A little sad about tubal ligation

[maureen73]

I have been (silently) feeling sad about having the tubal ligation. DH and I had agreed that Jacob would be our last child after alot of risk issues. To top of our resolve, our OB told me literally during the cs that I would not be able to carry another child because my uterus was so thin and a rupture was almost a guarantee if we had another. I know that it was the best thing to do but can you believe that I feel a little sad that I won't ever be pregnant again and feel the joy of another life growing inside my uterus. Don't get me wrong...I am thrilled that we have 3 healthy children especially when once I thought we would have none. LOL! It's funny because for the last two months of my pregnancy with Jacob, I was SO miserable physically and emotionally that I couldn't wait to not be preggo and now I am sad that I won't be preggo ever again. Thanks for letting me vent.

[Stayseeliz]

I'm having a hard time too. Only we hadn't already made the choice not to have anymore until DD was born. I was high risk last time too and on the operating table my OB said I had a hole in my uterus and it was a miracle I hadn't ruptured. So DH says no more since it could be really dangerous next time. I'm really struggling with this. I know I should be thankful for 3 healthy kids but I really wanted at least 4. And now we have to decide whether DH will have surgery or me. Bleh..Anyway, I'm right there with you..It stinks doesn't it?

[mittendrin]

Hugs, mama. I am sorry you are feeling sad about this. I was a teeny bit sad when dh scheduled the first appt for his vasectomy in March this year. Then I got a positive on the pregnancy test.... Now he actually finally had the snip and I am glad. I know I am done but I know I'll miss being pregnant for a bit after the baby is born. I always miss it the first few weeks. It's a milestone.

I am glad you guys made the decision to put your health first, it really seems like the smart thing to do.
Is it more that you feel you would like to have more kids? You could adopt...Or is it that you like being pregnant so much?

[maureen73]

Thanks ladies....sorry you are going through the same thing Stayseeliz. I guess it's a little of both Mittendrin. I would love to have more children and I enjoy being pregnant too in that I love watching my tummy expand (weird huh?) and feeling the first quickenings and then moving to the big kicks and rolls. I just knew this time that it should be our last because it was such a difficult pregnancy and I was so worn out. When my OB said "you are VERY lucky mommy that you didn't rupture this pregnancy and you definately cannot carry another child safely" I asked him later what it was that he saw during the cs and he stated that my uterus was very thin (??) and that there were several areas that were starting to wear apart and split (??) he said all leading to a uterine rupture. I wasn't surprised because I feel like I sensed that already with my body. Since my mom and grandmother both died in childbirth of uterine ruptures this was my wake up call. After 3 pregnancies in 3 years, I guess my body was revolting. I would love to adopt or even more to be a foster mom after the kids are older but my DH does not agree unfortunately.

[aylaanne]

It makes absolute sense that you would be grieving. Sure, your brain knows that this is the best decision, but that doesn't mean anything. It's still a loss, and you have every right to be sad about it.

[wildgarden]

Originally Posted by aylaanne

It makes absolute sense that you would be grieving. Sure, your brain knows that this is the best decision, but that doesn't mean anything. It's still a loss, and you have every right to be sad about it.

Well put Aylaane!

[Stayseeliz]

It very much feels like a loss to me. I'm only 30 and being told not to have anymore kids. I don't particularly LIKE being pg as I get big really fast and have back problems, etc. I'm also high risk with my blood pressure. So this pregnancy wasn't fun. But I've always wanted at least two boys and two girls so I feel like we're missing a boy right now!

We do hope/plan to adopt if we have the money. We might go through social services because I know it would be free that way. We're still trying to decide!

[hipmummy]

[Usually Curious]

I mourned my tubal for eight years and finally had a reversal. I'm holding my second reversal baby right now.

Maybe after some years of rest and strengthening, you might check into a reversal if you still feel this way.

[Jenlaana]

DH is getting "fixed" and we are done having children (this is my 3rd/his 2nd). I didnt even want any kids before I had DD1 (had a very rough time as a single mom for years w/ DS) but grudgingly agreed to give DH the 2 babies he asked for. (long story but I knew going into our marriage that not giving him children would be a deal breaker) Once I had DD I fell in love with her, and having this second one was very tough and full of complications but I love her so very much too. The plan from the beginning was always to stop after this one, before DD1 was even born. I don't logically want any more babies, and I want to have my body back and be able to finally finish school. But there is still something in the back of my head nudging "what if". I cant imagine how anyone who does well with the kids they have couldn't think about it just a little bit, even with a resolve not to.

I look at my daughter's tiny pink fingers and think..."this is the last time I will ever see these" and look at the little clothes and the little cradle that have passed from child to child and think "this is the last time I will ever need these". It saddens me, but I just try to enjoy the moment for what it is.

So sorry you are all going through it as well.

[Rikki Jean]

to all of you going through this.

ETA: Oh, duh, I'm not in this DDC. I thought I had clicked on November! I was wondering why none of the names sounded familiar!

[roostery]

I had a tubal on the 28th during my c-section. I really wanted it, we aren't having any more kids, but I feel oddly as though something were missing.