What do you wish you had known before giving birth? - Page 2

[g&a]

I wish I had known that everyone thinks "My birth with the ob in the hospital will be different" because I am low risk, believe in natural birth, etc.. Hire a midwife. Do not go to the hospital unless you have a medical reason to be there.

I wish I had known that there were midwives in my city who would catch a breech baby. We had the c-section because we were told that there was no choice.

I wish I had someone to stick up for DH and I in the hospital. A doula or midwife, maybe. I wish someone had found DH a cot to sleep on, and I wish I had never been left alone in the hospital.

I wish I knew that just because birth is normal and everything ususlly works out just fine doesn't mean that your doctor will think so.

I wish I knew what to tell first-time moms to help them keep their power.

g.

[Robinna]

I just realized I didn't actually answer the question.

The main thing that I wish I had known is that you get exactly the birth that your caregiver believes you should have. Having a midwife is not necessarily an opt-out; it's not automatic protection against c/s for breech, twins, or vbac. If your trusted caregiver is scared, you will end up scared, and you will end up doing what s/he suggests, because it's very hard to have more faith in a piece of paper representing research than it is to have faith in your trusted, beloved MW who is looking you in the face saying, "it's your choice, but..." Having a MW is not enough; you need a MW who has the same priorities as you do or else you end up having HER birth - not your own.

[spero]

That I had choices, that I could refuse certain things and insist on others, and

that birthing felt like a huge bowel movement that was going to explode out my butt, not my vagina.

[JanetF]

It just speaks volumes, doesn't it, that so many of us don't know that we can say NO. How sad

I wish I'd known that regardless of the model of care, women must always be consumers and put their own needs and experience ahead of everyone else's when decisions are made. I'd be minus a scar if I'd known that.

[babymonster]

I REALLY wish I had taken the advice to REST! I was so annoyed by my stalling labour that I didn't rest at all, and boy did I pay for it:

[boadhagh]

I wish that I had seriously considered/learned more about c-section. Everything about my pregnancy and birth preparation "assured" me that I'd be able to have a normal, vaginal birth. So, when my c-section became imminent, I was totally lost.

[tammyswanson]

I wish I had known to keep my fingers out of my vagina as I was pushing in transition. I got a nasty labial tear...still have it 3 + months after birth. Ouch!

[tammyswanson]

Originally Posted by spero

that birthing felt like a huge bowel movement that was going to explode out my butt, not my vagina.

That is SO TRUE! I felt like I was trying to push out 30 lbs of hardened concrete!! Much different than I expected!

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by JanetF

It just speaks volumes, doesn't it, that so many of us don't know that we can say NO. How sad

I wish I'd known that regardless of the model of care, women must always be consumers and put their own needs and experience ahead of everyone else's when decisions are made. I'd be minus a scar if I'd known that.

Yes, yes, yes.

[Nora'sMama]

I wish I had known that I was going to have to work a lot harder to have things the way I wanted them *after* the birth (while still in the hospital) than *during*. My care providers were remarkably hands-off and completely respectful of my birth plan during labor and delivery. After that, though, it was all "her temp is down, we HAVE to take her and warm her up" and "we are just going to take her for ONE MINUTE to weigh her" and crazy confusing breastfeeding info when I asked for help...that was really awful. The birth did not go how I planned but I felt empowered by it and in control. Afterwards I felt totally out of control and I regret the way things happened (not saying "NO, YOU WILL WEIGH HER LATER, GO AWAY" or "I DO NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO TAKE HER TO BE WARMED", etc.) - even though these were very small things in comparison to what many people go through, they still bother me a little.

[mother culture]

That your birth is intensly emotional and the need to birth uninterrupted is more important than I thought when it comes to letting go and opening up.

[lovebug]

: and more : on this topic!

my main question is...

how do you make is go "smooth" do you take control or do you let it ride? (does that make sense)

[LiLStar]

I wish I'd known that OP position is a pretty common cause of c-sections if they don't turn. For some reason all I heard was "OP babies make a harder, longer, more painful labor, but doable" I wish I'd known how important positioning is!!

[~pi]

I wish I had known that it's just not worth it to be nice. The nurses and doctors won't remember you in two weeks, but you will always live with your child's birth.

I wish I had known how not to let the doom and gloom of a "high-risk" pregnancy affect my decision-making.

I wish I had known what real, informed consent looks like.

I wish I had known to insist on the doctor staying on the phone when I had more questions.

I wish I had known that when I heard the words coming out of my mouth, "I know it's the smart thing to do in my medical situation, but I just don't feel right about an induction yet," that that was worth listening to.

I wish I had known that no matter how smart, prepared and empowered you feel walking in, once you are in a hospital you are on their turf and it's really hard to maintain a sense of autonomy.

[BetsyS]

I wish I had known that it would really hurt. That it wouldn't feel powerful or like "rushes" or like pain with a purpose. That it would hurt, and I would still live.

I wish that I had known that having people see my guts (aka a c-section) wasn't the end of the world. That the recovery wasn't all that bad, and that everything could still be wonderful, even with recovering from surgery.

And, I wish that I had realized that my mom doesn't do all that well with sickness. That just because it was me and my childbirth wouldn't change that.

[Medusa]

I wish I had known to listen to my body and that if I gave birth before my midwife showed up it would be ok.

Instead I spent the better part of an hour terrified, crying and panting to try to keep from pushing the baby out "too soon".

[mchalehm]

That the people who say you won't care who sees you with no pants on are wrong. I cared. I was very embarrassed the whole time because I was in a room full of nurses I didn't know, and I hated every minute being so exposed. I suppose I would not have minded as much with a midwife I knew, but I still would not have liked it. I do not like for anyone besides my husband to see me naked and labor did not change that fact at all.

[AlpineMama]

I wish I had known just how managed my pushing stage was going to be with a midwife present. It totally sucked. The rest of labor went great. Pushing sucked.

[wannabe]

I wish that I'd known it would hurt so much I'd wish I were dead, no matter how excellent my mindset and coping skills were.

[queenjulie]

I wanted to add some unrelated stuff--bring your nursing pillow and lanolin! And your own shampoo and conditioner. Don't buy any special clothes or worry about what you're going to wear during the actual birth; hospital gowns are soft and have huge nursing openings, and you may just decide to get naked; lots of women do.

And if you get a nurse you don't like (and are uncomfortable telling him or her to get the hell out of your room), have your husband or whoever is with you go to the nursing desk and find another one--a crappy nurse can really make you feel bad about your labor, and a good nurse can help make things so much easier for you.