need suggestions on how 4 yo can be physical with 1 yo

[hippymomma69]

My DD is a very affectionate girl and very, um, physical in her affection. She is constantly bumping me, hanging off me, riding on my back, etc. Which is all just fine. Except now that DS is walking around, she is trying to play with him in this physical way but she just doesn't know her own strength. So she is contantly pushing him (she means it to be funny and usually he laughs until he falls and hits his head), or trying to pick him up, or tackling him and laying on him....

I SO want to honor her intent here, but I just can't make her understand that she is too strong to play those games with him safely....so I need to find something that she CAN do that will give her the same sense of physical connection with him...anyone have any suggestions?

And for the record, she is fairly non-verbal (well she understands some things but she's not like your typical 4 year old) and is a sensory seeker...so I can't just explain WHY she can't play like that....I need to give her a positive thing to do...

I've been frustrated and yelling way too much about this...I need a better solution.

any suggestions???

tia
peace,
robyn

[WuWei]

Did you see that swing we just hung in ds's playroom? Perhaps, something like that which the 4 year old could help the 1 year old to swing. It would also provide her with a way to meet her sensory seeking needs in a non-contact way. Another is for the 4 year old to do yoga or gymnastic moves (with DVD) while the 1 year old is an "audience". Pulling the younger child in a wagon, pushing her in the stroller. Perhaps, show her how to do foot massages for the baby, (and for mama ). We have a trampoline and little ones like to sit while the bigger kids bounce them "like popcorn".

HTH, Pat

[hippymomma69]

Thanks Pat for your suggestions! She does love to pull him in the wagon and swing him in his swing...I guess maybe I need to just make sure she does more of that...
I always appreciate your suggestions - I love your approach to your kids...

But do you think that those non-contact forms of play will satisfy the same need? I guess all I can do is try and see...

peace,
robyn

[MommaGreenBean]

With my niece, who's 2-1/2 and my DD (13 months) I redirect to patting, being so gentle, gently holding her hand. "Hannah is so little, we pat her on the head" "we are so gentle with the little babies, we hold their hands so gently" "Oh, so kind with the little ones, we just touch them very lightly"

For me, if I don't bring up what she's doing wrong, she doesn't fixate on it, so I avoid saying 'no, don't push' or 'no, don't bear hug' because then all she's remembering is 'bear hug' I dunno, it's what works for us. I sound slightly like a cheeseball when doign it, though

[hippymomma69]

Yeah I've used the "gentle" stuff until I'm blue in the face. It worked great before he started to move - but now that she really wants to *play* with him, I'm just struggling to find ways that they can have physical play without her overpowering him...I just feel like the "gentle" and "pat hands" stuff now falls on deaf ears because she can see that he is laughing like a maniac when she is rougher with him - she loves to make him laugh and sees it as encouragement.

But of course I can see where it's all headed when she is carrying him down the hall or pushing him over or laying on top of him....I mean I know she is being rough out of *love* and I don't want to squash that and I try to let them play a *little* rough - but what usually happens is that I'm cooking dinner or something and they start in on this and I'm just worried that she's going to give him a concussion or something before I can get to them and separate them!

-whew sorry that was a ramble and a half - but you can see that I'm struggling a bit here! very frustrating...I don't want her to have bad feelings because everytime she wants to play with brother, momma comes in and is all over her to be gentle - I can see where that would lead to bad feelings between them! anyway, I just want to find a solution we can all live with...

peace,
robyn

[MommaGreenBean]

Oh, I see, a totally different thing...

I guess I'd just keep one or both with you when you're making dinner ? I dunno, easier said than done. I don't ever let my niece and daughter out of my sight because of that same thing. My dd loves the roughness too, but I know soon enough something will happen, like you said.

[WuWei]

Originally Posted by hippymomma69

But do you think that those non-contact forms of play will satisfy the same need? I guess all I can do is try and see...

I believe there could be multiple approaches. Giving dd ways to meet her desire to be affectionate, and ways to meet her sensory seeking needs. When either is satiated, the other can be met in another way. Kinda like when ds wants chocolate and I want him to eat some protein, I'll offer a Reece's Cup. :

Perhaps, creating fun and silly non-impact ways to give affection to the baby would provide for the engagement. Unless, she is seeking your *intervention* ("attention") when she overwhelms the baby with physical love. Maybe, kiss each baby foot three times, and then kiss each foot two times, and then each foot one time. And then twirl around and jump three times. That might be something engaging and physical. Or patty cake with the baby's feet; or you bear hug them both together (gives controlled sensory input). Maybe make up a little routine (kinda like a cheerleading routine) which she does with the baby/with you which she can request as desired.

HTH, Pat


Pat

[WuWei]

Originally Posted by hippymomma69

but what usually happens is that I'm cooking dinner or something and they start in on this and I'm just worried that she's going to give him a concussion or something before I can get to them and separate them!

Then could you meet the need for occupying her while you are not available? Playdoh, draw, video, computer game, puzzle, shredding lettuce, stirring pot, setting table, etc. while you cook.

Pat