how am i gonna do this...money/unschooling

[chrysalis]

had to repost this in cleaner version minus my rant about someone on MDC...so here goes:

i'm trying to figure out HOW i'm gonna do this, unschool my soon to be TWO Children, provide for us, save up for my own car (i share my mom's right now...), etc. how i'm gonna make it. w/out stressing out too much... my mom and her boyf are helping me out right now as i'm prego but my mom is an absolute stress case the past few days about money and its stressing me out cuz its now obvious they cannot afford to carry our rent. (its $1000. for a shoebox of a cute condo in the same resort her and her boyf live in...it includes internet, electricity...) and its becoming quite obvious my mom can't manage her overwhelmed feelings re. money (nothing new) so how the heck is she going to manage my soon to be 5yo dd and my newborn son once i'm working a few hours a day???!!! she doesn't seem competent right now. its great having her so close by and its beautiful amongst the pines here in this resort w/ the hot tubs we use and pools........but now i'm thinking the payoff isn't worth it. a stressed out distant edgy mom more often than not and strings attached to the money i'm dependent on re. paying our rent here. (they put us in the condo when we arrived back in OR from MN where i just left my now ex fiance)

sooooo i have a few options.....there is a local co-housing community here and rent would be about $800 a month. utils wouldn't be too much i don't think.... or there are much cheaper apts that are actually pretty nice that are around $500 a month for a one bedroom..... i have a domestic violence grant that would help me pay my first and deposit for an apt.

my mom said but utilities are included where you are now and she's so close by here, and that it wouldn't be cheaper...plus sharing her car would be tougher, the cost of gas for her to come over and so forth. i feel trapped. i want to be independent. yet i'm pregnant and i "only" get $500 cash assistance, for whatever the food allowance doesn't pay for...food stamps are $300 which is awesome. that wouldn't even be enough while pg to pay for my rent... child support wouldn't kick in til a few months from baby's birth probably and i don't get it for meghs bio father...i want NOTHING to do w/ him especially and he's vindictive even though he is a serial baby girl maker and so forth...and he is around here someplace in central oregon as well, so i never established paternity re. him. this baby's bio father is in MN so i'm not too worried about him..........

so i'm not sure which route to take...stay here for a few months and deal w/ my mom's stressed out edgey bitchy attitudes OR get megh, baby and i into a low income nice apt. for like $500 a month and that would lower what my mom and her boyf help pay for each month til i am working. they'd only be helping w/ say, a few hundred per month compared to $1000.

i'm posting here cuz this kind of IS a communal family support system we have going on...its just that my mom and her boyf seem to be drowning in expenses and such and it seems to be putting them deeper into the water. any ideas?

once baby comes i could clean houses as there are many wealthy people around here that want good housecleaners. i don't want to be away from my kids.....much. hmmmmm what do u think? if mom wasn't so spent financially and so nasty in her attitude i wouldn't be so quick to go elsewhere but its grating on me and megh too.
thanks.
lis

ps-update this morning: my mom ordered an ice cream cake at ben and jerry's for meghs' bday yesterday. to p/u today and have tonight as her boyf's sons w/b here tonight and we thought it'd be nice to celebrate w/ them here...i overheard her boyf tell my mom to cancel it, it is just a 'place in their freezer'. what he doesn't know is it is personalized. i am getting annoyed that he seems to think HE is in charge of the family 'budget' we now have. i'm annoyed how little money we have to work w/. fine. i'll bake my baby a cake then. i will not be controlled again. i know they are helping me so much but its just overwhelming me to again be told what to do. i can't stand it.

i can tell my mom and her boyf don't want us to move but this budget stuff is obviously too tight. they can't afford this. and i don't want to be told what to spend my money on. ugh. this sucks. i'm gonna go to the store and get a cake mix and frosting.

and then there is my mom and her boyfs way of discipline, so to speak, which is not like mine. my mom is really boring and a stress case lately, very rude w/ megh and i. i can't stand being w/ her as she is just always on edge...gets annoyed w/ so much. i'm walking on eggshells for megh. so my mom and her boyf have this rule that all kids have to drink and eat at their table (which is tiny and only holds 2 people...maybe 3 if you pull another chair out of someplace...). this bothers me because i've always allowed megh to have my trust and spills happen, even w/ adults, even at tables. my mom's rule she says is less to clean up around the house...give me a break. i asked my mom, can i eat at the coffee table, then, as megh wanted to play go fish while i ate my cereal there. nope. can't eat at the coffee table. i did before as did my mom w/ me! i just feel megh is being constantly criticized and controlled and she needs less. then my mom crumpled up my mom's notes she had on the table and then wouldn't give it to her and put it inside this empty clay vase on my mom's floor by the fireplace. she wouldn't let my mom get to it. my mom was getting very flustered, rolling her eyes and giving that pouty i'm annoyed and watch-out look. megh does NOT need this. my mom hates to be compared to my ex, tom, but i'm sorry, she's doing a lot he did...just way too untolerant and annoyed w/ my dd. megh is obviously hurting by my mom's attitude... i said to my mom, 'i think she is feeling distrusted when you won't let her drink or eat anywhere else...we don't do that in our home...and she does just as fine as i do...my mom said 'well not in this house, that is our rule...and i don't think that's why (megh was acting the way she was)..." i said 'oh yah it is!!!' ' (yeah since when can't we eat away from the table...since this boyf became king of the hill? my mom adapts to every man she's been w/...its sickening...) my mom mutters, obviously to me, 'this has gotta stop'. i said 'what has to stop' and she said 'this behavior...' i just said nothing. sigh.... i have told my mother to be patient w/ megh and now she's expecting megh to just do whatever she says. she is NOT her mother. i am. we have a certain way we live, we are unschoolers, i am more meghs' facilitator than her dictator or ruler...so how do i get around this...i told megh at nanny's house there are rules...and megh continues to rebell against them there. my mom isn't patient w/ megh and gets pissy. i really wnat to move away from her again now...i'm getting so frustrated for megh. and obvsiouly my mom has no patience for megh how is she going to for a baby on demand AND megh if i'm working? i need to figure something out. i can't live like this. all controlled. i know her and her boyf mean well but i just don't like this in my immediate family circle. any advice?

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[GooeyRN]

I was wondering where your post went... I guess it got locked?

I really feel for you. It seems like you left one controlling situation and got stuck in another. :

[chrysalis]

yes my post is someplace...totally gone for now...should come back soon. there was some good stuff in there isaacsma and i were discussing about housecleaning jobs...........sigh.

yeah my mom is really something. she reallllllllly gets to me.

we just went to the hot tub (ahhhhhhh! megh and i feel great from it! we go almost every night now...) and she's just standing there chewing her gum like she is 40 years old or younger and i don't know why she won't interact...its like all she knows how to do is 'love' thru money...spending it on clothes, etc. for megh and i...she's always been like this, never real affectionate or involved in stuff...bugs me. she said 'we need to talk about megh' and i thought oh, here we go...........i thought she was gonna say that meghs behavior needs to end again........she KNOWS megh is going thru a hard time and w/b getting counseling. but no, this time was about HOW she should deal w/ megh when i'm in labor if i'm having a hard time...but she worded it as WHEN...like this is her reality. she says you know i have a hard time seeing you in pain.....i said mama, think of it as MY personal power, a rush......i will get thru it.....don't put that on me!!! i said megh knows it might hurt me....that i'll say ouch or moan or even scream......my mom joked chewing her gum and said she'd say 'just get it over with already!' and i said you say THAT and you will feel my WRATH. : what a screwed up thing to say to me!!! she really is twisted. very immature for her age. i suppose i am too at 37.......

tom and my mom remind me a lot of each other i hate to say. my mom is my only close family. we have a strange relationship. its better via voicemail/phone than in person. i really need to get independent and fast as i can...i need to soooo badly for my own sanity.:

sheamas doesn't usually move all around like he is tonight in hot tub and now out...maybe he needs protein. hmmm. maybe he's letting me know he's getting ready. wouldn't that be weird if he came on meghs' 5th bday...the 5th. ugh. man he's thumping me away w/ his feet and i can feel him moving around lower too, down by my cervix........not so comfty for me.

i hate to admit it but tom seems most active on true.com. i peeked in there again (i know......i know..........why do i torture myself like this...) to see what he's sent to women and wow, he's really picking up his pace the past few days.......he's on a mission to talk to women. makes me sick but ya know it actually now makes me feel so much better now cuz he's even more scummy to me...how sick. yuck......puke. i really don't even feel that sad or hurt by it now. just it confirms so much to me. he likes this ones smile and he wants to know this one better and he'd 'love' to talk more w/ that one and so forth. whatever!

[Curlita]

LIsbeth, I think it would be good for you to get out on your own as soon as you can, both for your own well-being and for the good of your relationship with your mom. It sounds like you have a lot of stress and tension and baggage between you. She really helped you get out of the situation with Tom and it would be a shame to lose the ground you gained in working together on that.

Cleaning is one option for gaining income and childcare would be another. I think that childcare can be a great way to bring in income and also spend time with your own kids. And it wouldn't interfere with homeschooling as much if you were doing before/after care.

I think that you are stacking up your issues, though, and they might be easier to deal with one at a time. It might help (I'm a crazy list maker) to make a list of what issues you need to find a solution for, and then the possible options for each. It might help you figure out what the priorities are instead of dealing with a random pile of mental poo, you know?