Constant Negativity

[peacelovingmama]

Sometimes DS (5) seems to be caught in a whiny/complainy negativity spiral and it can be very annoying to be around. He'll complain about everything, even things that he seems to enjoy (example: "why did we go to the big pumpkin patch this year, I wanted to go to the little one," "I don't like this apple, it's too sweet," "It's too sunny outside," "Why isn't it Christmas yet?" etc. etc.).

This makes me :. Any ideas on how to respond to him? I feel like I should just affirm his feelings ("It sounds like you are really excited about Christmas" etc.) but sometimes he drives me batty with the constant negativity.

[rmzbm]

My 7 yr. old son is like that alot too. I don't like it either. My personal opinion is that (of course not ALWAYS) when kids talk this way it could mean they don't feel good inside. (I don't mean sick wise, I mean something's bothering them.) Just something I noticed seemed to be a pattern with him. So I try working on that aspect of it.
Of course, he has been through an awful lot so it could very well be just a *him* thing.

[Roar]

This might be better for the seven year old than the five year old but I"m sure it depends on the kid http://www.amazon.com/What-When-You-...4213334&sr=1-4

Also, I would make sure you are really modeling being positive. It may help to talk through your thinking "you know I thought that at first about the pumpkin patch too, but then I remembered the big pumpkin patch has great cider, I guess there are good things about both".

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by Roar

This might be better for the seven year old than the five year old but I"m sure it depends on the kid http://www.amazon.com/What-When-You-...4213334&sr=1-4

Thanks for the recommendation, it looks good...I think I will pick it up!

[Ruthla]

I'd focus on teaching him how you DO want him to talk, rather than focusing on what you don't want.

[peacelovingmama]

Thanks so much everyone.

I'm definitely going to check out that book. And pay closer attention to my own modeling. Also, as one poster suggested, I do think he doesn't feel "right" inside when he is like this. I have suspected at times that he is upset and unable to articulate the specific problem so he is just generally more negative. I will focus too on working harder to discover what may be bothering him. He is a sensitive, spirited child and is sometimes very guarded with his feelings.

Thanks for all the good advice and I am open to any other suggestions.

[Roar]

One more idea...tone is everything in this one, you don't want to feel like he's being mocked...

But, it might be good to do a role play of a grumpy person. Let's talk about a fantastic situation - with ice cream and balloons, etc. Let's pretend to be a person "What only six kinds of ice cream and four kinds of sprinkles, that's terrible..." Or, you could have a terrible situation with a sunny person who finds a way to see the best in things. It seems like you could have a good silly time acting this out and in the process introduce words like "negativity" so you have a vocabulary to talk about it in the future. I'm thinking that like whining for a lot of kids he may have no idea how he sounds or how being so negative makes him feel. It may also be good as you model to slip in sometime that it seemed like it was going to be a bad day but you made a decision to try to look at everything in a positive way.