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Happy Second Birthday, November '05 Babies! - Page 7

post #121 of 270
Hey Monique, you do remember that during my second birth, I asked the MW if she could just pull him out, right? Everyone laughed at me, even at that point. His head was halfway out, I just wanted to quit. Whattya mean, midwives don't bring along forceps and a vacuum? What kind of two-bit operation is this?

That was a low point. I think I would be very, very uncomfortable watching a video of it.

Buuuut, when I was pregnant, I did watch a labor video produced by Penny Simkin, showing the wide variation of ways women labor. It was very reassuring, because it went beyond the duality of loud out-of-control TV screaming and silent suffering. There's such variance in vocalization, what people say, what makes them feel better.


Trolling for article help again: Did anyone here have an unusual baby shower? Something really different (even if you swiped the idea from someone else)?

Or know someone else who did? We're a creative bunch, I'll bet someone has a few good ideas...


Amy, inspired by you, I am trying to night-wean again. I am withholding judgement until at least a week goes by...
post #122 of 270
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingspaghettimama View Post
Trolling for article help again: Did anyone here have an unusual baby shower? Something really different (even if you swiped the idea from someone else)?

Or know someone else who did? We're a creative bunch, I'll bet someone has a few good ideas...
I love the fill the freezer with postpartum meals shower idea. Especially when you're trying to avoid all of the baby "stuff". Plagio (now PicnicBear?) who used to be in our DDC had a cloth diaper shower.

Monique, a smattering of thoughts for you (and myself, too)... I don't think the UC ideal of independence and self-sufficient birthing is the right thing for everyone. It may seem ideal, but I found the ability to ask for and receive support to be one of the huge challenges for me as a "strong independent woman" in motherhood, and needing and being able to receive support in labour was a wonderful initiation and step towards the growth that I needed to be a better mother. Do you think that feeling like your mother in labour helped you to grow as a mother (as a mother very unlike her, I must add)? Or served some other purpose?

FWIW, I think you seemed very strong in the video. Accepting support *is* powerful. And my other very disjointed pondering- do you think you would have been more centered and independent without the support around (as in you needed them because they were there), or would you have felt more alone and abaondoned because you didn't have the support you wanted/needed?

And like FSM, I'm really glad that I don't have reminders of the things that I said/yelled during transition and birth. (I wasn't very mind over matter about my perineum yelling about delicate parts of my anatomy and how I thought they were going to tear, that's for sure).

And we're doing another attempt at some kind of night-weaning again, too. We bought two pairs of "magic pajamas" today that help Neela sleep without nursing. I'll report back
post #123 of 270
Quote:
Originally Posted by willemsmamma View Post
Oh, yes. Definitely. It was even different than what I remember watching last year or even the first time I watched it after Gabriel was born. I remember being so, so, so tired during labor and just wanting to quit (I know, transition... but I felt like that throughout). After all the "I think it's my time" misfires and prodromal labor I was just wasted emotionally and I remember thinking that I just didn't **want** to do it. So very different from the first time where I stayed with it and just let the labor take me where it needed to. I felt more centered (much more snappy to everyone around me) in my first birth than I did last time.
I'm glad we videotaped it. I noticed funny things like me yelling at the mw to not push the baby back in!!!! and asking if I needed a hot compress (to which she replied, no, you're in a hot compress). I guess I just have these perfectionistic ideas about birth, you know, the ones where the woman remains strong and is able to breathe through the surges and then has a huge smile on her face in the moment of birth etc etc. Not that I expect that to be my story everytime. I just felt so helpless. So out of control. And even though I expected to be out of control I still wanted to be able to go with it. I saw how focused I became when my mw locked eyes with me and just kept repeating affirmations over and over. And when my body started to shake (with the last contraction or two) she got my attention and did it again and it just calmed me. It really irritated me how annoyingly clingy I was emotionally and so pulsitilla-like in nature. And how much my voice sounded like my own mother (who moaned and cried just about everyday of my childhood... she's needed psychological and emotional therapy all her life and has never gone). I think maybe part of my clingy, needy actions were just a part of my hidden fears of abandonment and rejection mostly surrounding the lack of relationship with my mother.
So yeah, there's fear now that it will be more intense this go around. I remember exactly how I felt during those contractions. I kept catching my breath in sobs as I listened to my voicing through them. Like partly in awe of the power of birth but partly afraid for myself that I won't be able to do it again. I really thought I wouldn't make it last time. And I'm afraid that I won't have the support I want (even though dh was LOADS more supportive during my second birth as opposed to my first where he was more the bystander). I realized that we WILL NEED someone to be here with the kids (I was kind of hoping to skip that and just have it a family affair). I have someone in mind but it so goes against the intimate UC I have in my mind... that darned perfectionistic idea that I can't shake, not because it feels right but because I feel like I've come short if I do less. How can I feel this way after two beautiful and peaceful homebirths. It's all about perspective, isn't it?
Granted, I'm comparing myself to an iconic standard of who knows what. I don't really have a realistic idea about what birth really is like apart from birth in my own home. And all the UC stuff I've read has made me feel less than in terms of feeling like I want and need the emotional anchor that only another woman can provide. I was in birthing heaven last time, what, with dh supporting me physically in the tub/birth position, one midwife keeping track of baby's heartbeat and holding pressure on my sacrum, and one bobbing around here and there, making sure I was anchored emotionally. And yet I acted like a freaking wimp. And that's what really ticks me off. How I acted. I wanted to give birth and be able to stand on my own and get out of the tub on my own and **help** myself rather than need to be helped. It was that part of it all that caught me off guard and disempowered me.
There's also fear in the part after the actual birth where I'm in the tub, holding Gabriel, leaning back on Chris and my head sort of starts bobbing up and down and my eyes start closing and I can hear just enough edge in my mw's voice to know that it wasn't a good sign to them. I was in a hormonal high (but not feeling too good about it) for quite a while and I just wanted out. I drank and ate a TON afterward (as soon as I birthed the placenta and urinated) and kept it up for about three days. I couldn't stop the hunger. The actual postpartum time was so special. I slept skin to dewy skin with Gabriel that first night. He was such a good nurser. and so peaceful. Such a little bundle of peace.
I just feel like I need some perspective on all of this because I just don't feel ready this time.


Plus.. and I feel okay saying it here... I don't have the support I did in our ddc with this new one. I'm there enough to know the regular posters etc but I just don't feel the wonderful feminine mothering energy of Fern, or the sage advice of Helen and Kavita, or the animation and fun of Aubrey, or the bright happy energy of Amy and Honeytree, or the sweetness of Awaken, or the levelheadedness of picnicbear, or the go-get-'em ness of Gunter and samsmama... (please no one feel left out if I didn't name you) I could go on and on. I'm glad there are a couple of us in the new ddc together but there's no real kinship goin' on. just blugh. I'm awful aren't I????

Monique, I'm going to address this on here because you're posting it on here.

first of all, give your new DDC a bit of time--I don't remember really feeling our DDC come together until later (toward the middle-end of the 2nd trimester) until then I was sort of still getting to know people and actually kind of missing the relationship I'd established with the TTC forum onethread!

I am going to be frank about this--I have real difficulty understanding your perspective about birth. Partly, I guess this is because I've attended so many births, and there are so many different ways it goes that I kind of don't have the same sort of attachment to any sort of way of being or acting. to me, it's all part of the wonder and mystery and individuality, so there is not the same "Kodak moment" in my imagination that is from someone else's birth story or Spiritual Midwifery or the UC forum or whatever. In my mind, it's kind of like trying to look a certain way or behave a certain way when you're having sex/ having an orgasm . . . the difference between spontaneous authentic sexual expression and being a porn star is that in one you're in your body, emotions, and experience, and connecting with another person, whereas in the other you're worrying about it making it *look* like you're feeling a certain way, because that's the way you have it that it's "supposed" to feel and look, because of some external or internalized concept of what's sexy. So, that said-- How much of your feeling about your birth is about how you felt it "from within" at the time and remember, and how much of it is how it looks on video as opposed to how you think it "should" look, how you "should" have behaved? You've mentioned things before about feeling upset by having emotional needs or being needy in labor or depending emotionally on your midwives. (in this post and elsewhere) And of considering that you want to UC but not feeling sure about it, and then feeling upset with yourself for not feeling sure or maybe wanting someone there. I mean, I guess I think that your idea of how you "should" feel is really based in somewhat of a fantasy. Or maybe it's a slice of reality, but it's not everybody's reality, the same way, every time. And that there is an alternate, natural birthing and also a UC'ing propaganda which is an equal and opposite reaction to a different propaganda. (Ie, "women should be totally powerful and completely independent in birthing" is a sort of reaction to the medicalized birth climate of "women are helpless in birth and need someone else to deliver their babies". I think both of these oversimplify and don't really express the very complex and multilayered truths about the experience of birth. Anyway, the whole "triumphant fabulous natural birth story" has turned into some sort of genre of its own which is by nature sort of skewed--people who are inclined to write their birth stories especially somewhere like MDC or in Spiritual Midwifery or in UC circles or whatever have specific agendas about birth and about changing cultural biases about birth, and so there is a tendency to sort of gloss over some of the ideas that are bad PR for their preferred method of birth. there is a reason for writing a birth story (to create meaning from your experience, to remember it) but there is also another reason or motive entirely behind sharing it, some of which can simply sometimes be to tell something, but sometimes it's to prove a point. And the medical model of birth is that it's something done to you by other people (doctors) so the antithesis of that is that it's something that you do entirely by yourself, so there can be overemphasis on that value that gets brought out in some birth philosophies and some birth stories-- it's kind of a reaction to the other extreme. I don't know if that makes sense, but I don't know how to say it any differently. Now, obviously I'm a midwife so I am biased in favor of having a knowledgable, skilled and supportive attendant in birth. At this point I don't really believe in UC for a number of reasons, which I would prefer not to debate on this thread. However, I will point out that ideas of the "ideal birth" are somewhat rooted in particular other assumptions and involve some other cultural assumptions--for instance, the roles and relationships between husband and wife, etc. Yes, historically in many societies women have birthed alone or with only the husbands there, but in most of the research I've done I've realized that much of the time this was not in fact by choice--women have generally preferred to have other close women around (mother, sister, friend, neighbor women, etc.), if only for the company and reassurance of other people who are there who have done it before and gotten through it! Just because we could do it alone or only with a husband, doesn't mean that we necessarily *should*, or *have to.* Sure, that's one way to do it, but why is that the "best" way? I guess what I wonder is, what do you think you have to prove by birthing in this particular way, and who do you have to prove it to? I have no doubt that you could have birthed your baby on your own--the baby would have come out, whether your midwives were there or not, and whether you were freaking out or not. If you needed to get out of the tub and there wasn't anyone to help you, you would somehow have summoned the strength to do it. But my point is, you didn't *have* to, and it doesn't make you needy or weak or wimpy! As I'm writing this I'm thinking of that movie where Tom Hanks is stranded on a desert island for several years after the plane he's on crashes, and everyone thinks he's dead and has given up looking for him, and at some point he develops a toothache that is so horribly desperately painful that he knocks his own tooth out, using the blade of an ice skate that's washed up on shore as a wedge and a big rock as a hammer. He basically whacks his tooth out and then passes out from the pain. Now, if you or I were in the same position, I really think that we could or would be able to do that. But by the same token, I wouldn't do that by choice, just to prove that I *could.* You know, I don't remember who said it, but someone said that courage is not the absence of fear, it's feeling the fear but doing it anyway. I think birth by it's very nature is inherently fraught with fear, anxiety, and doubt. Different philosophies of birth have different ways of viewing this and different strategies for managing this reality, but I think that at its core we encounter a very basic and primal aspect of our mortality and physicality when we give birth, and it's enough to really scare the crap out of anyone. Physically, I can't think of many more sensations that are as terrifying as having that kind of power moving through your body through no volition of your own. You can try to deal with that reality by anesthetizing that feeling away (as about 90 % of the US population is currently doing with epidurals) or you can choose to acknowledge that and feel it and birth through that anyway. (sort of side note here on this is that Michel Odent has noted that a surge of fear or anger are characteristic of the phase of "about to push a baby out." I watched your birth video and I have read your words and I remember a bit about how that time was for you and I see someone who was exhausted and worn out from the events before going into labor and many weeks of prodromal contracting and false starts and mothering a toddler, who was really worried about her DH being there to support her in labor and birth (and I think you noted while pregnant with Gabriel that your DH was sort of being, well, kind of jerky when Willem was born, did you not?). Seems to me that at the time of birth, you were deeply in "laborland" and on the precipice of giving birth, and in the sort of dreamy druggy "out of it" mental state that most women experience at that stage of labor to some extent or another, and being physically pulled back by your body back into the physical pain of , sort of like when a kid has a helium balloon on a string and lets it float up and away, and then suddenly jerks on the string and the balloon moves down suddenly. I've seen lots of women experience something similar, and it's pretty challenging to be on that sort of roller coaster. it's very disconcerting to experience that. That's a slice of the real, true nature of birth. Just as it's not all screaming and blood and doctors, it's also not all candles and aromatherapy and intimacy and being either this serene smiling madonna or xena warrior princess kicking some birthing ass, or the venus of willendorf, or Sexy Orgasmic Birthing Lady, or some mythical tribal woman somewhere going off into the field/forest/hut somewhere to squat and have a baby no muss, so fuss and get on with life. Those are all just as partial and distorted and incomplete as the medical stereotypes and archetypes of birth and birthing women and we shouldn't hold them as our truths either, because they can't begin to define or contain the vastness of the reality that is birth. And you know, as far as having midwives/other women attendants present, sometimes it takes more courage and strength to be open, to let somebody in and help you, than to try to do everything by yourself. Especially when you've learned to get through in life and be okay primarily by not depending on other people to take care of you, not having to trust or depend on other people, and not letting other people in emotionally. That's not wimpy and needy and weak and clingy--there is strength in being able to allow yourself to be vulnerable and open, allowing others to help you and you to be helped. And if you need some mothering from someone because of your own lack of being mothered when and how you should have been, then good for you for finding someone who can do that for you when you need it! That's not being needy, that's being that's smart and healthy and in tune with yourself and your own reality. The only thing that I find is disturbing me is why you are bashing and critizing yourself now--it's like you're being a bit mean and abusive, to your Self, for feeling some pain and fear and letting yourself be helped and supported. There's just a sort of lack of compassion toward yourself there. Stop picking at yourself, or holding yourself up to some sort of externally imposed or internalized ideal! Be as kind and gentle to yourself as you would be toward your kids, or your friends, or a patient! Give yourself some credit--a lot of credit actually!

And on a practical note, even if you decide to UC, I think it would be a big, big, huge mistake to not have someone there for the kids. They are too little to be expected to handle it on their own and be supportive/helpful participants, and you really can't be expected to be attending to them while you're in labor, and your DH really can't be in three places at once (with you and with each of them. to say nothing of himself.) Even practically, you just can't leave them unsupervised enough at these ages to really labor, and it might be really scary for them and/or inhibiting for you. It would really not be fair to them, or yourself, or even your DH.
post #124 of 270
Yuck. Two bad nights with Skye on the trot, with nasty dreams, and I've lost the knack of cosleeping with her. It doesn't feel right having her in my personal space with her arms wrapped right round my neck and her fingers in my ponytail any more, and I feel like crap about that : Am I really bad because I want to snuggle my beanbag instead of my daughter?

Monique: I started a thread down in UC thinking about this. What I know is that from the point that my early labour started, I cycled again, and again, and again through the excitement/seriousness/selfdoubt cycle of emotions. They're not just words: it's the common experience of how our minds are programmed to cope with labour. The UK still doesn't have a concept of prodromal labour, but there is an acknowledgement that some women have a really tough time getting to the magic 3 with regular ctx. There's still no real body of evidence on what women go through those last few weeks where they're contracting and working hard, but have nothing to show for their efforts. My overwhelming memory of transition was not that it was hard, that I couldn't do it: my first thought was that because I wasn't contracting, I wasn't having a baby. It was a false alarm, and I'd put my family through all that, held Isaac out that little bit longer to get him to the doctor, called for help with the kids for no reason. It was total clear clarity that what I had felt was wrong and that the reality was that I was not in labour and that my baby was not coming today. THAT was my self-doubt moment. Prodromal labour seriously, seriously messes with the head when you have it that intensely. If you go and read the Nov 07 threads, Kontessa had something very similar this month, and her thread in HB is both heartbreaking and so,so, so,so familiar to what we went through. 2bluefish is doing it now in UC (I love you so much, I came and posted here before I went to see if she had her baby yet) and the self-doubt creeps in occasionally, though she's mostly in the excited phase. This is hard, serious stuff, and we are hard-wired to respond negatively emotionally to labours that begin in this way. Three/four weeks of feeling like a fool, like you can't do it, versus a few hours of the real stuff that gets the endorphins going? What's the brain- and the body- going to remember more?
Now, at 29 weeks, my BH have moved up a gear and have already moved to their "turning" pattern of trying to get baby head down, coming regularly at 5 mins apart at times, and frankly, I'm scared of going through that again. I can do it though.
You've seen from my birth story what a surge of adrenaline can do to a labour. I think you need to figure out what you're going to do if the worst happens and one of your kids needs emergency medical attention when you're in active labour. As long as you have a contingency plan and you can get help if you need it, I think you're going to be fine.
post #125 of 270
Monique, I can only say that I really relate to what you said about knowing on one hand that a perfectionist ideal of birth is not helpful to have, and on the other hand feeling like that ideal is EXACTLY what you want. I had--and still do have--in my mind that picture of an ecstatic birth from Spiritual Midwifery. Honestly now, who's NOT going to want THAT birth, given all the choices? I tried hard to love the birth I did have, and especially the person I was in that birth, and maybe Kavita's right--maybe my love for myself was conditional on my reaching a certain cultural expectation. All I know is that I still struggle with it.

On a bad day, I feel like I could never do a homebirth again, that I couln't bear to face the same birth team, that my husband and everyone who was there must think I didn't do very well, etc.

On a good day, I recall the little mantra, uttered by some sage mama on this very DDC (lamentably, I've forgotten who!), and which I copied onto a slip of paper and had taped onto the mirror in my bathroom for weeks:

"This birth is not a test of my grooviness."

Many, many s, mama. And incidentally, I was, and am, so thankful for YOUR presence on our DDC, too, for your groundedness, amazing knowledge, and incredible support!
post #126 of 270
I **am** being very unrealistic and hard on myself... I know I am. Kavita, thanks for setting me straight. I think that most of you know the issues I've had to deal with in terms of overcoming an overly religious, perfectionistic, and restrictive childhood environment. So how I feel about how I birthed is really me dealing with some of that. I'm glad I was able to post what I did and get feedback (and feedback from others is welcome as well). I don't like feeling like I have unresolved/unaddressed issues (in any part of life). I had a long talk with Chris about it this morning and he basically came to the same conclusion. He thought I was strong, that I was awesome, and a sexy birthing goddess. And how seeing me so vulnerable and open just made him love me in new ways over and over again. He's always telling me I need to allow myself to just experience things for what they are and not what I think they should be or what I want them to be. My brain was hardwired to view life negatively and like I said, I still deal with that.

I liked that you affirmed that my expectations of how I acted ARE unrealistic. When I talked to my mw about it at the last apt (actually, it was my first prenatal too) she just pftt it off and said you can act or do or curse or cry however you want or need to. That's why I'm here. I also think that there is a lot of glossing over but it could be due to the stark difference of medicalized birth vs homebirth. I can't imagine what a VBAC mama would feel, not only going into the birth but afterwards as well. You know, I just remembered this too... I have this memory of my mom watching births on TV and commenting about what wimps those women were (for moaning or doing whatever it is THEY needed to do). Of course, when she saw my birth videos she sobbed and cried and thanked me for not letting her be there (because she wouldn't be able to handle it). Hmmm... the power of a mothers' words . ANYWAY.

And I like that you recognized that there is a lot of reactionary birth propoganda out there. I am proud of myself for making the decisions I made concerning my births. I guess I just had that thought so strong in my mind during that 3rd stage... the thought that I NEVER wanted to do *this* again. I just wanted to be able to explore these feelings because now that I'm pregnant again I'm gonna hafta. I've reached my halfway point and from here on out it's all about preparation, getting bellyliscious, and preparation.
C
hris and I talked about this upcoming birth (we hadn't really had a specific conversation about it until now) and we decided this morning that yes, the midwife will be called (and in time for her to get here... and she already knows my prodromal history and is very much okay with coming over and hanging out with me even if I'm not in active labor and just need emotional support), and yes, we will have to line up help for the children. I've already started reading books to them and talking to them about birth, and Willem was fascinated by the video of Gabriel's birth. A little concerned at first, but totally fascinated by it all and asked lots of questions. I have two people in mind that I may ask to be here for the kids (one for sure and one as a backup in case the first can't make it). I just haven't approached them yet. And I've gotten to know some moms in the area and I'm pretty sure that if the childcare backup person were here and the kids really needed to be someplace else, there are a couple kid-friendly homes in the neighborhood they could go hang out at. So we've got that plan in place.

So... I'm not the only one that felt that birthing power and got freaked out by it despite all the mental prep I'd done??? This is something just about every woman goes through? That feeling of a class 5 hurricane roaring down from the crown of my head and out through my perineum is NORMAL you say??? Gotcha.

Like I said these issues are partly from baggage from the past, partly from images of birth that are not my own but somehow I feel they should be, and partly from the WTF feeling I had when my mw gave me the pulsatilla. And I asked her what it was for and she said "for weepiness." I guess in that moment, though I was grateful for the homeopathic, I also felt a little judgement. And that started me on the whole "how I'm acting" tangent. But you're right, I was totally and completely exhausted. There is nothing I could have done differently to change that. It's just how it was.

And Helen . I am so sorry you feel you are going to go through this again. I hope you don't. I honestly hope that you believe that every birth can be different and that you bask in the light of this precious birth no matter how it happens (there I go with my iconicism )

Now back to our regular scheduled birthday thread!!!!:
post #127 of 270
Quote:
Originally Posted by willemsmamma View Post
So... I'm not the only one that felt that birthing power and got freaked out by it despite all the mental prep I'd done??? This is something just about every woman goes through? That feeling of a class 5 hurricane roaring down from the crown of my head and out through my perineum is NORMAL you say??? Gotcha.

[/B]

Heh heh heh--I remember very seriously telling DH at some point in labor that I was very sorry, but there would be a change in plans and this baby was going to be an only child or we'd have to adopt, because I was NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN, EVER!!!! Trust me, there is no planning or preparation that can prepare you completely for giving birth! Helping over a hundred women having babies naturally at home helped me in some way (I had a lot of skills that I'd used to talk other people down from the ledge, that I used to talk myself down from the ledge internally!) but it certainly didn't make it a purely ecstatic experience without any fear or anxiety or doubt or pain. I think actually one of the overwhelming things I felt in labor was just a sort of pervasive sense of dread and apprehension, of what was coming next, whether I'd be able to do this, why the heck I wasn't dilating, fear of how fast things were moving and how overwhelming the sensation was when I *did* start dilating and the baby started moving down so fast. And I've seen women having their 10th baby and they aren't necessarily any better off in that regard, they are crying and freaking out just the same. I really feel that fear is not the enemy in labor/birth--it's just what fear can make us do that can be the problem (ie avoid labor, avoid pain ,etc.) I think you have to sort of acknowledge the fear, let it be, accept it, and work around it in birth. We can deal with our fears without denying them or suppressing them, we can work with it.

It's kind of a matter of perspective whether you can integrate the fact that you had fear and pain and cried and pooped and yelled and whatever into the concept of having a birth that was in fact powerful and beautiful! I think the story you are telling yourself about what happenned is probably way worse for your self concept than what actually happenned, iykwim. Kind of reminds me of the Woody Allen movie where he and Diane Keaton are in marriage counseling separately and they are talking about how often they have sex, and they show her saying, "Oh, we have sex all the time--probably about twice a week" and then it shows him saying, "We hardly ever have sex--probably only twice a week." It's all about perspective. Okay, enough movie metaphors from me.

Sorry that last post from me was so long and rambling and repetitive--I wrote and rewrote, Ella was running amok and DH was sort of pressuring me to get off the computer and deal with her so he could go to bed, and it was hard to really write coherently. I tried to edit after she went to sleep but then windows shut down on my for some stupid update. : So I'll leave it as is and move on.

Oh, and BTW honeytree, that was me who posted that. :
post #128 of 270
I think the video I saw was "Comfort Measures for Childbirth," but I'm not sure, in case anyone wanted to see it.

There were women crying, moaning, whining (lots of whining, made me feel better), chanting, grunting, yelling or whooping. One of the things Simkin points out is that whatever we do, it's often rhythmic in some way, and that vocalization of some sort is very reassuring and normal.
post #129 of 270
i have so much catching up to do on some important discussions it seems. give me a bit and i will be back to love on you all some.
post #130 of 270
OK, that sealed it, Kavita. Next birth, I'm camping out in your backyard so you can talk me through it and catch my baby!

And Mel, I meant to post this earlier, too: What you said about how hard it was to ask for and receive help during birth really resonated with me, too. I'm glad you posted about that being a personal/mama skill that began with birth; I think that's a really good way to think of it!
post #131 of 270
Quote:
Originally Posted by HoneyTree View Post
OK, that sealed it, Kavita. Next birth, I'm camping out in your backyard so you can talk me through it and catch my baby!
Now THAT sounds like a GREAT idea!!!!!!!!!!!

BTW, honeytree, you've got an INCREDIBLE memory!!!!! Sheesh. Either that or you are going back and rereading stuff.

And FSM, no I don't remember you saying that but it's kinda ironic because I told my midwife to NOT push the baby back in (when she was checking). Too funny.
post #132 of 270
Has anyone seen the threads about whether it's possible to consider a homebirth/ other normal birth traumatic, btw? Just wondering....
post #133 of 270
Quote:
Originally Posted by flapjack View Post
Has anyone seen the threads about whether it's possible to consider a homebirth/ other normal birth traumatic, btw? Just wondering....
no... where are they? I think you definitely can. I feel so traumatized over all my prodromal labor I just sort of made myself forget how bad it really was.
post #134 of 270
I'll dig up links for you- there isn't a battle about it going on atm, but give it five minutes.
I managed to get myself into a circ discussion on ravelry and actually got the thread pulled WTH made me think it was a good idea???? :
post #135 of 270
Thread Starter 
Wow y'all, things have gotten so intense here the past few days, but I love it. I couldn't read all of the new posts, but I will try tomorrow. Just wanted to send love to you all.
post #136 of 270
I have not done a decent job at keeping up with this thread at all this month. I'm still trying to get caught up, but thought I'd pop in to say hi and give a quick update on last week. On Sunday while dh was at work over an hour away Joseph decided to stick a sucker stick in his ear. From what I could see through the blood at the time he jammed a hole through his ear drum. By the time dh got here and we could get in to see the on call clinic hours his ear drum was too crusted over with blood to be seen. Thankfully we got a decent ped then who just gave us some ear drops that are like neosporin and said to not even bother if they hurt him. Other then that it was keep water out of his ear and he gets it checked during his check up on Tuesday. We will also have to take him for a hearing test, but probably not until after the new year. I also had testing and an us on Thursday as I'm big enough for at least twins at this point. Good news from that is there is only one little boy in there. Beyond that they wouldn't tell me a thing although they wrote down about a million measurments to send to my mw. I go see her on the 30th and will find out what's up then.

Today we are going to be celebrating Joseph's birthday so we have plenty of family time together. Trying to make things happen in the evening after work and school just makes everything a mess when he falls asleep in his dinner. I found a new ball for him yesterday to go with the couple new trucks, big crayons and coloring books he is getting. I'm still trying to get out of him what he would like for dinner, but I don't think he really cares.
post #137 of 270

Happy Second Birthday Jacob!!

Two years ago today, I held my son in my arms for the very first time.
Two years ago today, I became a mother.
Two years ago today, you breathed your first breath; cried your first cry; felt your first kiss.

Two years ago today, you were born a small bundle of joy and promise.

Today you are two, I held you in my arms.
Today you are two, I love being your mother.
Today you are two, your breath, your cries and your kisses are all things I cherish.

Today you are two years old.
You are quickly growing and learning so many new things.
Everyday you are finding new ways to grow.
You never cease to amaze me
I have loved watching you grow into the boy you are today.
I cherish every day we have to grow and learn together.

I love you Jacob!
Happy Second Birthday!!
post #138 of 270
happy birthday joseph!

happy birthday jacob!

still reading to catch up on all the birth talk...
post #139 of 270
Quote:
Originally Posted by HoneyTree View Post
OK, that sealed it, Kavita. Next birth, I'm camping out in your backyard so you can talk me through it and catch my baby!
Oh you really don't want to do that, it's Dog Poop Central back there! However, I do have a guest room and a lot of birth supplies.
post #140 of 270
Quote:
Originally Posted by HoneyTree View Post
And Mel, I meant to post this earlier, too: What you said about how hard it was to ask for and receive help during birth really resonated with me, too. I'm glad you posted about that being a personal/mama skill that began with birth; I think that's a really good way to think of it!
I swear you said it first; in fact I hesitated when writing it because I remember you saying almost the exact same thing about practicing assertiveness after you transferred

Happy birthday Jacob!!

Kristina, I hope Joseph's ear is okay- how stressful. And big congratulations on the new baby BOY!!!
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