November dating thread - Page 3

[kerplunk]

Meh is better than blech!

[CookieMonsterMommy]

Originally Posted by mmace

I'm in a mood this morning because he slept over last night, for only the second time ever. It does my heart good to be able to wake up in his arms and not have to make him go home. And it works out well that he is a hunter and wanted to be out the door by six, so I didn't have to worry about any questions from my kids.

sigh...I miss waking up with a warm body next to me. (well, one that's more than 58 pounds, lol, cuz ds sleeps with me once in a while still)

I am a little bummed out, because I would like JD to come by my place and hang out, but I'm so not ready for him to meet ds. Or for ds to meet him, more accurately. (Not that I'm going to hold off forever on him meeting my "friends", but I don't want exDP bothering ds about my "friends", yk?)

[mmace]

[QUOTE][I am a little bummed out, because I would like JD to come by my place and hang out, but I'm so not ready for him to meet ds. Or for ds to meet him, more accurately. (Not that I'm going to hold off forever on him meeting my "friends", but I don't want exDP bothering ds about my "friends", yk?)/QUOTE]

This wasn't much of a problem for me, because 1. The kids knew him before I started dating him, and 2. Their father hardly ever calls them, so it didn't even come up until we had been dating for almost three months.

[LankyLizards]

Pursuer or Pursuee? (dating question)

Ok, so for the first time since DD was born two years ago I am, finally, attracted to someone. It's weird, but nice. I have actually known him for about five years, but never really saw him this way. I don't know what it is. Anyway, my question is, since becoming a single parent do you find that you are more keen to pursue someone, by which I mean approach and be direct and upfront. Or are you more likely to just sit back and wait to see if something happens naturally, having been in a bad relationship in the past as most of us have (not all, but probably a majority, I would think). Also, how the heck do you get any confidence? I mean, I feel like everyone within a mile radius can see me blushing when I talk to him. Ok, spill....

[green]

I have pursued and have also sat back and watched it all pass by me... I am honestly not sure which is best. And I know what you mean when you talk about everyone watching you blush from a distance!

When I pursued a man I was interested in, it actually turned out well and we ended up having great times - I would not change that for anything. I am far more cautious now - for a variety of reasons. I have also gently pursued and had no return from another man. And, as already mentioned, have watched it pass before my eyes without any action from me. Right now, I am personally in a state of wanting to be the one asked.

If you don't go for it, then you won't know - but in the back of my mind is always the sayings, "when in doubt, don't" and "he's just not that into you" I feel the need to be cautious right now.

Good luck. I can't wait to hear what you decide!

[mmace]

My story is similar. I've known the guy I'm dating for about 7 or 8 years, through our kids sports. His son is two years ahead of my daughter, but through baseball we were always at the fields at the same times. He knew my x, I knew his x. My x left about four years ago, his x left about two years ago. We saw each other all the time and said "Hi" back and forth. Our church does fish frys every Friday during Lent, he came every week for the past two years, and I always worked the window, so we chatted back and forth there. He told me the other day that he was flirting with me all that time, I told him that he needed to work on his flirting skills, but come to think about it, now that he's mine I don't want those skills honed!

Anyway, last February I finally decided that since he didn't seem to ever be going to do anything, I was going to make the first move and ask him out the next Friday. Wouldn't you know it, he came with a girl. On my turf! The nerve! He never showed up with the girl again, but after seeing him on a "date" I just couldn't do it.

Finally last May a mutual friend gave me the "are you dating anyone?" feel out for him, he called two days later, and we've been seeing each other ever since. And he has been the biggest blessing in my life, other than my kids.

Soooo - long, pointless story short - do what feels right! kekeke

[DaughterOfKali]

I may be going on a date soon but I'm nervous about it. I met him online. Swore I'd never do that again but I forgot about one of my profiles online and he contacted me.
We seem to a bunch of interests in common but there are a couple of things I'm hesitant about. He's not a father. One of his main interests is working out. Almost every day. He's fully aware that I'm a plus size woman and his profile actually claims that's what he's looking for.
Now, I'm not dumb. I know that there are a lot of men out there who think that an overweight woman is an easy target. So, I'm just not sure if I want to go ahead and have coffee with him.

[BugMacGee]

Good luck Daughter of Kali! I hope things go well. And we expect you to update us too. wink.

[LiamsMommy]

Help! Comfort me!!

Hi am Veronica, been single for a little over 4 years. DS was 6 months old when his dad and I split.
So now I was on POF for a couple of days and met this totally amazing guy! I have a 4 year old boy and he has a 7 year old. He and his ex were never married but lived together. They broke it off about two years ago.

My new man Sheldon has been single for about 2 years so it has been he and his son. His ex was cheating and has been with that same guy the whole time.

Sheldon has been a complete dream....dozen roses the day after we met...three or four weeks into dating he tells me he has never met anyone like me and that I have changed his life because he never thought that I existed.

Then presents me with a beautiful diamond neaklace. He told me that he is completly committed to me and does not want anyone else.
Problem? His son says that he feels like his dad doesn't pay attention to him when we are around. Sheldon doesn't think so... We only see each other the weekends and one night a week because he lives 25 miles away.
He also told his dad that he likes Liam more than him.

Shaun said that he likes Liam and I.
Sheldon thinks that his son is upset but maybe not expressing it the way he means too.
I was over there last weekend and his dad was working on his boat (races boats and he in the process of rebuilding one) I was heading out and his son wanted to come with me. I had stayed over the previous night and we were all going to a birthday party together. Anyway his son gladly went with me to the store and ran a few errands. His son is nice to me and my son. He even asked if we were going with he and his dad for thanksgiving (to the river for the boat race)
Sheldon says his feelings haven't changed he just doesn't know what to do about Shaun (his son). I told him that if his feeling haven't changed that we should just spend time together when the kids aren't around (which is not very often )
He has vacation coming up the week of thanksgiving and said that he is going to go do some things with he and Shaun.

So anyway.....super long post...got that sick insides feeling ...any comforting words of advice? Help!

So I forgot to add that I have felt Sheldon pulling back and kept asking if something was bothering. He kept saying no. Finally today I laid out and said I feel like your feelings have changed. He texted back that he had been slowing down because shaun was upset about us but his feeling haven't changed. SO THIS IS WHY I HAVE THE SICK FEELING YIKES!!!!!!!!!!
I think might be freaking out for nothing but so afraid of being hurt. I was good being alone. NOW UM....SCARED! I love this man!

[NinaBruja]

ugh dating lol...

so im really confused right now. i finally went out and spent time with the guy im into and i totally cant tell if hes interested...
he totally feels like a girlfriend... he called me 'smart and attractive' when we did talk in person it was fun. it was so very fun. but it was a group thing and sometimes i felt like he forgot i was there. i dont want to seem clingy so i just chilled and enjoyed the show. when we did talk it was all nice. very nice. when we talked i felt like we connected.
well he is a libra so maybe he cant decide if hes into me or not

[SillyLilStinkweed]

Good luck to those who are getting their feet wet!!!

Poxybate - Hmmmm... Maybe you need to get him alone before you can really know? Yeah, my ex was a Libra and there is a weird kind of detached thing going on, that makes you feel like they're not into you. BUt my ex probably wasn't for more reasons then just astrology! He's given you compliments. I just got advice from a guy friend and he said that compliments on the 1st 2nd date mean a lot! Yep, get him alone, then report back. Oh and, I think the group may have hindered/distracted him in a way.



Liam's Mom - What a tough situation. I'm sure once a little time goes by, Seldon, won't give up his happiness and needs. I think that his pulling back seems like an okay thing. Because I'd suggest that he slow down, reevaluate, take a look at things, etc... and realize he wants you!

It sounds like Shaun likes you. But also sounds like a typical reaction, from an older child. Not that his Dad is really spending less time. Do you think Sheldon knows that? Of course, for any man or woman to be in a relationshp, no matter what, I guess they would be spending less time with their child, especially when they were giving them all their time in the first place. I wonder if Shaun will miss you and express it to Sheldon? Maybe plan dates when Shawn can have a school friend over and will want to run off with his friend and not be around Dad?

In this matter, time is what you need. Shaun needs to get used to you, and maybe taking it slow is a good thing, in the end. So that he doesn't get burned out causing bigger problems, long term. Absense makes the heart grow fonder. And if it doesn't work out, maybe it will be a blessing is disguise? Dating someone with a child and also having a child is HARD. I was just thinking tonight that if my current little fling doesn't work out, I may be avoiding men with children. I know that sounds aweful, having a child myself and all but I see it to be really complicated in the long run. Him giving his child more love and attention, I giving mine more love and attention...... but trying to be equal..... like one big juggling act. It sure feels that way during playdates!! Of course, once he falls in love with you and wants to spend his life with you, then I bet it gets easier to love the children evenly.

[PixieAlly]

Well I've come to the conclusion that CraigsList just sucks LOL I got an email yesterday with a photo from someone who seemed nice but I didn't have time to write him back right away. 7am this morning there is an email in my inbox saying something like "well I guess you saw my picture and decided no but thanks for the first letter I guess". What a $#%#$%! I mean seriously, barely 24 hours went by! I wrote him back and told him that actually, I just hadn't had time to write him back yet but after his last email I'm glad I didn't.

I still have a couple I've been chatting with and will hopefully meet in person soon but after them I give up

Ally

[CookieMonsterMommy]

Re: Confidence. I know it sounds corny or whatever-but fake it! ACT like you're confident and not nervous, and you feel more confident and less nervous. I literally would not let myself get freaked out before I went out with JD, and know what? I wasn't. Anytime I'd start to get butterflies (the bad kind) or think "OMG, did you just say that?" I'd tell myself to knock it off and enjoy yourself.

It really worked. Not 100%, but instead of freaking out and worrying if I sounded too dorky, or too bitchy or too whatever, or if I was too over dressed or underdressed or too fat or too bumpy lol, I just let myself have a good time.

And it's also hard for me to initiate conversations, ie being the first to call or whatever, but I figured what the hell? I'm lonely and I'm tired of being lonely. If he rejects me, he rejects me, but if I never try then what? Then I'm rejecting myself.

On that note, I'm off to JD's house-he's gonna cook for me...not sure what we'll do the rest of the day. It's nice out-maybe go for a walk and talk?

Kelly

[NinaBruja]

Originally Posted by CookieMonsterMommy

If he rejects me, he rejects me, but if I never try then what? Then I'm rejecting myself.

oh! i love it!
i found my new dating mantra

[SillyLilStinkweed]

Wow great mantra!

Ally, wow, HUGE red flag!


I need advice

I went on 3 dates with someone who likes me, but I'm not into him. He asked me out to dinner in an email. I have 2 books he loaned me. I'm burned out and don't have time to date. (I'm still dating someone I really like, and don't even think I should date him. Who I'm having over for dinner tomorrow night) I want to spend the little time I can find babysitters on myself. I need to say, "Thanks, but no thanks" and I need to give him his books back. I have NO skills in this area. I would love any advice. I feel a lot of dread. Last time I went on a date with him, he had go #2 like 3 times, and I don't want him to think it's because of that.

~K

[DaughterOfKali]

I've decided not to go on this date. The guy hasn't even emailed me since Friday.

[NinaBruja]

Originally Posted by SillyLilStinkweed

Last time I went on a date with him, he had go #2 like 3 times, and I don't want him to think it's because of that.

wow sorry i cant help... i have no skills there either.

[PixieAlly]

Originally Posted by SillyLilStinkweed

Wow great mantra!




Last time I went on a date with him, he had go #2 like 3 times, and I don't want him to think it's because of that.

~K

I'm sorry, I found this statement really funny. I am bad in this area too. I was in a similar situation a few years ago and luckily the guy also felt there was no connection...he sent me a really nice email saying what he liked about me but that he didn't feel any connection and he said it seemed I might feel the same. Since you have his books make you could meet him for coffee...make it clear you only have about 20 minutes or so? I don't know...

Ally

[LankyLizards]

Huge chicken over here.....I would mail him his books.

I, too, love the mantra. Such awesome advice.

[Still_Snarky]

it's already been a month since i met d. i'm really liking him still. we're having fun and um, fun is good.