Grace-Based Parenting-Anyone Read It?

[PaxMamma]

i'm newly the church librarian and have spent the past several months readidng and pitching some really nauseating crap out of our parenting section. now i need to add to it and am trying to find some titles. i've heard GBD referenced here before, so i went to borders and flipped through it. freak that i am, i started reading from the back and found a paragraph on spanking where he mentions that his son would stare a spanking in the face and not flinch, but his daughter would start crying before the spanking even began.

for those who read it, did this throw anyone off? was it in line w/the rest of the book?? i'm fearful of including something like this b/c of the aforementioned crap.

i was going to order Biblical Parenting, too, but after reading GBD, i'm hesitant. does anyone know if there are spanking references in there, too?

i am also going to order "How to talk so kids will listen" and "Hold on to your kids": neither outright christian, but i think it will be fine. it would just be nice to have some gentle "christian" references.

[Janelovesmax]

Originally Posted by dkeoshian

i'm newly the church librarian and have spent the past several months readidng and pitching some really nauseating crap out of our parenting section. now i need to add to it and am trying to find some titles. i've heard GBD referenced here before, so i went to borders and flipped through it. freak that i am, i started reading from the back and found a paragraph on spanking where he mentions that his son would stare a spanking in the face and not flinch, but his daughter would start crying before the spanking even began.

for those who read it, did this throw anyone off? was it in line w/the rest of the book?? i'm fearful of including something like this b/c of the aforementioned crap.

i was going to order Biblical Parenting, too, but after reading GBD, i'm hesitant. does anyone know if there are spanking references in there, too?

i am also going to order "How to talk so kids will listen" and "Hold on to your kids": neither outright christian, but i think it will be fine. it would just be nice to have some gentle "christian" references.

I have both books. I haven't read GBP only because of that statement you mentioned. I am planning on reading it, but it kind of on the bottom of my list still.
However, Biblical Parenting is great, or so I thought. Completely anti-spanking if that's what stopping you.

I haven't read Hold on to Your Kids, but I did read How to Talk... and enjoyed it.

[WuWei]

Grace Based Parenting is different than Grace Based Discipline. GBP is Tim Kimmel, not Crystal Lutton. Pastor Lutton would never endorse spanking, from my understanding.

http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co...rystal/gbd.php

ETA: here are some articles and book recommendations from Gentle Christian Mothers: http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co...discipline.php


Pat

[highdesertmama]

I have read it, but it's been awhile. I know that I did like a lot of what he had to say and honestly, I don't remember that part. After reading other "Christian" stuff (probably the aforementioned crap you threw out!) I was relieved to find something that wasn't all about physical discipline.

I remember thinking that he didn't have a lot of concrete suggestions. What I did like was how he emphasized that God extends us grace all the time, every day, why would we not do the same for our children? That really resonated with me. I'll have to reread it. I really like the Gentle Christian Mothers site as well.

[Natsuki]

I have read most of the book, including the section on spanking. I would *not* say that he supports spanking. i feel that the way he addresses it provides an 'out' for people who are in an environment that is very pro-spanking b/c he speaks against a biblical mandate of spanking and doesn't promote it.

I feel very comfortable recommending this book to people b/c it lays an excellent framework for grace-based living and strong relational parenting in a way that is not alienating or polarizing to those from a conservative parenting tradition - it is a good 'bridge' book IMO. I feel about his section on spanking like I do about Kevin Leman's in Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours (a book i feel comfortable recommending to those with older children/teens).

(it is on p.224-225 under heading "4. Discipline")

To my knowledge, this is the only part that mentions spanking in his whole book - and it is tucked away at the very end. Someone who is spanks and reads his book will not be incited or encouraged to spank more, and may be convicted to utilize other discipline strategies more often instead as they adopt a grace-based paradigm. Someone who does not spank will find support for their conviction from a respected Christian parenting book.

[PaxMamma]

of course i realize that i can not change the way people think, but i worry that having even a paragraph about spanking would perhaps a) legitimize it as a tool and b)reinforce that it is ok. kimmel advocates all of the grace-based stuff, but also describes at least two episodes in which he did spank, and it leads one to believe that it is/was common practice. does that make sense?

[Natsuki]

That does make sense, and I think you have to judge the culture of your church and see what books would be appropriate. I personally think that a parent who read and implemented the principles in the book would be less likely to spank, and that paragraph was thrown in so that a conservative evangelical audience would not dismiss the book altogether as 'psychological mumbo-jumbo' since spanking tends to be a sacred cow for many in that crowd, which is why i'm not opposed to the book.

For me, it falls under the category of 'the better you parent, the less you will spank' (hopefully not at all).

[Fuamami]

I gave this to a friend who is a spanker, and my spin on those paragraphs was, "Look how poorly this worked out!" I thought he was offering them up as examples of mistakes he had made and wished he hadn't. I really liked it, even though I'm an atheist. I don't think anyone would come away from that book feeling that their spanking was justified.

[MommaLyon]

Love those links!! I just bookmarked them.

[crunchyintexas]

dkeoshian,

Have you heard of/considered the Love and Logic books, such as Parenting with Love and Logic and Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood? Not Christian, but anti-spanking.

[Swirly]

Biblical Parenting, by Crystal Lutton does not support any spanking or punitive discipline whatsoever. I love her!

[PaxMamma]

Originally Posted by crunchyintexas

dkeoshian,

Have you heard of/considered the Love and Logic books, such as Parenting with Love and Logic and Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood? Not Christian, but anti-spanking.

i haven't read these, but am quite familiar w/lots of good parenting books. i love kohn, leo, rosenberg, and others. i'm just trying to find some "christian" ones that don't make me puke, for the sake of the church library.

[Maggirayne]

I read it and thought he was saying that was why he stopped spanking.

Yeah, I felt like he didn't have specific concrete suggestions, but did emphasize God shows us grace, and it's our job as parents to model that to our kids. Thanks for the links, I'm working on learning because I don't want to spank or use punitive discipline, and my family and DH, well, never heard of such before.

[WuWei]

Hey, I just saw this posted in Spirituality. It might be helpful.

check out the parenting section here:
http://www.quakerbooks.org/parenting


Pat

[AngelBee]

:

[mammal_mama]

I checked out Grace-Based Parenting once, and never made it to the spanking part at the end. I was mostly kind of bored by the book; it didn't really challenge or stretch me (at least the parts that I read) in the way that Unconditional Parenting did.

But then, I checked it out AFTER I'd already turned my back on spanking and punitive discipline. I was SO beyond being able to see it as "radical" for the author to "let" his teenaged son bleach his hair, or to "let" the teens in his church dress however they wanted, IYKWIM. Kids (and adults) in my church have been doing that kind of stuff for years now. It's just nothing new to me.

That said, I've heard that some Christians have found GBP very helpful as a transitional book. And for people used to mostly reading/listening to folks like Dobson, GBP probably won't seem boring at all. And the fact that he teams up with James Dobson makes him more credible to many in the Christian community.

I (sadly) agree with Natsuki that spanking is a "sacred cow" to many in my faith -- so if you can introduce Gentle Discipline concepts without seeming to attack the "sacred cow" ... well, it's always better when people feel like it was their own idea to dethrone the cow.