HSchooling the Highly Sensitive Child

[melissabb]

I am hoping someone can please help me. I know you are all very busy mommas so I am genuinly appreciative of any information you might have the time to provide.

I have a 7 yr old son who is currently in the PS system in grade 2. He is what I would call a highly sensitive child. He is not doing particularily well in school and doesn't like the 'work' part of school. Now, I do not think he is being lazy. I honestly know that he just doesn't learn well in an environment that is noisy and with hustle and bustle. It is like he can not process so much external stimuli. KWIM?

Anyway, I really want to pull him and HS him. I have thought of this for years but now I don't think I can wait any longer.

Here is my problem - hubby. He isn't 100% against it but also isn't 100% for it either. I have no doubt that once the deed is done he will understand how this is so beneficial. He is a kind of "I need to see it to believe it " guy when it comes to stuff like this.

So, mommas....does anyone know of any research or links about the benefits of homeschooling especially for the highly sensitive child?

I am tired of the school deciding my child's worth on the first 4 letters of the alphabet. They do not understand his special needs. They want to do a freaking test to see if he is learning disabled! He is NOT. He just learns differently. He is very bright and inquisitive but can not keep the pace of others when there is so much stimuli.

Please, any help is VERY much appreciated.

[moominmamma]

Originally Posted by melissabb

I honestly know that he just doesn't learn well in an environment that is noisy and with hustle and bustle. It is like he can not process so much external stimuli. ....does anyone know of any research or links about the benefits of homeschooling especially for the highly sensitive child?

I know of one study done here where I live. Three highly sensitive, intense introverted children, who were known to be easily overwhelmed by large-group social environments and environments with lots of visual and auditory clutter were homeschooled (unschooled, actually) for periods ranging from 4 to 8 years. Results showed that in comparison to their age-peers in a school environment, they were on average more academically capable in all areas except handwriting, retained more passionate interest in learning, had no indicators of stress, had high subjective levels of satisfaction with their lives and had the time to develop their various interests and talents to exceptionally high levels.

Of course this was not a randomized controlled study. It's just my family.

But really, it's a no-brainer. A child is sensitive to and easily overwhelmed by high levels of sensory stimulation. You propose to put him in a better-suited environment that minimizes such over-stimulation. I understand why you think studies would be helpful for your dh, but really, I don't see why 'proof' would be necessary. Just point out to him the no-brainer aspect of it and go for it!

Miranda

[Cenote]

Hey Melissaabb,

My 7 yo ds is a highly sensitive child as well. He went to a co-op preschool and even that was way to much structure/stimulus for him. We finally clued in during his last year of preschool (he was 4.5 yo) and decided to try homeschooling for kindergarten. We thought we would only hs for k, but here we are, still happily hsing. Ds says he wants to hs all through school. Don't know how that'd work for college ----- .

He is still introverted, and highly sensitive, but he now can decide what activities he wants to participate in. Ds is much more comfortable in small groups of kids that he already knows or can get to know at his own pace so that's what we do.

The wonderful thing about hsing is that you can gear what you do to what works best for your kid. And you will very rarely get that kind of individual educational experience from a school.

We tend to be more unschoolers than anything else -- and that's worked very well for ds. At his preschool, there was more structure than he was comfortable with -- ie. they were doing pretty structured artwork. He completely rebelled against being told what, when and how to draw and wouldn't participate. As a result, once we began hsing, it took him six months or so before he was ready to do any kind of artwork. Now, he draws and paints all the time.

I think sensitive, introverted kids do very well homeschooling. My kid has!!! They can develope at their own pace, with the kids and adults that they want to be around.

I highly recommend it! My ds is thriving and our family is much much better off for homeschooling!!!!

Good luck!

Michelle

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by moominmamma

But really, it's a no-brainer. A child is sensitive to and easily overwhelmed by high levels of sensory stimulation. You propose to put him in a better-suited environment that minimizes such over-stimulation. I understand why you think studies would be helpful for your dh, but really, I don't see why 'proof' would be necessary. Just point out to him the no-brainer aspect of it and go for it!

ITA. Remind your husband that your ds is young. His life isn't going to be ruined by trying out homeschooling.

[Lillian J]

Sounds like my son. And he thrived in homeschooling! He's grown up to be a very strongly rooted and balanced young man who can hold his own in any sort of environment. And yet, I really worried about him off and on as a child because he seemed so shy and overwhelmed in some situations, especially large groups.

His reaction to the external stimuli in a classroom was exactly like your son's! When I was looking for a school that would be a good fit for him, I was surprised to find that the little local public school was by far the nicest situation - but I could see from a day of observation in classrooms there that he could never function with all the noise and commotion all around. I do think they both might have a problem that I think I have too, though - sounds in the room don't seem to be differentiated as well as they are for others, which is something that isn't always obvious. When he was in 1st grade, his last year of school, the teacher used to have him sit up close to her so that he could hear her well, or else he was overwhelmed by the other voices and sounds in the room. Regardless, homeschooling is a wonderful alternative to all the things you hate about what's happening in school.

Take a look at my article on my family's homeschooling journey - it starts out with exactly the kind of complaints you mention: Homeschooling - It's a Wonderful Life!

I noticed that a website for highly sensitive people has a link to my website for information on homeschooling - so I'll suggest that you do some reading there: BestHomeschooling.

I had a lot more to say, but I've just run out of steam... Oh - wait - here's a link to a whole lot of good discussion here in MDC on how to deal with skeptical family - lots of tips - click on the links in this to go to a lot more helpful posts: "Did your hubby want you to hs?"

- Lillian

[canuckgal]

I have a sensitive 7 yr old dd...long post

I can totally relate to what you are saying about your ds. My dd has never been to school, kindergarten, or preschool. She loves learning at her own pace and we are unschoolers. She has alot of tactile sensitivites when it comes to clothing mostly. She totally would not function in a school/classroom environment, mostly due to hearing/comprehension/not-functioning-in-noisy-environments issues (I posted in a recent thread a few days ago about dd's diagnosis of auditory processing disorder), which leads to alot of ADD appearing behavior or meltdowns. She also smells coercion a mile away and would balk at being told she had to do "x" today in school with all the other kids and I have found that she does much better (and with less tears/frustration on everyone's part) if I really PAY ATTENTION to her cues and TRUST and follow her pace/lead. For example dd was happy just randomly writing and got stressed when trying out those workbooks with the dashed lines her grandma gave her...just letting her write whatever/whenever on blank paper, providing an alphabet placemat as a reference, as well as giving her something completley eraseable (whiteboard) gradually has led over time her being able to write the alphabet from memory--no forced "letter of the day stuff because mom said so" -- and she is now slowly getting into spelling here and there on pics she draws, makes my grocery list, and other real life reasons for writing. Yes, she is a bit "behind" in spelling and sheer volume of writing output if one thinks of her in a schooled sense, but to me it is worth it when I see her 7 yr old friends already hating writing (and their moms complaining about it) because they are coerced to do it everyday to keep up with the curriculum, and they are already losing their joy of it

FWIW, the audiologist we saw the other day had no qualms about her being homeschooled, and said alot of kids like her are just too stressed and cannot function in school, and sad to say alot of classroom environments cannot accomodate them....just confirmation of what my heart was already telling me.

I could look at all the things my dd "cannot do" and you will see them if you reference my past post this week about auditory processing I have described some of my frustrations at group activities we have had problems with. I was pretty bummed the day I wrote the post, I will admit, but am trying to look at it as following her lead and learning through trial and error what will work for us. I could send her to school and I know I would have one stressed out girl who would come home tired and miserable and I am sure would have the joy of learning sucked out of her. We have learned that she functions best in a small group of kids but not well in a busy noisy gym time unless mom is right there re-phrasing things and explaining the game or whatever, but I have to kick myself in the a$% and really question myself...is that she goes to homeschool "gym time" essential to her happiness in the here and now, or worth it if she just gets stressed out and cries and is frustrated or inattentive and appearing "lost in space"? If I just honor who she is and try to work with the strengths she has she does so much better and is happier and that is what is important, and as time goes on we will together find out what works for us and how to deal with her "limitiations" (and we have already gotten great ideas from the audiologist)

Hugs to you mama, and what I am saying is you CAN DO THIS. You just might have a much happier little boy as a result. By all means read Lillian's site and links above too, I know they have been a great help to me.

Good luck, I am off to look for links to share later.

Tina