time... give me a few years!). My husband is supportive of it as well. He isn't interested in hearing about the births or anything, but he doesn't mind having to change his schedule based on mine.... he sees what I am doing as important work.

I put in long, long days. Not lots of them, but when I am gone, it is usually for 12-14 hours while I travel to both preceptors and have morning and evening appointments. It is hard being gone for that long at a time and feeling sometimes like I am missing out on something at home.

I have had to live down breaking promises to my oldest, when suddenly there was a birth, a loss, and some newborn stuff that had to come first. I have had to do back-to-back births where I was gone for a total of 2 days and come home to children who cried and told me I was so mean for not coming home the night before. My children though are usually understanding and usually just excited to hear if it was a boy or girl baby. I am becoming better about never promising anything so that I don't hurt their feelings if I can't come through on it due to my schedule.

There are beautiful, wonderful things about this work too. I feel right at home doing it. I feel like it is exactly where I should be at this time.

I can't tell you if it is the right path for you or not, only you will be able to figure that out. I wish you lots of luck along the way!

[kristinc]

i love this thread I have been thinking about midwifery also. I am actually a preggo chiro and I love that, but I really love pregnancy and birth. It is so exciting and fascinating that our bodies can do something so amazing. I have been contemplating eventually becoming a midwife, although direct entry midwives are not legal in IL yet. When that happens, I will be looking further into the possibility:-)

Yeah midwifery

[proudmamanow]

this is a great thread! I am also very seriously considering this possibility, and am currently thinking of entering our local 4-year midwifery education program in 2009 or 2010 (when my LOs will be 4 &I or 5&2). I appreciate your accounts of the on-call lifestyle. Good food for thought! I will also be sharing this thread with dw so she has a better sense of the impact it would have on our family.

[jrojala]

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