Any other lonely mom's out there?

[margebar]

Hi! Its been a long tiome since I've visited the boards and I guess I'm just looking for some.... support? I know that I am better off alone than with my son's father (I told him to leave shortly after I found out I was pregnant) but I sure am lonely and have had a hard time meeting other men. I have had 2 brief relationships, the last one which ended badly and my 2 year old was hurt in the bargain. It's hard to meet new people as the working single mother of a toddler. Most of the people I meet these days are other parents of toddlers. Anyway I just felt like venting I guess.

Thanks, Margaret

[MamaLuna]

Hi margaret....I am married now, but was single for two years. I completely understand about feeling lonely, going it alone and finding the support you need is tough. As is trying to get a date as a woman with a child. I didn't go on one date for two years, until I met my husband. But I wasn't looking really hard because I didn't ever think I'd find a guy that would be good enough for us (ie, good to dd)...but I did! Anyways, know that you're not alone.

[margebar]

Thanks Mama luna. It always helps me to know that I am not alone out here and it gives me hope to hear a success story. Congratulations on you marriage!

Peace, Margebar

[Maurica]

I hear ya, sisters!

Hi gals, I am right here with you! I lived alone with my now 14 month DD when she was 2 through 10 months old. I soon became starved for aldult communication! At the time I was finishing my undergraduate degree and working nearly full-time (DD was with me 100% of the time). I would become so touched-out and conversation-hungry after a couple days of nothing but polite banter from acquaintances.

Even though DD and I have been living with my best friend since December, I still see her rarely and become lonely at times. (We are moving out in a few weeks because our arrangement is changing when her BF moves in). I just started dating a new guy and I have to actually keep myself from calling him too much! So far so good! I still miss him at times, he is nearly done with his degree and still paying his dues to "the man" with his time.

I guess I just really relate! I have always enjoyed my single parent-ness, but lately I find myself wanting a mate/partner/confidant/husband. Hang in there and don't be a stranger!

[laralou]

I can sooooo relate! I was single for a long time, all my friends were married, and I worked in nursing homes (where all the single guys drool!) so I thought I would never find Mr. Right. I just married my dh and ds is 8! Don't let that discourage you because I am a little weird and hard to find a match for.

Until you meet Mr. Right, though, depend on your RL friends and your mothering.com friends to make you not so lonely.

[margebar]

Thanks for all the supportive replies. Single parenting is such a mixed bag. Someetimes it is so great to not have to deal with anyone else about how you want to parent etc., and I find there is a special sweetness in my relationship with my son that I don't think would be there if we had a third person around. But boy when that lonliness hits it can really take me down hard. Thank god for friends, especially other single mom friends because they know oh so well what its like.

Thanks,

Margaret

[Tori]

I know exactly how you feel. As a single mom sometimes you just need some stimulating conversation sometimes. You get stuck in routine and realize that you haven't done anything for yourself in a month! Right now I don't even want to try dating. It's been almost a year and a half since husband left. I feel like it will be too hard with two little ones. I would worry he didnt' love them enough.

[MomtoMia]

Hi Margaret,

I can relate as well. The only thing that saves me from isolation is my extended family in the area and my co-workers. Other than that, I never find the time to visit with friends, especially the married ones. Of course, coming the Mothering boards and finding like-minded mothers like yourselves is a great for helping me feel like I'm staying 'connected'.

As far as dating, I haven't met a man that I consider worth giving up free time with my daughter for (she's 20 months old). In addition, I've made a promise to myself and the emotional health of my daughter NOT to introduce her to a parade of men that she becomes attached to and then never sees again. Not only do I not want to put her through that, I don't want her growing up with that as an example of how to conduct adult relationships.
I feel really strongly about this as I've worked with kids of parents who have a constant parade of 'SO's' going through their life and the emotional damage it wreaks on the child is SIGNIFICANT. Not to mention how it effects their future choices and patterns regarding relationships.

I've also personally known too many people who choose a relationship over their children's best interest.

That's not to say it's not possible to balance both in a healthy and positive manner, just that I believe before introducing a mate into the picture and a child's life the parent needs to be pretty darn sure this person is likely to be around for a LONG time, as well as be a positive addition to the child's life.

Just my .02!

Mary

[margebar]

Hi,

Thanks for the responses, I REALLY agree about not having a parade of men through the life of a child. I already made a mistake in this area. l I didn't think the relationship would go bad the way it did, but when it did I didn't realize right away the significant impact it had on my two year old. It wasn't until I started talking to him about this man and his daughter did I make room for ds to process his loss of them in our lives which was huge for him. He would talk about them a lot at all different times in his 2 year old way ..." I like Pete and Hannah"... "Hannah has this truck" "Pete and mommy aren't friends anymore"... I was so glad I got the support I did that led me to starting this dialogue with him. What led me to it was his acting out more with biting and hitting, which granted, are normal two year old behaviors, but they came out with a new intensity after the break up of the relationship.

It's an ongoing learning experience, and I'm happy to say that ds is over the real intense biting stuff and moma has learned a lot about relationships, parenting, and how very much the young ones really do know and feel about what is going on around them.

Thanks, Margaret

[MamaJen]

I can SOOO relate! I'm newly single after a 5 year struggle with the man of my dreams who turned out to be nothing but that--a dream--no part of him was really willing or able to be a partner, nevermind a poppa. So, although I feel I have been single throughout my daughter's 19 months of glorious LIFE, actually, the sense of departure is still just 2 weeks fresh. We moved across the country to seek solace in our extended family here. And so far, we are surviving...but I can't say I'm not lonely. Especailly since the best girl friend I have ever had now lifes 3000 miles away. I love my mom and sister, but they are so unlike me. My soul sister back in Seattle is a natural woman, spitirual warrior, doula extrordinaire and I miss her more than I miss my baby's father BY FAR!

I'm still worried and waiting for any withdrawals my sweet baby girl might experience from moving so far away from Daddy (not that he really practiced attentive parenting or was even around much anyway....but he's still her Dad!)

I miss having a like minded sister-friend to visit and go on adventures with....but I hope to find some here.....Maine can't be the worst place on the planet to raise myself and my daughter, right?

In peace and with love,