Anyone ever had traumatic experience w/ UC? - Page 3

[laoxinat]

FWIW, MsBlack, ITA w/your posts. It sounds like semantics, but they "way" we think about things really does influence our feelings. Belief is paramount when it comes to assessing an experience. It doesn't marginalize the experience AT ALL to suggest the experiencer examine her beliefs about it. IMO, of course. We are belief makers; in fact, humans are the only creatures who can to my knowledge. We absolutely do choose the way we see things. To believe otherwise is to accept victim status, and I just can't. I had what many would characterize as a difficult hosp birth with my ds, but I chose to use that experience to bolster my determination to have the birth I really wanted. Instead of griping about the situation, I chose to ask myself the really hard questions, like who is ultimately responsible for the outcome of this birth? Me, of course. And as I examined my beliefs, I found I could discard the ones that were not contributory to the experience I wanted and take on those that did help. 2nd birth was absolutely everytng I wanted. Now, given the nature of birth, I am positive that had I had more kids, the next would have been...different. But the bottom line is that I now KNOW I am capable of birthing in strength and in peace.
laoxinat

[MsBlack]

Chantel, thanks and *whew, I'm glad we got that more clear and friendly!

loaxinat--thank you, too. You said it a lot more simply than I did... glad someone is good at that!

[Intertwined]

I guess I just don't see calling my birth what it was *to me* as 'griping' or 'choosing victim status' or anything of the sort. It *was* a hard, long, arduous journey. Why should I say anything else? It did make me feel mentally like I'd been plowed under. Why can't I say that? Why does that bother other people so much? Are we only to present UC (or NCB) as happy and peaceful? Aren't we doing a disservice to the MANY women who find birth to be something they completely didn't expect to then turn around and tell them they need to *only* frame it in a positive light?

I think it's words like "griping" that make me feel like I am being judged for my choice of how to view my birth. And I still find it facinating that I cannot both feel that the birth was incredibly difficult and also incredibly empowering. Just because I view my birth as something percieved as negative does not mean I cannot also see it as a positive, enlightening journey. I guess I just feel the tone of these posts is "buck up and quit your complaining"? Now *I* am the one who feels like she can't quite explain properly!

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by Chantelhayes

Since you don't have any concrete evidence that this was necessary, just rest in the knowledge that your body is very, very smart and that he was born just how he needed to be!

I'm having a hard time accepting that (bold). Like, I can't wrap my mind around that concept yet. But I agree w/ the part about the body being very smart and just knowing how to do just what needs to be done. So I know I'll get there, it's just a matter of time.

Originally Posted by Romana9+2

It's okay to feel the way you do, and for it to take time for things to make sense and for you to feel acceptance for the birth.

Thanks for that. I guess I wasn't expecting to have this feeling of unrest. I mean, I suppose it's not unusual, it's just not quite what I expected for my first UC. I LOVE that I had a UC and I'm so happy that I made this decision. I just did not expect the speed of delivery OR another baby over 9 lbs! (My first was 9lb 8oz in the hospital.) I think his size is another factor in the unsettled feeling.

I tried to rest as much as possible today. Tomorrow will be the same.

I asked dh to please write the birth story from his point of view because I think it might help me process things a bit better. I'm interested to see his version.

[hottmama]

Can I just say : to everything Chantel's posted?

I had a very difficult labor with my UC baby. I felt both traumatized and empowered, ecstatic, confident about it. I wouldn't trade it for my much easier, midwife-assisted hospital natural birth any day. But come on people, it's not griping to tell the truth about our own freakin' births!

[2bluefish]

I highly reccomend the book "Healing Wise" by Susun Weed - she explains the differences between the wise woman healing tradition, the heroic healing tradition (under which alot of "alternative" healing methods fall) and the scientific healing tradition. Once I read this, I finally understood why the ideas of creating my own reality did not contribute positively to my healing journey from PTSD after my first birthing. The Wise Woman healing tradition embraces "the void" - embraces pain as part of the spiral of life - yet that doesn't mean feeling "good" about pain - part of embracing pain is embracing the feelings that go with it - my first birth was traumatic - I was angry about it - and periodically as I cycle through the spiral of life I'm angry at the memory of it - the Wise Woman tradition asks me what I have learned from the experience and my feelings - the Heroic tradition tells me my feelings are wrong and I need to change them or they will destroy me - the Wise Woman tradition tells me my feelings are valid and I will be transformed through them. Check out the book when you get a chance - very interesting!

[Intertwined]

That sounds awesome 2BF! I will check it out!

[Intertwined]

Originally Posted by Justthatgirl

I'm having a hard time accepting that (bold). Like, I can't wrap my mind around that concept yet. But I agree w/ the part about the body being very smart and just knowing how to do just what needs to be done. So I know I'll get there, it's just a matter of time.

I think it was easier for me because when the placenta delivered, it was so obvious that she needed to be born as quickly as possible. That also happened to a friend of mine who suffered from "birth shock" from a very hard, fast labor like yourself. Her son was born with a 3X nuchal cord that was causing deep decels during pushing. It was also obvious to her that his birth was necessary. Just because it's not obvious, doesn't mean it wasn't necessary for him to be safe.

Just keep doing what you're doing and you will eventually get there. Time eases this a lot. As does the intense love for your child.

[LavenderMae]

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[HarperRose]

Well, it's been a month since the baby was born. He's doing well.

I, too, am doing well. I feel less rattled by the entire birth experience and have gone from feeling traumatized and shaken and unsure that I could handle it to feeling quite a bit like this:

Originally Posted by MsBlack

You can also say, DAMN!!! That hurt!!! OMYFREAKINGGAWD I cannot BELIEVE how much that hurt!!! I was scared I woudn't make it through! I thought I was being torn apart!!!! You just don't KNOW how close I came to going for an epidural or whatever else the hospital wanted to do to me. Hell with those 'painless birth' LIARS, as IF! But I DID IT!!! I got through, I am AN AMAZON!!!! Who knew birth could hurt so much but I did it and I am a GODDESS! I am SO glad that is over now, I think I'll go get a heating pad and breathe through these afterpains cuz they hurt like a B**** too and you'd think I'd get a break by now but DAMN I'M GOOD! And wouldja LOOK at this gorgeous perfect baby and my breasts and all this MILK! I can do ANYTHING now...JEEEZO, I never even had a moment to think about it, did you SEE how fast that hellish labor became pushing and then the BABY was there!!!! WHeeeoooo! THought I was gonna lose it for SURE, but I DIDN'T! Oh my, give me a warm cuppa tea, more ibuprofin, another blanket --and go away now, I need some time to deal with this and besides there's this cute baby to love on right now....wow...

It's ok. I feel much better about it (the birth) now. Still processing things, still working them out in my head, but things are good for me and I'm happy we had an unassisted birth.

[Lizzie9984]

Hmm, this is a hell of a thread to digest all in one sitting, but for the time being, I really don't think it was too fair to undermine the OP's sense of her experiance....A lot like the "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" phrase, perception and truth are in the heart of s/he who experiances that event, and all descriptive terms aside, every experiance is best told from one's own POV....If the OP genuinely feels it was traumatic, then who is anyone else to argue that? I know I'm not one of that crowd, I wasn't there and I can't dispute her experiance as being or not being classified as "traumatic", it was how she percieved it firsthand, not how someone else thought it should be percieved.

Just my 2 cents worth, coming from someone who experianced a traumatic emergency C-section, and was brushed off afterwards.......Never tell someone/insinuate to someone what they did/didn't feel, should/shouldn't have felt....