reframing the 'guilt' issue

[wombat]

I really find the 'don't wanna make the mom feel guilty' idea that doctors have about not promoting BF more, really silly. If doctors can promote not smoking, eating healthy, not being obese ... then I think they can promote BF more without worrying about the 'guilt' issue. I mean do doctors feel guilty when they suggest an obese person with weight related complications lose weight?? No,because it's in the patient's best interest. Why can't they carry this thinking over to BF??

"Dr. (Jay) Gordon admits that he is not particularly concerned about making mothers feel guilty for choosing not to breastfeed. Rather, he is more concerned WITH THE GUILT THESE SAME MOTHERS WILL FEEL IN HINDSIGHT WHEN THEY REALIZE THAT THEY DENIED THEIR CHILDREN THE IMPORTANT BENEFITS THAT ONLY HUMAN MILK OFFERS ... " (my caps)

Melissa Burris in her book review of Listening to your baby, Dr. Jay Gordon in LLL's Great Beginnings Jul/Aug 03

She also says that his "fact based approach is informative rather than demeaning.." and quotes him as saying BF isn't a "personal issue", it's a "medical issue"

After reading this, I just thought YEAH, someone finally talking sense. Presenting it as a medical/scientific fact also helps avoid the 'if you're pro BF, you're militant' or a 'BF nazi' accusation.

[fyrflymommy]

i find the guilt issue silly too.


i read somewhere that noone can "make" you feel guilty about breastfeeding. that if you feel guilty, it's cuz you know that you did something "wrong".

i agree with that. if you're so happy *not* bfing , then you probly won't feel guilty, cuz to you it's not wrong.


did i make any sense??

[Elphaba]

i guess one of the problems is that pediatricians are talking to moms about breastfeeding, if anyone is, and by then it's too late. if a mom is already using formula, what the hell is she supposed to do about it when her doctor tells her that was a poor choice and will have ramifications for years to come? not everyone can relactate, and even those who can need to invest substantial time and effort, and then you'd have to teach an older baby to nurse.
OBs and midwives and even GYNs need to be talking about breastfeeding BEFORE the baby is born, and BEFORE the woman even conceives.
peds can help by encouraging moms to continue to nurse, and not wean early, and i think that's an avenue where guilt should not be a concern. moms who are successfully nursing, and think they need to stop at 3 months or 6 months or are getting pressure to wean, those are the moms who need to hear blunt truths from their doctors.
i don't mean to sound like i think all formula using moms are lost causes, but the infant stage is hard enough without being attacked for not nursing. gentle words from the doctor at a less emotionally turbulent time would work better than the guilt angle.
like maybe when the baby is 6-9 months old, the doctor may ask the mom if and when she plans to get pg again, and gently probe about why she didn't nurse with this baby and perhaps set her on a different path for the next.

[manitoba_mommy]

Originally posted by Elphaba
i guess one of the problems is that pediatricians are talking to moms about breastfeeding, if anyone is, and by then it's too late. if a mom is already using formula, what the hell is she supposed to do about it when her doctor tells her that was a poor choice and will have ramifications for years to come?

This is one good thing about living in an area that does not have OBs or Peds for routine stuff. I saw the same person the whole way through and now my kids see him. Come to think of it, that might be one reason why I have never heard of a formula feeding mom around here lately, the GPS are all very pro breast feeding, the hospital is pro-breast feeding and there are no real options unless you want to drive for two hours to and from doctor appointments.

MM

[AmyG]

The OB/GYNs at the clinic I went to were very pro-breastfeeding. It's a group of 8 doctors, and one of them calls herself the "breastfeeding Nazi" (her choice of words, not mine). Apparently, she asks if you're planning to nurse, and if you say no, she tells you why that's a bad plan. When I just said that I was going to nurse, she simply said, "Right answer," and moved on. I do know of at least 2 women who stopped going to that office, though, because they thought she was rude for telling them how to feed their babies. :

However, I still don't think that they actually know much about breastfeeding. It's one thing to tell people to plan on doing it, but it's another thing to actually be able to tell them how to keep it up. When I went for my 6 week post-partum, the doctor wanted to know how well the baby was taking a bottle and if he was sleeping through the night. I let him know in no uncertain terms that those weren't our goals. Then he gave me this sob story about how his wife wanted to nurse for a year but the baby weaned himself at 8 months. I wanted to tell him that if he wasn't so intent on getting the baby to take a bottle and sleep through the night that it might not have happened that way, but I weanied out.

[Sustainer]

I like the way this article addresses the guilt issue:

http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/8.../language.html

[gigglesgalore]

This is one good thing about living in an area that does not have OBs or Peds for routine stuff. I saw the same person the whole way through and now my kids see him. Come to think of it, that might be one reason why I have never heard of a formula feeding mom around here lately

That's a good point. I think a lot of women don't easily find support for breastfeeding. The ped only seems concerned about the baby, not the mother's issues with BF. The OB/GYN will give you medicine for an infection, but doesn't help with other common issues that often cause women to quit BF. Those of us that are committed to BF will seek out alternative forms of support, such as LLL, message boards, etc. But many women, for whatever reasons, just don't. This "gap" subtly suggests that even the doctors that say they are pro-BF, don't care...I believe in a holistic approach to medicine across the board, but I think it's ever so important for the mother/infant.

[gigglesgalore]

sometimes, these support systems fail. Or the mom doesn't know that they exist, or doesn't have access to them. And sometimes a mom is actually having problems that are beyond the scope of any of these resources.

Oh yes, I agree. That's what I'm getting at. My OB/GYN referred me to LLL when I had a nursing issue. I was already an active member of LLL. But not everyone is going to call LLL, and instead, mom may just quit BF all together when she encounters issues.