Meal-time battles

[amber913]

DS likes to take a couple bites, run off and play, come back, take a couple bites, run off and play, etc. for an eternity. We'd like him to sit, eat, then play. Is this too much to expect from a 3yo?

We've been telling him he has to sit and finish his meal before he can play, and if he does get down, his food gets thrown away. Inevidably, he gets down, and we warn him to get back into his seat or his food will be tossed. Eventually, we give up, and I throw out his food much later when he's not looking 'cause even if dinner was three hours ago, he still pitches a fit about my throwing out food.

I realize I haven't been consistent, but part of that is my self-doubt. I'm wondering if this is an unrealistic goal for him.

[Katiemare]

My gut reaction (and remember I have food battles of my own right now with my 5.5 yo) is that you might be expecting too much. But, that depends on how much time you expect him to sit, how much food you expect him to eat. If he is still willing to eat, I don't think you should throw out his food. A little tummy & a short attention span require more time for meals.

In a similar situation, we expected ds to sit with us for about 15 minutes, then he could go in the room adjacent to our dinining room to play with something quietly.

What are the expectations for other meals and snacks? Is he used to being on the go the rest of the day? He probably can't understand the importance a sit-down dinner has to his grownups.

As far as a consequence for leaving the table when he shouldn't, I'd be more likely to take the distracting toy away (not the food--that's what he is supposed to have). You could also sit him on a stool that he can't easily get in and out of--that also helped us with that stage. He was stuck there.

Good luck!

[mothragirl]

i would set a more realistic goal and let him eat when he is hungry (even if it is just a few bites an hour).

[amber913]

Thank you for your responses. To answer some questions...we were more casual about breakfast, but lunch was a sit-down meal. Now I've been making breakfast a sit-down meal, too. So I don't think that's the problem. He does sit for about 10 minutes and leaves prolly 'cause he's bored. And that's fine, but then when we're done and try to clear the table, he goes ape-poop. I think I'll give up this battle for now. Thanks!

[Katiemare]

Well, can't you just tell him to choose his battles?

We have a spot where we keep stuff for ds to snack on, he can reach it but the dog and baby can't. Could you let him have a spot for a plate with things to nibble on? The throwing away freakout is normal.

[rachellanigh]

I read somewhere not to force your child to sit at the table and to listen to adult conversations. It kind of makes sense to me because its a sure fire way to make dinner boring for a child. We just let ds1 sit there as long as he likes. He comes and goes as well. Since we've had this policy from the beginning its never been an issue to get him to sit at the table and enjoy the meal with us. Sometimes he never quite makes it and sometimes he does for 20 minutes but he knows that he is welcome to sit at the table on his terms. This way I know when he is ready to sit at the table for an extended period he will do so without pulling from us but of his own accord.

PS..Of course the conversation revolves around the whole family most of the time.

[4Marmalade]

My ds is 5 now and will sit at the table pretty well. He used to get down a lot and we didn't really do too much about it. Now we expect him to sit for a bit but my big thing is manners. He can finish and get down but we are working on excusing himself, cleaning up, etc... Dd is 2-1/2 and we still let her get up and down as much as she likes. Once we are all done eating we clear up all the food, hers included. If she had a problem with this I would just give her the option to clean it up herself. If she wanted it to sit out a bit longer I wouldn't have a problem with it. But I can imagine the freak out if you threw something out. That happened once when we didn't clear it with her and fed it to the dog :

I figure if ds now can sit at the table for 10-15 minutes we can expect that dd will do the same someday. I hope

[MtBikeLover]

My almost 3 year old does the same thing and the only thing we request is that she washes her hands before she goes into the living room. She takes a few bites, decides she is done, gets down, plays a bit, then comes back to eat more. It doesn't bother us in the least. FWIW, my son did the same thing but now sits at the table til he is finished (he is almost 5). He actually sits longer than I can.

Food isn't a battle that I want to fight - we have very few food rules in our house. And I do save her food until I have finished cleaning everything else up. Once I finish cleaning, then I clean her plate. If she is still hungry after that, then she grabs something out of the fridge or pantry that doesn't require cooking.

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by amber913

Is this too much to expect from a 3yo?

yes.

What he's doing is typical & normal...I wouldn't make it a fight, not worth it & you'll likely lose.

[VisionaryMom]

In response to the question of whether it's unrealistic, I don't think it is. Our 2YO sits with us at dinner. Lots of times we're ready to get up from the table, and he's still sitting. He talks, tries to help his sister eat, and eats himself. So it is possible for a 2 or 3 YO to sit, but I think it's something he may have to work up to over time.

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades

In response to the question of whether it's unrealistic, I don't think it is. Our 2YO sits with us at dinner. Lots of times we're ready to get up from the table, and he's still sitting. He talks, tries to help his sister eat, and eats himself. So it is possible for a 2 or 3 YO to sit, but I think it's something he may have to work up to over time.

Just because your child can doesn't mean HERS can. FWIW, my 19 month old can sit for a long meal. So?
It is age appropriate behavior that she is describing.

[Belleweather]

My son could sit for meals from about 12-20 months... Now that he's a bit older, it would literally take duct tape to keep him in his chair. We've taken to serving him mainly foods that can be nibbled on (unless it's a messy favorite like spaghetti or curry) and putting his plate out on his little table so he can eat as he wants. He's a lot neater than I ever thought he would be, and at least he's getting the calories he needs, although I'm not always wild about the nutrition.

[amberskyfire]

Three is quite young to expect him to sit and eat. Maybe he would sit with you guys if he could have a toy or two at the table with him. Having toys at the table is a BIG no-no in my MILs house , but I don't see a problem with it in my own family when they are that young.

[L'lee]

I really like Ellyn Satter's (Child of Mine) philosophy that parents are responsible for presenting healthy choices of foods at meals and snacks, deciding when and where meals and snacks are available, teaching children feeding rituals (appropriate behaviors, based on your own "family culture") and your child is responsible for the quantity of food, choice of food from several healthy alternatives, and whether he/she eats at all, and how his/her body turns out. She is pretty adamant that children know innately how to self regulate and by insisting on controlling how much they eat (finish your plate) or even selecting exactly what (she believes that the phases where they only want to eat X are OK and that if we follow their lead, they will eat what they need at the time and get a well rounded diet over time). If this sounds interesting, you might want to get the book out of the library. I thought she had a lot of good insight. I read it before DS started eating solids. She even has a chapter on toddlers and eating, I think I need to read it again!