Recovering from Halloween

[WildIris]

So here it is the morning after Halloween...and I'm wondering how other TF moms cope with this holiday. Do you love it? Hate it? Or not think much about it at all?

While I love seeing all the little kids in cute costumes, and seeing my own kids' joy and excitement about dressing up and going out T-or-Ting, at the same time, I have a lot of angst about the holiday in general. For weeks before, I dreaded it and just wished it would be over. I stressed about all the junk my kids would be offered at their school parties, and worried over what to hand out to the T-or-Ters at my door. Unfortunately I didn't plan ahead and find any cool non-food items, and DH just bought candy as usual, so that's what we handed out... but then I felt guilty, like I'm just going along with the crowd and contributing to society's poisoning of our children like everyone else. Except I know better, which makes it worse that I didn't do anything different. (Beating myself up a bit for this, can you tell?)

Then there's the issue of all the candy and junk my three kids collected, three bags' worth. Last night they were soooo excited about it, looking at all the different kinds, separating it into piles of alike stuff, counting how many pieces they got, comparing and trading goodies. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here thinking..."Ick! Sugar! Hydrogenated Oils! High Fructose Corn Syrup! Artificial flavors! Food dye! Chemicals!" Personally I couldn't even stand the sickeningly sweet smell of the candy. I had warned them I would go through all the candy and toss out anything with artificial sweeteners in. But just seeing the ingredient lists makes me feel sick that I'm letting them eat ANY of this stuff, at all. (Even though I only let them have one piece a day... their "Halloween stash" has been known to last almost a full year to the next Halloween.)

Am I just making myself crazy about this? Should I lighten up and not worry about it? How do the rest of you handle this stuff with your kids?

I should add that my kids are 13, 9, and almost 7. I wish I had started cleaning up all of our diets when they were younger, and been more strict about sugar/candy in general, but unfortunately I just started a couple years ago. At this point I think a blanket "no candy" rule would be too harsh, and that it's better to let them have limited consumption while emphasizing the importance of eating mostly healthy foods. We talk a lot about what's healthy, and why, and I try to let them make choices instead of just saying "you must eat this, you can't eat that."

Iris

[13Sandals]

Its just not right is it - Halloween, I mean. Here we are plying our kids with sugar just as flu season gets going. I'm with you, I can't stand the fact that you are left with bags of the stuff lying around and throwing it out is tough - I mean, we let them collect it right? So, this year, I started a new tradition. The kids got costumes, dressed up and we went out for dinner. I told them they could start with, and end with, dessert if they wanted. It was a really bad meal!! But at least it was just one night and we don't have a month's supply of candy in the house. When we got home I let them open a gift I had brought them each, special for Halloween. They were okay with it. I would love to host a Halloween party next year (if I could afford it and my downstairs neighbors didn't already hate us)...but I'm working on ways to be able to include their friends next year.

But I say go with your instincts and boycott!!! My older son is old enough to understand what's healthy for your body and what's disasterous for it and was willing to forgo the candy collecting. I think the younger kids are okay if you replace t&ting with something else as long as you build it up as 'special' and you make a huge deal out of it! No reason why we have to perpetuate the unhealthy aspects of celebrating this holiday.

[HerbanGirl]

I'm with you, even though I don't have a child yet! Yesterday I tortured myself trying to find the healthiest treats I could...I didn't have very much luck, ended up buying packages of Pepperridge Farm Milano cookies...at least there weren't any hydrogenated oils or HFCS. And then we only had about 6 visitors last night!

13Sandals, I really like your idea! A Halloween party at home would be great - you could even decorate different rooms in the house and pack them with different treats, and have kids t-or-t from room to room. Ask each parent to bring a homemade treat, and maybe that way everyone would be a little less paranoid about homemade. I thought about making something for last night and putting a tag with my name and phone number on it, but I just didn't feel comfortable giving that info out to strangers. At a party, though, I could do that. Thanks for the idea!

[bigknitwit]

We started the Hallowe'en fairy last year with great success. The kids pick out 10ish items to keep, and the rest is left out for the fairy. She brings them a present in exchange for the candy. but my boys are 6 and 4. As a 13 year old, I don't know that I would be willing to make the trade lol I used to LIVE for Hallowe'en as a child lol I would plan my route for weeks beforehand, etc, etc. It was truly a highlight in the year. That said, my boys have never complained about the fairy. They are happy to trick-or-treat, chose some special items, and then they get to anticipate the gift from the fairy. I always make sure it's a "good" gift too - so it's a fair exchange, kwim?

[happymamaof3]

Hi! I'm so glad I"m not alone in this. I love letting them dress up but I'm definitely aware of how bad the candy is for them. I have a son who reacts off sugar even from natural sources and gets very sick. While I'm not into consumerism either... I found myself making the exception here.
I took them to the mall dressed in their costumes. They got to see other kids in costumes and be seen which fullfilled the "be seen" craving my 6 yr old daughter had. We bought them one toy instead of candy. They loved it. My daughter wound up with a stuffed chettah and my son a little stuffed kitty. They thought it was the best halloween ever! Maya said she doesn't want candy because it won't last but she can play with her stuffed animal. (She uses stuffed animals in play all the time).

We were all happy to skip the junk!

Thank you all for the other ideas... maybe I'll try one of them next year. Maya is already plotting out her special halloween gift for next year...

[MamaTessa]

I had a lot of the same problems. My kids are 14, 12 and 2. I have taken the older kids T or T'ing every year, so they REALLY wanted to go.

I let them keep 5 pieces of chocolate each, and traded the rest for Rapadura chocolate bars. They knew before we went out that they were trading everything for the higher quality chocolate bars and kinda grumbled, but were ok with it.

My 2 year old doesn't even know what candy is. There was a house where the guy let the kids pick between a bowl of junk (typical halloween candy) and a bowl labeled healthy. The healthy bowl had celery and carrot sticks.

He took a celery stick and ate it while we were T or T'ing and was totally happy with it!

I would let your kids know that they can go out, but that they will have to trade almost all their candy for something you feel is acceptable to eat.

[spughy]

My parents were TF'ers before TF as a "movement" existed (my dad was a Weston Price-esque dentist) and they let us go trick-or-treating, then afterwards we could eat as much candy as we could stuff in our faces, and then it all went in the trash (or my parents ate it, we never knew). Sadly the concept of the Hallowe'en fairy didn't occur to them, but I will bring it up with my mom and let her know that she owes me about 15 years worth of back-presents. That'll go over well.

Anyway, that's the route we're going. One night of crap is not going to nullify the other 364 days of good eating, and as much as we want to think that food is all about nutrition, it's not - there is a strong cultural component and like it or not, our kids WILL feel "different" because of the way we eat. Maybe good different, maybe not. But for one night of the year they get to eat crap like everyone else and it allows them a common base with all the other kids. It's the same reason that on two nights of the year (Chinese New Year and DH's grandma's birthday) I will happily go to a Chinese restaurant and not blink an eye at my little girl eating white rice and cornstarch and dye and sugar-filled food. Sometimes food is more than food.

That having been said, my dad tried to hand out toothbrushes on Hallowe'en a couple times and it didn't go over so well, so I think in the end they resorted to handing out boxes of raisins. Those are pretty TF, if boring as hell.

[quietserena]

While we don't do Halloween, we have similar issues with Eid. DD is too youg yet so we haven't had to fight that battle but I've seen it with other people's kids. I like the fairy idea and exchanging candy for a good present. Thanks for that!

I would think that key here is that there is just a few times a year where we indulge in things like these. The next day the candy and the crazy food need to go away and a regular routine needs to be resumed. Perhaps some extra kefir too, to help deal with all that sugar from the day before!

Trying to make it completely forbidden doesn't appeal to me at all. That seems like it would breed rebellion.

[Leilalu]

I hear ya!
I have had a bit of candy, and man- the rest is getting THROWN AWAY! My sinuses are going bonkers, I got a zit from the sugar on my chin and nose(not very noticeable though) and I am beating myself up for it.

I think sugar every now and then is ok. Just on certain occasions. This is why we do what we do all year long Our kids will fare much much better!(all year long, not because of sugar.lol)
I think kefir and some extra doses of good bacteria are in order.

[roseoffred]

I'm not a mom quite yet but I have to say that I really dislike Halloween. I mean I loved it when I was a kid, don't get me wrong. I remember when I was a kid, one year instead of t or ting I went to a Halloween party at a friends house and ended up having a lot more fun than I had ever had before. Trick or treating was always really exciting before hand, but it always kind of seemed like a let down afterwards. Dressing up is really the best part.

Soooo, DH and I are hoping to find some other families who feel similarly and just have a kick a$$ party every year. Or maybe a haunted house? We did that last year for all the neighborhood kids and it was the best Halloween ever. Just no bags and bags of candy, I just can't do it. This year we actually had multiple people bring their babies in strollers and then give me a bag to fill up "for the one in the stroller." WHAT?? really?? I couldn't decide if it was just a lame excuse for the parents to get their own gobs of candy or if it was actually for the 6 month old. Honestly, in our neighborhood it is a toss up.

[Brookesmom]

I think about this a lot, flu season around the corner. Then all the treats around Christmas, Valentine's Day and Easter- It's all through the school year!

Originally Posted by 13Sandals

Its just not right is it - Halloween, I mean. Here we are plying our kids with sugar just as flu season gets going.

I went through and threw out all the artificial colored stuff while dd at kindergarten today. It makes me feel a tiny bit better. I do love seeing all the kids out and about and everyone being social in the neighborhood though.

Next year I'm going to give out something cool.

[Gale Force]

Our local church did a hayride and stopped at various houses for goodies. My 5 1/2 year old had a very large bag of booty. I got some dark chocolate covered pretzels from Trader Joe's and today traded him some of his candy for it. I also threw away a lot while we were at it. This scheme won't work in a year or two, but it's good for now. The pretzels are not nearly as sweet. I haven't had actual candy in a long time and, dang, that stuff is sweet.

[WildIris]

Originally Posted by quietserena

Trying to make it completely forbidden doesn't appeal to me at all. That seems like it would breed rebellion.

I agree with this. That's why I've never done the "trade candy for a present" thing, or take all the candy away the next day. Rightly or wrongly, I think maybe it's better for my kids to keep the candy and learn how to deal with it in moderation. I know if I let them binge on it as a "just this once" kind of thing, then throw it all away, I would be dealing with very cranky, unhappy kids for a couple of days as a result of the binge. My son, especially, does not do well with excess sugar and would be miserable for days. So I'm not willing to do that.

We keep the candy and I let them have ONE piece a day, IF they have a healthy snack (ideally a protein + complex carb) first, or as a dessert if they eat a healthy dinner.

[WildIris]

Originally Posted by Gale Force

The pretzels are not nearly as sweet. I haven't had actual candy in a long time and, dang, that stuff is sweet.

So true, Gale. I haven't had regular candy for a long time, either, and it's amazing how the taste buds adjust.

Occasionally I'll have something sweet from the health food store, like dark-chocolate- or yogurt-covered pretzels, or those peanut Sundrops. But no regular candy for a long time--that is, up until this week.

The night before Halloween I had one of those bite-sized Snickers bars. I cut it into four pieces and ate it over the course of an hour...it was just too sickeningly sweet to eat it all at once. (I can't believe I used to eat a whole regular-sized Snickers bar, and think it tasted good.) Then on Halloween night, when I was handing out treats, suddenly I was feeling "deprived" and so I ate exactly three Whoppers mini malted milk balls, and about five peanut M&Ms. (Not three packs of Whoppers or five packs of M&Ms, mind you; literally just three little Whopper balls and five little peanut M&Ms. Doesn't seem so bad, does it?)

The next morning I woke up with "weepy depression" and I've been struggling with fatigue ever since. The same thing happens to me if I eat white flour products, like a slice of regular pizza. It takes me days to recover.

Do you have reactions like this if you eat regular candy, after not eating it for a long time? Or am I just wierd? :

Iris

[celestialdreamer]

We went out with some other families and had planned on only giving our kids a couple pieces when we got back to the house. Instead one of the other dads started opening candy and feeding it to them along the way. My dd has a peanut allergy so I had to nicely ask him to please be careful what he was opening. I was trying to be a good sport but it really annoyed me that he was pumping all the kids full of sugar. He is of the mindset that you let them eat as much as they want on Halloween and then take it away. My DH was going along with it too. Because of dd's food allergies and sugar sensitivity this not what I wanted to do. Dd ate much more than I would have liked (but no peanuts of course) and is still having some attitude issues today :

We talked in advance about that she would get a few pieces of candy that we would make sure were safe for her, and the rest would be left out for the "Great Pumpkin". My plan was slightly screwed up by the well meaning friends feeding dd probably close to 8-9 pieces of candy: She crashed from the sugar rush long before we got home so we took the candy away and left her present out for her in the morning. She seems really happy with the arrangement! Next year I will specify that my kids are not to be fed candy without my permission and to please NOT eat things that have peanuts with her around. I really want them to get to have fun, but not only is the candy unhealthy, in my dd's case it could be life threatening.

[celestialdreamer]

Originally Posted by WildIris

The next morning I woke up with "weepy depression" and I've been struggling with fatigue ever since. The same thing happens to me if I eat white flour products, like a slice of regular pizza. It takes me days to recover.

Do you have reactions like this if you eat regular candy, after not eating it for a long time? Or am I just wierd? :

Iris

I have reactions with slightly different symptoms, but yes I completely get it. My kids are not used to eating sugar, so I really didn't want them to suffer also. I did eat some of the Halloween candy with DH before we got rid of it, but I feel crappy because of it. I don't know how I used to be able to eat so much sugar! Nowdays, I can't really even eat refined grains without feeling gross. I've been majorly craving raw greens today which I think is my body trying to clear the yuck out. My kids have barely wanted to eat today besides some apples and plum tomatoes. I think we are all detoxing

[celestialdreamer]

Originally Posted by quietserena

Trying to make it completely forbidden doesn't appeal to me at all. That seems like it would breed rebellion.

My kids are still little, but I do disagree with this in our case. My kids are allowed to have things like homemade cake on birthdays and very occasionally treats like organic dark chocolate. If they recieved a bunch of goodies like that, I would be more accepting of letting them eat it over a certain period of time. When its stuff filled with HFCS, artificial food colorings, preservatives and things that my kids are allergic to, they will have to learn that these aren't okay for them. Like I said before I think a couple pieces of the best choice of whatever is in the bag is fine usually, but that is really plenty. I'm not going to tell my kids they can't have anything sweet, I will teach them that if they want something sweet that it doesn't have to be filled with all that junk. I know many families with kids food allergies that can't let their children have anything they get while T or Ting. The children are used to that and get really excited about dressing up and then usually get a small gift in lieu of their candy at the end of the night. They don't seem to see it as a forbidden fruit, they know that for health reasons that they can't have it.

[happymamaof3]

I have to make my kids alternative treats as my middle child is allergic to everything under the sun... including wheat, dairy, sugar and artifical colorings. I have to make them an approved gluten free treat with honey or stevia which I do for special occasions frequently. Halloween, I made them their treat and tried to avoid candy. My 6 year old knows what halloween is about. She accepted the one present thing gracefully and I was happy for that. Sometimes you have to do what you do. I wish I didn't have to ban it and I could allow just one piece, but for some of us that isn't an option.

I guess it's great that we don't have an option because it keeps them away from the really bad stuff! I'm allergic to sugar as well and HFCS so I benefit too from staying away from the stuff.

You could debate it either way but I think I agree with CelestialDreamer. Either way everyone is doing a great job with their kids! Hopefully none of ours will turn into to junk food junkies!

[simplepamom]

I have been wrestling with having less candy around for the kids- mainly because we are GIVEN so much all the time. Yes we allowed trick or treating- however we went only to my parents, grandparents, aunt, grandfather in a nursing home (so they also did the tot at the home)- and 5 neighbors- the people who we wanted to see the cute kids and who wanted to see them. Now, how do I throw out the stuff that these peopel gave my children, without feeling extremely guilty about it? I mean I would really feel I am waisting their money. And if I don't, how do I address it so they aren't giving them tons of candy (mind you these are people whose houses are full of refined, processed.- my mom will say oh they shouldn't have so much candy so I will give them marshmellows (and is convinced this is actually a better choice))

ANd yet this is not the end. In Dec we will go to visit his family. They will buy doughnuts for the kids to have for breakfast while we stay with them, popsicles for them to snack, sugared cereals..... not to mention bags of candy- I mean will HAND Them bags (each child full unopened bags) of candy to go home... Other friends of the family will give the hand made chocolate lollipops- several per child (like at least 1 dark, 1 light and 1 white per kid maybe even 2 of each per kid) Not to mention all the cookies, pies and such that family members will make/buy for the Thanksgiving meal, Christmas meal etc. Then Valentine's day- yes, people give my children Valentine's candy- not as much, but they get enough. THey get candy treats at church (almost weekly) and a doughnut social hour every SUnday morning. The church social- once a month- always has plenty of desserts and candy too. Then Easter- wow- they get their Easter bunny basket- ok I have control but hubby will want to put at least 1 piece of candy in- then they get a basket from my mom, my grandmother, my aunt, and often from my husbands family also, and sometimes from a friend of the family- all containing a plethera of candy. Then there are the birthday parties- the goody bags and pinatas that they bring home. Vacation Bible schools always have the koolaid and cookies. They had a Brownie event on Sat and got a goodie bag- complete with sugar cereal, animal crackers, m&m's (the 'healthy cereal mix thing) and lollipop. (days after Halloween)

I mean I am reading posts from people saying- well it's only 1 day a year so they eat what they want on Halloween and then it is gone, not to worry- it doesn't undo the good lifestyle.... But how do you get it to be that way- I mean I am talking 5 days that are as bad as Halloween and then alot that could be chalked up to 1 sugar a day if we are lucky. How do you make them not feel deprived- not feel they are getting short changed or punished, when everyone everywhere is pushign this stuff?

Brenda

[spughy]

Originally Posted by simplepamom

I mean I am reading posts from people saying- well it's only 1 day a year so they eat what they want on Halloween and then it is gone, not to worry- it doesn't undo the good lifestyle.... But how do you get it to be that way- I mean I am talking 5 days that are as bad as Halloween and then alot that could be chalked up to 1 sugar a day if we are lucky. How do you make them not feel deprived- not feel they are getting short changed or punished, when everyone everywhere is pushign this stuff?

I guess I am lucky. My IL's are very respectful of our dislike of refined stuff (both grains and sugar) and the playgroup we attend has a policy of only healthy snacks. Most moms there don't want their kids eating sugar, it's kind of the default position around here.

It sounds like you are in a similar position where you are to what my mom was 30 years ago where she was... she DID deprive us, and I won't pretend that as a child I didn't heartily resent that and even tried to sneak candy on occasion. We were sometimes allowed candy and sugary cake at other people's birthday parties, but that and Hallowe'en were the only exceptions.

My mom was a great cook and made us lots of healthy cookies and treats, which helped, but in the end it was a case of just her perseverance until we were teenagers, at which point she capitulated for the most part since we had our own money and could buy whatever we liked with it. I think she (as a former dental professional) was most concerned with sugar during the time our teeth were erupting.

Anyway, I am SO SO SO grateful today for my parent's stance on sugar when we were kids. I say, do your best, deprive them if necessary, and just know that one day, when they are 35 years old and haven't had a tooth cleaning in years and find that they barely need it and still haven't got any cavities, they will thank you. (I actually did that - I called my mom a couple weeks ago and thanked her.)

The other thing I would do if I were in your shoes - which I am not, so please feel free to ignore if this doesn't fit your personality - is to be VERY vocal about your avoidance of sugar and strongly imply or outright say that you are horrified that people want to damage your children by plying them with sugar. Arm yourself with as much material as you can dredge up about the horrors of sugar, keep several printed copies of the best stuff on hand, and distribute it at the slightest provocation. But, that's just me, and I don't particularly care if people think I'm batty.