Babysitter teaching 17 MO to smack! - Page 2

[sleepymamaoftwo]

I would tell her that she can't hit in your house, tell her you will lend her your parenting books if she needs some ideas about what else to do, and if she doesn't listen get another sitter. If you do lose her make it clear that there is a no hitting rule in your house and it applies to everyone in every situation when you hire a new sitter.

[BensMamacita]

Originally Posted by Oana

I am sorry, but if she has the "hand-raising reflex" and has no problem using it on her own infant, I would not be able to trust that she does not "tap" the other child in her care.

I completely agree. This was my first thought -- how do you know she doesn't smack your child?

[tallulahma]

I must add that I believe that kids developmentally starting to smack and explore is normal, but a child witnessing a person of authority and trust and power smack an innocent baby is completely different. A smacking child needs gentle guidance.

A smacking babysitting adult needs education and a new job.

DD witnessed a woman repeatedly smacking her 1 year old at a store the other day and was seriously upset. My dd even tried to run over and help the kid. I told the woman "please stop!" out of shock. She looked pretty embarassed and left.

But I believe it upset dd more than seeing one kid hit another.

just my 2 cents.

Id get a new babysiter.

[HerthElde]

Yikes! Like others I'd get a new sitter.

But . . . doesn't she "get" the connection between your son now hitting and her hitting? Does she not see that she's just perpetuating that kind of cycle and that her children are likely to do the same I would definitely bring that up.

[IndyNanny]

I'd look for a new sitter. Try to find one that uses gentle discipline or something very much along those same lines. Children need to have that kind of consistency both with their parents as well as the daycare provider. It has to be confusing for your son to see the sitter's child getting smacked.

[cuddleluvinma]

I agreed with getting parnting books to help her come up with non-hitting solutions and explaining how you don't allow hitting in your home and somehow have a talk with her about your concern for her little one because of the hitting. If all of this fails then I would have to fire her.

:Poor baby...9 mo....::

[mamaduck]

She has asked if she can give him "just a tap," which I refused, and she has cooperated.

The fact that she would even ask you this is a huge red flag. One of the major drawbacks to spanking is that it impedes the development of alternative discipline strategies. Operating from a punative mindset places serious limits on a person's ability to be creative and to solve problems in other ways. Not only does your babysitter use spanking as a discipline strategy, but she lacks kinder strategies for teaching discipline effectively (because if she had better strategies, she wouldn't need to ask if she could hit please hit your kid!) As your child gets older, you are going to want a childcare provider who can teach discipline effectively. Your current babysitter mostly likely lacks that skill.

She has now started to smack her own child, who is about 9 months old. My son sees this and thinks that he can do it too.

Children learn best through their direct experiences, but what they see modelled is also very powerful. For some children, seeing someone else shamed and hurt is more painful than experiencing it themselves. IMO, this situation is unacceptable.

Sadly, she is one of the best child care solutions we've had--and really, she's pretty good overall. When it comes down to it, no one will raise my kids the way I would except for me. If anything, you've encouraged me to do what I should have been doing all along--looking harder for a way to quit work so I can be home with them.

But there ARE childcare providers who are trained in developmentally appropriate techniques, and who do not hit children. A young child being *hit* in daycare is NOT the norm.

[phathui5]

I'm with Oana. How do you know she isn't hitting your son if she's willing to do it to a 9 month old?

[Farore]

Thanks, everyone, for the advice. Most everyone has affirmed what I was already thinking--really since she asked for permission to "tap." We are going to keep our eyes open for another babysitter. It may take some time to find someone in this area who agrees with us on parenting/discipline. Daycare centers (at least the ones in the area) don't generally have the spanking/smacking issue, but they tend to be force kids into schedules for their convenience. I thought home care might be a better alternative, but I guess not in this case.

The fact that she would even ask you this is a huge red flag. One of the major drawbacks to spanking is that it impedes the development of alternative discipline strategies. Operating from a punative mindset places serious limits on a person's ability to be creative and to solve problems in other ways. Not only does your babysitter use spanking as a discipline strategy, but she lacks kinder strategies for teaching discipline effectively (because if she had better strategies, she wouldn't need to ask if she could hit please hit your kid!) As your child gets older, you are going to want a childcare provider who can teach discipline effectively. Your current babysitter mostly likely lacks that skill.

Mamaduck, this really made me think. Our plan is for me to stop working within the next few years so we can homeschool, so I'm hoping not to have the child care issue when the kids are older. I'm afraid too much damage might be done by that point. Our childcare experiences have convinced us to accelerate the timeline--perhaps to a few months instead of a few years.

Anyway, thanks again. You've all been very helpful, even if just to convince me I'm not crazy and overreacting.

[aussiemum]

Originally Posted by hakeber

not to sound like an echo, but I would fire her and tell her why.

Oh...OR tell her she's needs to stop hitting her child, and tell her why, and tell her that her employment is dependant on that fact.

I like this direct approach.