So many fights in the morning!=vent

[transformed]

Now that ds, 4, started preK-we have so so so many fights in the morning! It could be so many different reasons, but I am too close to the situation to figure out whos fault it is, or why its happening.

I am desperatly trying to get him to dress himself. I just need him to. Its within his abilitys and I just don't want to dress him all the time anymore! (I am trying really hard to transition into 'mom of 3' before I get shocked into it. I dont want to feel like I do now, like I am always neglecting someone. Thats what I feel like! because I try so hard to respect all their needs but I cant always be in action about it.)

Besides that, there is always a fight. At least one. Every single morning. And I dont want to send him off like that, yet I can't figure out how to end them! (Dh isnt here every morning but its always the same...fight....every morning.)

This is really hard.

So Instead of fighting my way through the grocery store with my 2 year old (who HATES sitting in the cart) I just came home for ssome chilli and coffee. The store can wait. I am feeling so guilty.:

This morning I gave him a big hug a couple of times and said "I am sorry we had a fight this morning, I love you."

I hate fighting. It sucks.

I am going to try to set us up for making some soup together this afternoon but thats hard with a 2 yr old also. She just dumps everything out! LOL. Thats an entirely different post. "How to make recepies without your 2 yr old dumping out all the ingredients while 7 months pregnant and not very fast?"

[socialworkmamma]

Just wanted to send hugs and say I've been there. Four is a hard age. So much depends on your child's temperment, but for us something that has helped is setting a timer. My DD needed some chill time. We would have her get up and potty and then we would let her relax for 10 or so minutes. Sometimes she would watch PBS, sometimes just lay on the couch. When the timer would go off, we would say, okay,it's time to put on your clothes. For some reason it's not as much fun to argue with the timer. The other thing is we would usually warm her clothes up in the dryer or by ironing them. If she did not put them on when they were warm, well she missed out.This is not something you could do at your stage of pregnancy and with a 2-year old, but if your husband's schedule would allow, we've also gone with natural consequences, meaning the timer went off, clothes were not put on, and so DD was carried to the car how she was dressed. When we got to school she would put her clothes on in the van. For us this only had to happen twice. It was just done in a very matter of fact way, not as a humiliating or punitive thing. Each child is different, so good luck in your journey of trying to figure out what works. Morning fights sure do suck!

[transformed]

Thank you!

Timers arent a positive thing around here-my ds doesnt like to be under pressure and the timer really makes him feel "pressure."

[twopinknoblue]

We went through the before school fighting phase recently too. I know how you are feeling, it's terrible to send your little one off to school after spending the entire morning battling......I was sick to my stomach after leaving DD at school many, many days.

Like the PP, we have learned that it's all about not rushing, and allowing for plenty of "chill" time. DD and I kind of recognized this together and came to an agreement, that she would start going to bed 30 minute early, to allow for her to get up 30 minutes earlier and have time to lay around and chill before being thrown into the morning rush. So, now we get up and potty, lay around and chill until breakfast is ready, lay around and chill again until it's time to get dressed, then we get dressed and head out the door.

I wish I could help you on the getting dressed alone thing, but honestly I don't know how. I've been fighting my DD about this for nearly a year now......well, lo and behold, I went out of town last weekend and left the girls with DH. When I came back, DD's been dressing and undressing herself all week!! I don't know what DH did or said to get her to do it, because he won't give up his secret, but she's doing it so I don't question

[newmommy]

Originally Posted by transformed

This is really hard.

It sure is.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Here are some things that worked here when we needed both of our kids to start getting dressed on their own:

* Realize that "getting dressed" is a big task for a preschooler and may be overwhelming. Sort of like "clean your room". So, as he is learning, break it down into smaller steps and direct each step. Eg. "Hey X, can you take off your PJS? Great, now toss them into the hamper. Great, now how about your undies..." and so forth. At first it will take time but they will get it eventually and then you can step back.

* Until DS was too old, we had a family dressig party each day when we all got dressed together. Allowed us all to do what was needed and help the kids at the same time. Plus it was fun family together time.

* If the battle is picking clothes, try to do it the night before. Somehow that is less stressful.

* Maybe change the order of the morning? We all get dressed last before we walk out the door -- it avoids spills and can be "speed dressing" if we are running late.

* Make sure clothes are easy to actually do and that he likes them. Its much easier to get my DD into her favorite dress than into a pair of jeans she hates, YK?

* The reward for getting ready quickly in the morning is TV or computer time until we are all ready to walk out the door. Not everyone would use that reward, but try to find something nice that he can do after he is all ready as a motivation.