November dating thread - Page 6

[BelovedK]

Oh my goodness

I rejoined match.com, just for kicks...I am not married to the idea of dating someone, I do feel I am ready though...The experience I had over this past month has shown me that it is possible to love unselfishly. I genuinely want him to be happy, even if it is not with me. What is the point of forcing something. Plus, I withdrew when I saw red flags with him, he wasn't standing up for me, and there was too much drama with the X gf, oh well...on to new things, but I still talk to him..

I have had some interesting responses at match..one guy from LA (I am in VA) wrote me this gargantuan email about his inner beliefs, all about himself and his relationship philosophies and proceeded to tell me that he wanted to marry me : WOW. He WAS cute, but , um, well? it was just funny, I wish I could share his email.

Wish me luck mamas, I would like some companionship this winter, but if it doesn't pan out, it will be okay too.

There is this really nice local guy who seems compatible with me, there are so many new guys on there right now (which is the only reason I rejoined)

[Spring Sun]

Originally Posted by Avani

I want to join in the fun too i am not technically dating anyone as of yet but i feel ready to get back out there. My kids will come first no matter what, especially my nursing baby and clingy two year old. I will not compromise cosleeping or nursing for dating, but i will include it. I will not date anyone who will not be ok with any of the above.

So, i have been harboring a crush on a certain man that works at one of my kids schools. I have run into him a few times and i have been manifesting him into my life more and more. Originally i was told he was partnered and he does have a little kiddo who is two. But that information apparently is outdated. My close friend's son was in his class last year and she told me that he and his partner were having problems last year and were possibly splitting up.Last month i ran into him at a coffee shop and he talked about his son's mama running a Waldorf preschool but never used the word partner. Yesterday i met my girlfriend for some coffee with our littlest kiddos and as i was leaving he pulled up beside me. I asked him about his holiday and he said it was mellow and he hung out with a buddy of his. Then he asked me if all five of my kiddos were mine looking back maybe he was fishing for if i had a partner who maybe some of the kids were theirs? Not sure. Then he said if i wanted to hang out with him and his kiddo and all my kiddos sometime that that would be fun So i kind of think maybe this is the beginning of something special I could be reading into it more, maybe he always asks ladies he barely knows to hang out with him and his babe. Maybe he is just being friendly. But i have such a crush! I would love for this to be something. I look forward to getting to know him and i hope an outing together would go as well as it does when we just run into each other randomly. He is a teacher and he loves,loves kids. Whenever he leaves the school he always says goodbye to my kiddo's class and calls them all sweethearts. He isn't even their teacher, but he takes the time to get to know them. Anyway, i hope i run into him soon and can actually make the plans to get together. I do worry about hanging out with him and 5 of my kiddos and trying to get to know him. It could be chaos and turn him off or who knows...he is a teacher so he is used to chaos.

Sounds like he is totally into you! I met my boyfriend on the bus to the airport. I thought he was sooo cute, and he had his five year old son with him. I glimpsed for his ring, saw none, so after talking the whole way and noticing him staring at me when I looked away, I decided to give him my card as we got off the bus. I said "Here is my number if you ever want to have a playdate sometime...". That was my way of playing it safe in case he did have a partner. So he did call me after his trip, and we went out without the kids, and have been together ever since. When I asked him about it later, he said he knew I did not really mean "playdate"with a big smile.

I would seriously take the initiative, though, and just ask him out to coffee ora drink without the kids. BF and I can barely make eye contact when we have our kids together, let alone have a meaningful conversation. And we each have only one child. He obviously likes you, be confident with that. Let us know how it goes!

[robinchap1]

blind date advice?

Well... I had dabbled in a little dating a few months ago and then decided I wasn't ready. I just don't have very much time in my world. And I really didn't want to take more time away from DS. And it was just feeling like too much.
Someone I know from work just asked me if I would be interested in a blind date with a friend of hers. She is very sweet. I like her a lot. I figure she probably has nice friends, so... why not? I've never been on a blind date before! I told her to warn him 1st that my DS is 17 months, not a great sleeper, sleeps in my bed, and still nurses and that if that doesn't scare him away, I'll meet him! Well, he still wants to meet me and he emailed. I think we're going out for a bite Friday night. He sounds nice, funny, and he can punctuate (this, as silly as it sounds, is a big thing for me... so I discovered in my adventures in online dating!!!).
Any blind date tips? I'm terrible at this dating thing. No experience. Nervous, shy. Haven't had my hair cut in like 8 months at least. Short on clothing that actually looks nice... You know... busy, harried single mom!
Thoughts on what to wear, things to talk about, etc.

I think I have what I've labeled "one wrong move" syndrome. I discovered with the little bit of dating I did, I kept being afraid that I had "screwed up" somehow. That the guy would immediately stop liking me or being interested based on one response to something, or one email. I don't want to be this insecure. It was actually one of the reasons I stopped dating... I thought I wasn't ready. If that were true, then I wouldn't want to date that guy anyhow, right? Right! But here I am having it again. I emailed this guy back this morning and then didn't hear from him all day and now I'm convinced that I ruined the whole thing by something I said in my very short email! Silly!!!

Anyway...
Beloved K: Good for you for getting back out there. You sound better. How are you feeling?
Still Snarky: The trust thing... yikes... I think I will be in the same boat if/when I get involved with someone. My ex cheated as well. And I thought he was solid and trustworthy too. The only thing I can say is that now... in retrospect... I can see the red flags that were there. And I think you've mentioned that as well in your blog. So the question is... did we REALLY not see them then? Or did we not want to see them? And if we just didn't want to... are we more honest with ourselves now after all we've been through so that we WOULD let ourselves see this time...
I'm so happy for you, btw.

[Avani]

I've never been on a blind date! I think having gotten the information out that you nurse and cosleep first was a great thing. Then you won't scare him off during the date. I say be casual and have fun. If anything it is just nice to get out and do something fun without a kiddo around.

So i ran into the guy i like yesterday and we were having a good talk and he seemed really happy to see me. He told me he was going back east to see his family for xmas time and i asked if his little one was going too. He said yes and his babe's mom too.So geez, are they together or not? I could totally see if he wanted his family to be with his babe over the holidays and because the babe is still young the mom needs to go to nurse and cosleep. He has never said my partner or wife, he said he spent thanksgiving with just a buddy and he asked me on a playdate with just him and his son. I'm confused and i was taken aback and didn't press further. So, i called my friend up who knew him pretty well when he was her kid's teacher and asked her what the deal was. She said as of the end of this last school year (so June 07) they were seperating but still living together because they have a young babe and he was cutting back on his work hours so they could try and work on the relationship. My friend also said that he was not the malicious type of man or the kind that would lead someone on. He is really friendly. I know i should just ask, i am confused because from my point of view he really comes across as a single man. Or i could be reading him wrong. I would not have any issues with him being seperated and still living with the mama because of a small babe. I've been there before and i understand. I should probably give up on him but he is one of those special men that really gets kids and he shines. Anyhow that is my bit of drama

[BelovedK]

Originally Posted by robinchap1

Well... I had dabbled in a little dating a few months ago and then decided I wasn't ready. I just don't have very much time in my world. And I really didn't want to take more time away from DS. And it was just feeling like too much.
Someone I know from work just asked me if I would be interested in a blind date with a friend of hers. She is very sweet. I like her a lot. I figure she probably has nice friends, so... why not? I've never been on a blind date before! I told her to warn him 1st that my DS is 17 months, not a great sleeper, sleeps in my bed, and still nurses and that if that doesn't scare him away, I'll meet him! Well, he still wants to meet me and he emailed. I think we're going out for a bite Friday night. He sounds nice, funny, and he can punctuate (this, as silly as it sounds, is a big thing for me... so I discovered in my adventures in online dating!!!).
Any blind date tips? I'm terrible at this dating thing. No experience. Nervous, shy. Haven't had my hair cut in like 8 months at least. Short on clothing that actually looks nice... You know... busy, harried single mom!
Thoughts on what to wear, things to talk about, etc.

I think I have what I've labeled "one wrong move" syndrome. I discovered with the little bit of dating I did, I kept being afraid that I had "screwed up" somehow. That the guy would immediately stop liking me or being interested based on one response to something, or one email. I don't want to be this insecure. It was actually one of the reasons I stopped dating... I thought I wasn't ready. If that were true, then I wouldn't want to date that guy anyhow, right? Right! But here I am having it again. I emailed this guy back this morning and then didn't hear from him all day and now I'm convinced that I ruined the whole thing by something I said in my very short email! Silly!!!

Anyway...
Beloved K: Good for you for getting back out there. You sound better. How are you feeling?
Still Snarky: The trust thing... yikes... I think I will be in the same boat if/when I get involved with someone. My ex cheated as well. And I thought he was solid and trustworthy too. The only thing I can say is that now... in retrospect... I can see the red flags that were there. And I think you've mentioned that as well in your blog. So the question is... did we REALLY not see them then? Or did we not want to see them? And if we just didn't want to... are we more honest with ourselves now after all we've been through so that we WOULD let ourselves see this time...
I'm so happy for you, btw.

thank you for asking I am feeling so MUCH BETTER!!! I accept the fact that it was not meant to be with me and S... If he were to become close again with Xgf, then my eyes are even MORE open.. I will NOT accept someone who is not available due to entanglement with X, or even drama...I still can't believe I allowed myself to become entangled with that scenario. The consequence is that I now feel uncomfortable when I go out certain places, but what the hey? I can enendure it.

[Avani]

Beloved, i haven't read through any past posts here but that sounds like some intense, unhealthy drama! Good for you being able to push through that and move on. I can't believe a man would ask you to marry him so fast! It seems like you would want to meet someone first

[LankyLizards]

I know my life is nothing but stress lately, but, man, am I ready to date. It just really hit me recently. And now I have this silly crush on someone and he's really good with dd.....Do you think you have to wait ntil your ex is ready for you to date, though? I feel stupid even writing that, because what power should he have over my life, right? It's just that my ex is sorta moody and immature (so, yeah, he may *never* be ready) and I'm just worried he'll freak out. Has anyone had to deal with that - an ex who wasn't ready? And it's really annoying too, because now we've been apart way longer than we were even together. : But, this new guy....:. (Definitely helps that he's great with dd.)

[kerplunk]

I worry about that too, LankyLizards! Don't feel stupid - I think it's totally natural to not want to antagonize someone who is in your life and the life of your DD. My x was super jealous when we were together (big turn off!). He got mad when I said hi to our next-door neighbors!

And I feel you on the annoying part. I left x when I was 2 months pregnant (and didn't know I was pregnant) and now DD is 13 months, so it seems so crazy that he would have any impact on who/whether I might date. It feels like the girl-me who was his gf, is a completely different person than the mama-me I am now. I hadn't thought about it, but now I realize we've been apart longer than we were together, just like you.

My big plan for dating is that I'm going to tell x ahead of time, so that he has time to get used to it. Also, that way at first he'll think of it as "dating" in general, not as me with some specific guy for him to hate. We'll see what happens. I think there will still be some drama, but I refuse to engage in it with him.

Though I continue to worry about it, I refuse to let that worry and his immaturity affect my actions. At least, I hope I've grown that much

[LankyLizards]

That sounds good, kerplunk. I just started thinking about this last night actually. I asked him (ex) if he would be willing to watch dd one night so I could go out with a (male) friend of mine, who I have been friends with since before I met ex actually. And he looked upset. And then said "If I ever get over this cold..." Which scared me, because it's like he will decide if he approves of where I'm going (and who with) before he will agree to watch dd. And I don't really have many options for babysitters, so....Also, he knows the guy I'm sort of interested in. So that makes it a little more awkward.

[incorrigible]

.

[LLobsterTV]

Originally Posted by Avani

I've never been on a blind date! I think having gotten the information out that you nurse and cosleep first was a great thing. Then you won't scare him off during the date. I say be casual and have fun. If anything it is just nice to get out and do something fun without a kiddo around.

So i ran into the guy i like yesterday and we were having a good talk and he seemed really happy to see me. He told me he was going back east to see his family for xmas time and i asked if his little one was going too. He said yes and his babe's mom too.So geez, are they together or not? I could totally see if he wanted his family to be with his babe over the holidays and because the babe is still young the mom needs to go to nurse and cosleep. He has never said my partner or wife, he said he spent thanksgiving with just a buddy and he asked me on a playdate with just him and his son. I'm confused and i was taken aback and didn't press further. So, i called my friend up who knew him pretty well when he was her kid's teacher and asked her what the deal was. She said as of the end of this last school year (so June 07) they were seperating but still living together because they have a young babe and he was cutting back on his work hours so they could try and work on the relationship. My friend also said that he was not the malicious type of man or the kind that would lead someone on. He is really friendly. I know i should just ask, i am confused because from my point of view he really comes across as a single man. Or i could be reading him wrong. I would not have any issues with him being seperated and still living with the mama because of a small babe. I've been there before and i understand. I should probably give up on him but he is one of those special men that really gets kids and he shines. Anyhow that is my bit of drama

don't you wish that romantic interests came with a user manual? i hope you are able to gain some clarity concerning his situation really soon. he sounds pretty special.

[LLobsterTV]

Beloved K - good for you for putting your foot down and doing what's best for YOU.

Lanky Lizards - don't put your life on hold for him. i was in a similar situation and agreed to withold dating anyone. guess who broke the agreement? yeah, my ex did. he 'beat' me to it, i guess you can say. by giving him that satisfaction, you could be cheating yourself out of a happy, fulfilling relationship. you all aren't together for a reason, and it's not up to you to bend over backwards to accomodate him.

incorrigible - i think most single parents can empathize with you concerning having someone to share affection with. it seems to be my experience that a man takes interest in me when i'm not looking. hopefully, something good will happen to you. have you thought about joining a dating service?

Personal Update: i had another date with j last night. he went with me to my friend's house to listen to us play music. he was being silly and called himself my groupie while insisting on carrying my guitar. we had a good time and my friends seem to like him. i'm totally smitten, especially when he does things like kiss my forehead and interact with my friends' children.

*swoon!*

seriously though, how long does one date someone before declaring themself a couple. i know we've only been dating for two weeks, but we talk for hours over the phone EVERY day! i feel like i know so much about him already. of course, i'm opting to be old-fashioned and will not bring the subject up to him.

[PixieAlly]

Originally Posted by incorrigible

harumph....normally I'm not at all discontent with being single...and I can't imagine having to deal with all the extra ... well just extra everything a relationship brings to life. But I'm feeling kinda : lately. I can sour grapes it that I don't have room in my life for a man right now anyway, but really it's not that there isn't room...there just isn't a man. I don't *need* one, but I'm tired of being alone all the time. I'm tired of always having to be "so strong" and never depend on anyone. It's not like I'm unwilling to depend on anyone...there just isn't anyone there. =/ And I miss kissing...oh do I miss kissing. It's a couple weeks from 2 years since I've kissed a man...all technicalities included! :

But...there just isn't anyone. There isn't anyone in my life I'm the slightest bit attracted to...well, there's a father at scouts that looks JUST like Jason Dohring +10-15 yrs. Hotty hot hotty! lol But, I'm pretty sure he's married (a comment was made by a leader about my being the only single parent in the rather large pack) and we've never actually spoken or made eye contact or anything. lol He's just nice to look at. That's it though, as far as men go. The very few single ones I know are SUCH bad matches for me it's not even funny...plus there's no attraction on either end.

I don't want to live happily ever after or anything, but it would be nice to just have someone to go out with. Even if there was no kissing! : Just some kind of indication that I'm not such a "totally one of a kind girl" that there isn't anyone out there I can even share the slightest romantic interest with, you know? This one (usually really, really lame) date a year business is getting out of hand.

You don't actually have to respond. I just needed somewhere to gripe. : Griping to my mom results in suggestions for diets (cause life would be better if you could just lose that 10 lbs, no the next 10, no the next 10!), and griping to my friends results pity and confidence that I'll "find the right guy". I just can't take any more confidence in the impossible, you know?


blah!

I know what you mean...I am kind of sick of people telling me I don't need a man, I am strong, I can do it all on my own, blah blah blah. Yeah, I know that but that doesn't mean it's the best option for me. Human beings are suppose to be paired up (at least in my mind they are...I don't want to be alone the rest of my life) and are suppose to have someone to be affectionate with. Just because I CAN do it on my own, doesn't mean I WANT to...it doesn't mean I am weak if I want to have a boyfriend to go out with and have fun with and kiss I am so sick of people making me feel like I am dysfunctional because I want a companion. It's not like I'm going out there grabbing whoever I can get...it seems I've been pretty picky lately actually.

Anyway, just wanted you to know you're not alone. I miss kissing too.

Ally

[mahinas_mommy]

Guess it's time for me to start hanging out here...
Even with all my effort to keep guys away, one has wandered into my life. We're currently in a grey area, but i wouldn't mind pursuing it further.

Gonna snoop around and see what you guys have been up to!

[Avani]

From my point of view i don't see the reasoning in waiting to date until our ex's are ready. If you are ready then do so. Keep it under wraps if you feel guilty. In my experience the men in my life have always dated right away, even though i wasn't ready it did hurt to see them move on so fast but whatever, such is life. You have to move on eventually.

I haven't been with a man for almost a year. I needed that time badly though. Especially after the abuse. My ex moved on while were together and while i was pregnant.

So i ran into my crush again, this morning. We talked a bit and that was about it, his little one started crying and he had to go to work. yesterday when i saw him my friend was with me and she said that the way he looked at me showed he really liked me. So i don't know. We haven't set a playdate yet and i am so bad at asking. I really want some background on his ex or maybe not ex. He never has brought her up. He is special and i would love to get to know him better.

[Spring Sun]

Originally Posted by Avani

From my point of view i don't see the reasoning in waiting to date until our ex's are ready. If you are ready then do so. Keep it under wraps if you feel guilty. In my experience the men in my life have always dated right away, even though i wasn't ready it did hurt to see them move on so fast but whatever, such is life. You have to move on eventually.

I haven't been with a man for almost a year. I needed that time badly though. Especially after the abuse. My ex moved on while were together and while i was pregnant.

So i ran into my crush again, this morning. We talked a bit and that was about it, his little one started crying and he had to go to work. yesterday when i saw him my friend was with me and she said that the way he looked at me showed he really liked me. So i don't know. We haven't set a playdate yet and i am so bad at asking. I really want some background on his ex or maybe not ex. He never has brought her up. He is special and i would love to get to know him better.

He is so into you! I am just waiting to see you take the initiative! Go for it! Asking him out to coffee when the kids are all in school is no big deal. Friends do that. Then you can ask him about his partner or not-partner!

[Spring Sun]

Originally Posted by PixieAlly

I know what you mean...I am kind of sick of people telling me I don't need a man, I am strong, I can do it all on my own, blah blah blah. Yeah, I know that but that doesn't mean it's the best option for me. Human beings are suppose to be paired up (at least in my mind they are...I don't want to be alone the rest of my life) and are suppose to have someone to be affectionate with. Just because I CAN do it on my own, doesn't mean I WANT to...it doesn't mean I am weak if I want to have a boyfriend to go out with and have fun with and kiss I am so sick of people making me feel like I am dysfunctional because I want a companion. It's not like I'm going out there grabbing whoever I can get...it seems I've been pretty picky lately actually.

Anyway, just wanted you to know you're not alone. I miss kissing too.

Ally

I feel the same way. I want to have a family, more children, and a partner. When I say I don't need to be with someone,what I am really saying is that I don't need to be with someone that is just okay. I am saying I prefer to be alone than to choose the wrong guy again, or to settle. I am saying I don't want to waste my time with someone I know is not potential "the one" just so I can have someone to spend time with. I would rather be alone than to dick around with someone that is not totally right for me.

[Avani]

Out of curiousity, how does he seem to be into me?I can't quite tell yet myself

[Spring Sun]

Originally Posted by Avani

Out of curiousity, how does he seem to be into me?I can't quite tell yet myself

Well, you know he at least likes you as a person since he asked to have a playdate with you. If you did at least that, you could find out if he has a partner or not. I bet if you really looked inside, to those feelings in your belly, you could tell if he was sending you those vibes or not. And by the way you sound, it does seem like he is sending you those vibes. Plus, he asked about your situation, so was probably trying to figure out if you are single or not.

So, a few suggestions:
next time you see him, ask him if he has his son full time or not.
just ask him out to coffee! What will it hurt?
Google him I am serious! Does he have a myspace page? A blog for his son?

When will you see him next?

[Avani]

Thanks. I haven't dealt with dating or men in 9 years. I'm not used to this stuff again. I think the fact that i only had talked to him three times before he asked me to hang with him and his son was a good sign. i think it was him saying he wanted to get to know me better. he seems happy to see me when i see him. My friend said the way he looked at me was much different then the way she seems him looking at other ladies around the school. I guess i really hope we can get together and get to know each other. I guess i am curious if a man who had a partner would ask a single mama on a playdate.