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Not comfortable with Halloween incident. - Page 3

post #41 of 67
He should have changed in the bathroom. I'm ok with the outfit, but not undressing in front of the opposite sex at that age.
post #42 of 67

oh yeah

as for the "is he homosexual" thing. Most cross dressers are straight

my fave commedian is a cross dressers and states that transvestites are usually straight: they have an extra woman's wordrobe to choose from that way

Crystal
post #43 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by sea_joy View Post
as for the "is he homosexual" thing. Most cross dressers are straight

my fave commedian is a cross dressers and states that transvestites are usually straight: they have an extra woman's wordrobe to choose from that way

Crystal
I just have to say a "yup" to that. I have a friend who is very straight and in a commited relationship with a woman, yet he dresses up in full drag for fun. Most guys that dress up in drag that I know are straight men who simply enjoy pretending to be a woman.
post #44 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post
And yet, in other countries, apparently people are comfortable with co-ed changing rooms. Why do you think that is?

I don't see it as my business to try to tell my DD what her own comfort level with her own body should be. If I WAS uncomfortable with it, it would still not be my place to tell her what her comfort level should be.
:

Sorry, but at 14 if the boy wants to get naked in front of a girl I wont embarrass him by telling him 'no'. I WILL tell him not to do anything without the girls parents knowing what is going on because that is being respectful of the girl and her parents.

In this case it obviously wasn't a sexual game, and even if it WAS show and tell your son was comfortable with it and the girls parents were too. I don't ever plan on telling my kids what they can and can not do with their clothed or naked bodies. I plan on supporting them with what they are comfortable with and helping them and supporting them in things that they are not.


It's not that I would be 'OK' with my kid being naked in front of 2 girls. Probably the opposite. I just don't see it as my place telling my child what they should be comfortable with. Appropriate? Yes. I would DEFINATELY have a talk with the boy and warn him that he shouldn't do this with just anyone and basically only if the other parents knew about it. That being said, not many parents WOULD be ok with this situation so I doubt that this situation would come up very often if he abided by what I asked of him.



And as for roles being reversed? if it was my 14 year old daughter? To be honest it would depend on if the parents knew what was going on and if my daughter did it of her own volitian. I wouldn't penalize her for making a choice I wouldn't make, it is her choice to make. But I would also let her know what happens when you decide to get naked in front of someone of the opposite sex even if you don't have feelings for them, same as I would do for my son.
post #45 of 67
What I find wierd is that the other mom was brought into the decision by the kids and she approved. Now if the kids had just taken it upon themselves to do it and the mom didn't know and your ds was fine with it then I'd be ok.

But, as the mom of a teen I'd never allow someone elses opposite sex child get naked in front of my daughter because I don't know what the other parent would feel like. Especially at that age. My dd is 18 now so it's a totally different situation and she and they can do as they like. But 12, 16 and 14 different story.
post #46 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Synthea™ View Post
He should have changed in the bathroom. I'm ok with the outfit, but not undressing in front of the opposite sex at that age.

I've skimmed the thread and maybe too quickly. Did I miss why he changed in front of the girls when I am sure there must have been a different room to do it in?!!? I don't understand why it was a group effort to get him dressed. I mean mini skirts are not that complicated to slip in to. It's not too big of deal if all kids were comfortable. Just wondering what the big is that he had to change in front of them. It appears to be conscience choice with some forethought...
post #47 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arduinna View Post
What I find wierd is that the other mom was brought into the decision by the kids and she approved. Now if the kids had just taken it upon themselves to do it and the mom didn't know and your ds was fine with it then I'd be ok.

But, as the mom of a teen I'd never allow someone elses opposite sex child get naked in front of my daughter because I don't know what the other parent would feel like. Especially at that age. My dd is 18 now so it's a totally different situation and she and they can do as they like. But 12, 16 and 14 different story.

I totally agree!
post #48 of 67
It sounds like they just forgot he was a boy for a few. Which is GREAT!!! It means they were just seeing him as a friend/buddy and were playing dress up for Halloween. My daughter and her girlfriends do this, they'll make comments, change their mind once someone puts something on, and try something else etc. Watching the person get dressed is part of the process for deciding what to put on next, what to veto etc. Sounds like innocent fun to me. I would only be concerned in this case if I was the girl's mother. But only because I'd not want to upset the young man's parents.
post #49 of 67
I'd be upset mostly because my 15yo ds is a pretty private person regarding his body. As a mom with visiting kids in the house, I always assume that the other mom is as conservative as I am. I would've had him change in another room, or had the girls leave.
post #50 of 67
I guess I would be wierded out by it because it almost seemed like the mom was using your son as a "Look, here's a boy's anatomy" lesson. If it happened more organically, without the mom asking the 16 yo to stay, I'd probably feel differently and think it was more OK since he didn't seem embarrassed about it.

As the adult in that situation, though, I personally would have said "Sure, dress up in her clothes for Halloween! So silly! Here's the bathroom, you can change in there!"

Just as it's not her place to tell the girls' mom what her comfort level should be, it wasn't the girls' mom's decision to make regarding the boy's body, his comfort level, and the boy's parents' comfort level.
post #51 of 67
Just my opinion, but i think you (the OP) totally overreacted. I wouldn't have aproblem with this at all.
post #52 of 67
Thread Starter 
I discussed the issue with the other parent, and we've came to an understanding and there is no more hard feelings left over. She did not try to use my son as a show and tell for her girls. My son was offered the opportunity to change in the bathroom but turned it down on his own.

Also the door to the bedroom where the 3 were, was left open.

I'm OK with it now, and f it would happen again, DS knows I'd rather him change in the bathroom, but if he felt comfortable enough to do what he did, that its OK to do. \

Also.. Apparently the 12yo has changed in front of my DS to go swimming before. I guess its all even!
post #53 of 67
I'm glad you guys talked and worked out a solution that is satisfactory for all involved.
post #54 of 67
I just wanted to put in my opinion as very similar to Choli's. Nudity is not an issue in our lives and skinny dipping and such are pretty acceptable in my peer group.
But a younger boy with the older girls....I would have checked in to make sure he felt OK then let it go.
post #55 of 67
Um, DSD (14 y.o.) here, but would be NOT ok with the situation. You are not crazy, I also believe that it is not appropriate.

I respect others' right to raise their kids whatever way they feel fit, but I don't think sign in along "it's their body - their decision" kind of mentality when they are only 14. No, I don't think 14 year old is the same as grown up, or they'd be working 40 hour work weeks, and living on their own, and having babies, and carrying household-full of responsibilities... thus far most of them just trying to pass 9th grade adn roll their eyes when you mention their cell phone bill or ask them if they can help out with taking out the trash...

I feel that it's parent's job to guide their kids, and there is nothing wrong in having your opinion voiced, setting rules and boundaries, or having a discussion with your child on this topic (the calmer you are - the better it is of course )

Just my humble opinion...
post #56 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post
I myself would have no problem with it as long as my kid was comfortable. It's HIS body, not mine, so he gets to make the calls about what he is comfortable with. Of course, I only have daughters, maybe I would feel differently if I had a son. I would not have a problem with my DDs changing in front of peer age friends of either sex as long as they were comfortable with it.
this

there's no reason to insert shame/sexuality where it is not
people see my naked breasts pretty much daily!
post #57 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oriole View Post
No, I don't think 14 year old is the same as grown up, or they'd be working 40 hour work weeks, and living on their own, and having babies, and carrying household-full of responsibilities... thus far most of them just trying to pass 9th grade adn roll their eyes when you mention their cell phone bill or ask them if they can help out with taking out the trash...
Actually, in many other countries, 14 yr olds are working full time, having babies and carrying responsibilities. Not all societies artificially extend childhood as modern western society does.
post #58 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by moondiapers View Post
It sounds like they just forgot he was a boy for a few. Which is GREAT!!! It means they were just seeing him as a friend/buddy and were playing dress up for Halloween. My daughter and her girlfriends do this, they'll make comments, change their mind once someone puts something on, and try something else etc. Watching the person get dressed is part of the process for deciding what to put on next, what to veto etc. Sounds like innocent fun to me. I would only be concerned in this case if I was the girl's mother. But only because I'd not want to upset the young man's parents.

I don't have a teen, but I used to be a teen girl, and this is the answer that makes the most sense. Especially since you say that you DS didn't WANT to leave the room. It's kind of like Barbies for big girls and boys!
post #59 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post
Actually, in many other countries, 14 yr olds are working full time, having babies and carrying responsibilities. Not all societies artificially extend childhood as modern western society does.
I grew up outside the US, so I'm quite aware of what is going on outside western society. I have been living here only for the past 8 years. That being said... I have seen all too much of what happens when "childhood is not extended". I personally will vote for "extending childhood" any day.

At the same time, I am not naive in thinking that 14 year olds lack sexual curiousity, but I don't believe that they are ready for what sexual experimentation holds for them at that age, and are barely responsible for themselves, let alone feelings, needs, and comfort level of potential sexual partners.
post #60 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by SJane01 View Post
I'm very liberal. But am I out of line here?
I'm not sure you're "out of line," but I do think you are making a big deal out of something that's not a big deal. We all have bodies, both of those girls know your son has a penis, I don't really think it's a big deal if they see his body (or he theirs).

dm
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