How to talk to DH about food/eating issues with DS?

[limabean]

My DH rocks, but he does tend to say stuff to DS about food that I'd rather DS not hear, like, "Eat 3 more bites and then you can be done" and "Sometimes you have to eat stuff you don't like to help your body grow." So, nothing *horrible*, but I'd like to handle food issues differently.

My philosophy, stolen from some author I can't remember the name of, is that it's our job to provide healthy foods and it's DS's job to eat or not eat them. But last night DH mixed canned (yuck!) veggies in with DS's pasta and proceeded to get into the above verbal tug-of-war about whether DS would eat it. I didn't want to undermine DH's parenting in front of DS by saying, "Canned veggies taste disgusting -- I wouldn't eat them either -- let's toss this and use fresh or frozen next time" or "Let's not get into power struggles over eating -- if he's hungry, he'll eat," so I stayed out of it, and DS actually handled it okay -- he did have a few bites and then DH "let" him be done.

We talked about it briefly after DS went to bed, but we've talked about it a little bit before and this still seems to happen from time to time. Last night, DH said, "I know that's not the best thing to say, but I can't think of something better to say in the moment." I totally understand that -- that happens to me all the time! Anyway, sorry for the rambling -- any words of wisdom?

[midwestmeg]

You have a nice DH who is working hard at being a good parent! I am guilty of not stepping back and seeing the forest- I'm always stuck on the darn tree. : My guess is that since you nicely spoke to DH about it, he'll try something different next time. And how awesome of you to stay out of the situation and talk later! We're always trying to work on that one.

We do the 'three more bites' sometimes, but generally I just let the kids graze while I cook (usually leftovers from yesterdays meal), or put just a few tastes in their dishes and ask them to 'give it a taste and tell me what you think.' I do tend to know what they like and put things in front of them that they will enjoy. I'm hoping that by not stressing it, dd will diversify her taste later.

You might try telling DH to ask DS what he doesn't like and why, or do the two choice thing- 'you can have carrots or peas, which would you like?'

GL!

[mamalisa]

We do a lot of the stuff Midwestmeg does. You have to take at least one bite if it's something new. If it's something you don't like, but haven't tried in a while I will suggest trying it-no requirement because tastes do change. I occasionally do the 'two more bites" but that is situational. In a hurry to go play a video game and you're "full"? Two more bites as long as I'm certain he's running game on me

I really work not to push eating issues. My mom had this habit of making my sister eat stuff she didn't want/like and it was always followed up by a 3am bout of vomiting. Mom cared more about being right than kind unfortunately. I make 2 veggies, one that I know most of us will eat and another for ds. For the most part I try to make sure there are 2 things at every meal everyone will eat.

It's funny what your dh said about eating things we don't like to make our bodies grow. My best friend hates veggies, but she makes herself eat broccoli because it's good for her. It's the only one she will eat. She just cracks me up.