Food Fight!

[Katiemare]

No, he isn't throwing his food. He is refusing to eat. Refusing to say what he would like to eat (I usually offer 2 or 3 choices). Making a choice and then saying he doesn't want it afterall, once I have prepared the meal.

I know this is a control issue. We also have control issues with getting dressed and ready for school, but I can at least put his shoes and coat on him and get him out the door. Food, I am not going to force feed a 5.5 yo.

What do I do? We've shopped together, made lists of healthy foods, cooked together, made menus and plans . . . unless I made this my primary occupation in life I know that at least once a day my son will battle me over food. :

[Spirit Dancer]

WEll my son is only 18 months but even with him I give him 2-4 choices I know he likes. Sometimes he does not eat. I don't make a deal about it at all. When he is done even if he never ate I cheerfully get him down and we go onto something else. Granted he still nurses on demand and has snacks if he asks. But even if he did not nurse one thing I KNOW from years of babysitting is you CANNOT win the food fight so why even bother. Offer him food he likes at meals and snacks and if he doesn't eat move on till the next time. He won't starve . DO not be punitive about it just treat it like it is his choice- cause it is.

[monkey's mom]

I am against fighting over food--and vehemently opposed to witholding food as a means to win that fight.

Why couldn't you ask him what he would like and move from there? Is it that he's not eating or not just changing his mind?

I've found that platters with lots of different choices and a few "fancy" toothpicks (with the little ruffle things for parties) offered at mealtimes or as snacks work really, really well. What doesn't get eaten gets put into teeny ziplocks or tupperwares and saved for another time.

As someone wise once reminded me: it takes TWO people to have a fight--if you stop fighting then it's no longer a fight.

[smeisnotapirate]

I like the "stop fighting" idea. It's frustrating to make something and then have him say that he doesn't want it, but don't make a huge deal out of it. If he's hungry, he'll eat. If not? Like you said, you can't force feed a 5 yo. Just pack it up and next time you offer choices, offer that one.

Good luck.

[Katiemare]

Originally Posted by monkey's mom

Why couldn't you ask him what he would like and move from there? Is it that he's not eating or not just changing his mind?

He won't answer what he wants when I ask him. He says, "I don't know" or "I won't say." So, I tell him that I will decide for him if he can't decide. This often results in a freak out and refusal to eat.

I _NEVER_ withhold food from my children. However, I am not a short order cook. I do "withhold" late orders for pancakes or mac-n-cheese when I have already prepared oatmeal or a sandwich. There is always fresh fruit in the house, within ds's reach. He knows he can have it anytime he wants.

My father advised me last night that he thinks B. is overwhelmed by choices and is afraid of picking the wrong thing. He told me that I should try telling him what the meal will be, without choices. Tell him, "I know what you need."

At breakfast, he was dissatisfied with the cereal bowl that I chose. I just said, "we don't do that in this family. we take the food in the bowl that is given to us." he grumbled, but didn't blow up over it.

[monkey's mom]

Sometimes my almost 6 year old will do that indecisive thing--hell, so do I! I just say, "What about x?" "Naaah." "OK, what about Y?" and so on. Or walk into the kitchen and look in the fridge or pantry together just pointing out possibilities.

If it's been a power thing I would think that telling him you know best might make it worse. Perhaps he's gotten a message that he doesn't know best and is second guessing his choices and is why he's reluctant to answer. ??

I think you're going to have to meet him more than halfway on this to calm things down. Just try to really "get on his side" about it and be as low-pressure and accomodating as possible until he feels like he's got some autonomy back.

Have you checked out that LLL book by Dr. Garcia? I forget the title, but it's supposed to be very good. His premise is that kids are going to eat what they need/want, and basically we can facilitate that or we can fight it and make them miserable (us, too!) and they're still going to eat pretty much the same--so we ought to just take the fight part out of it.

Anyway, good luck!!