Long, drawn out post to follow:
Last Christmas eve, my family was involved in a car accident while traveling for the holidays. My father was driving, my mother and brother were passengers. Single car accident - my mother didn't survive.
Somehow, we all got through Christmas. I traveled to my parents house as soon as I got the news (with my family) and we spent Christmas together. We then spent the next few days in a whirlwind of funeral preparations, mingled with the rest of the world's holiday cheer. It was a strange, surreal situation.
Christmas is coming again. I don't know how to handle it.
My family is all coming to my house, as I'm the only one with a small child. Also, I flat out refused to go to my dad's house for christmas (politely, and with great understanding from everyone) Last year was just so very awful. My mother had been in the middle of all of her holiday preparations, and they had left for a day trip. So when I picked up my brother and father from the hospital and drove them home, there were uncompleted projects throughout the house.
Half finished crafts, that would never be finished. Gifts that would never be wrapped. Cookie recipes and ingrediants strewn on the counter.
A life that had just...stopped.
I can't handle those memories.
My grandparents (who my parents were on their way to see last christmas) my father. But not my brother. He want's to be alone on the anniversary of the accident. Again - I don't know how to handle it.
I'm so lost....I just don't know what to do.
I wish I could just forget about the holiday and focus on the memory of my mother.
I wish I could forget about the accident and focus on the holiday, for my little girl. Every year, I'll be sad, and she won't even remember grandma, much less the accident.
I just don't know how to cope.
On top of all of that, we're flat broke and have literally no money for christmas.
So, I'm having my whole family here, so we can be together, and stressing over how I'm going to afford to have dinner for everyone. Trying to come up with frugal handmade gifts, since I have no money to spend on presents. All while I just want to curl up in a hole somewhere and hide until it's all over.
And it's only November.
Last Christmas eve, my family was involved in a car accident while traveling for the holidays. My father was driving, my mother and brother were passengers. Single car accident - my mother didn't survive.
Somehow, we all got through Christmas. I traveled to my parents house as soon as I got the news (with my family) and we spent Christmas together. We then spent the next few days in a whirlwind of funeral preparations, mingled with the rest of the world's holiday cheer. It was a strange, surreal situation.
Christmas is coming again. I don't know how to handle it.
My family is all coming to my house, as I'm the only one with a small child. Also, I flat out refused to go to my dad's house for christmas (politely, and with great understanding from everyone) Last year was just so very awful. My mother had been in the middle of all of her holiday preparations, and they had left for a day trip. So when I picked up my brother and father from the hospital and drove them home, there were uncompleted projects throughout the house.
Half finished crafts, that would never be finished. Gifts that would never be wrapped. Cookie recipes and ingrediants strewn on the counter.
A life that had just...stopped.
I can't handle those memories.
My grandparents (who my parents were on their way to see last christmas) my father. But not my brother. He want's to be alone on the anniversary of the accident. Again - I don't know how to handle it.
I'm so lost....I just don't know what to do.
I wish I could just forget about the holiday and focus on the memory of my mother.
I wish I could forget about the accident and focus on the holiday, for my little girl. Every year, I'll be sad, and she won't even remember grandma, much less the accident.
I just don't know how to cope.
On top of all of that, we're flat broke and have literally no money for christmas.
So, I'm having my whole family here, so we can be together, and stressing over how I'm going to afford to have dinner for everyone. Trying to come up with frugal handmade gifts, since I have no money to spend on presents. All while I just want to curl up in a hole somewhere and hide until it's all over.
And it's only November.
And we are always here, too....
Other people can share in your burden of carrying on with the holiday...don't feel like because it's at your house, you have to set the tone or carry the weight of expectations. Any my gosh, presents?? Make people some cookies, or frame art scribblings that your daughter makes. Keep it simple...don't let it stress you out. Remember...other people in the family are also probably feeling very anti-cheer...if everyone lets everyone off the hook when it comes to "keeping up holiday appearances," then you can all be more relaxed and real with each other. 
It does help to know that I'm not alone at a very difficult time.
