My overdramatic dh

[candyapplez]

So I've been sleeping with a small desk lamp on so I can feed Bryce easier. My dh hates this as he says he can't sleep with any lights. Nevermind the countless number of nights I have to go to sleep with the tv on b/c he's watching it.

He asked how I felt about him sleeping in the guest room. I didn't answer. We're co-sleeping not mom sleeping and I don't want to get in the habit of that. A few minutes later he picked up his pillows and stormed into our master bath to sleep on the floor: He told me to knock if I needed to use it. (wouldn't that wake him up and defeat the purpose of the bathroom?)

I didn't say anything, I knew he was looking for a reaction. Bryce started crying a little later so I left the room hoping not to wake dh in the bathroom and turned out the light. I figured he'd come out of the bathroom. He didn't.

However, he did come out sometime before 6. When he woke up he told me I could have come and told him I turned out the light. Yeah like I'd give him that satisfaction.:

Bryce and I didn't sleep well, as I couldn't see him, I think I probably woke him up a few times to nurse when he just needed his head stroked.

I know DH has to work that's why I don't make him get up to do changes from 11-6 but I go back to work in 3 weeks too, and I'll need sleep After all I'll still be getting up 3 times a night for an hour a piece. Plus I have Bryce from 11pm to 5 pm 3 weekdays and 11pm-9pm 2 weekdays. Am I being ridiculace in thinking he can sacrifice a few minutes of sleep?

[astrophe27]

My dh hates this as he says he can't sleep with any lights.

If the problem is the light -- what about a sleep mask?

We're co-sleeping not mom sleeping and I don't want to get in the habit of that.

Actually, I found it easier to sleep with baby in her room than deal with sleeping in our room with DH.

I know it can be challenging to find the happy medium -- keep trying!

GL!

A.

[firstkid4me]

We inflated the aerobed in our guest room so that dh can go into it whenever Lana starts to get loud in her sleep (she's a noisy sleeper, grunts and groans a lot.) Everyone needs their sleep and I don't think it's awful or defeats the purpose of cosleeping if dad isn't there.

[attachedmamaof3]

We all co-sleep here and like you I would be hurt if DP threw a fit and decided he wasn't sleeping with me/us.

We do have occasional bad nights where I tell him he might get more sleep on the couch or whatever, and that I won't feel bad if he has to go out there..but making a habit of it? No. I wouldn't like that at all.

[transformed]

my dh cant co-sleep. I feel like co-sleeping is only a good choice if it works for everyone.

We coslept with ds for....well, he is 4 and still sneaks in our bed. Dh hates it cause he doesnt get good sleep.

My dd, 2, is a terrible co-sleeper so she stays in her crib.

Its weird playing musical beds-but find something that works for everyone!

[earthmama369]

Not in your DDC, but dh and I have clashed a few times over sleep. The one thing I found that helped the most was to discuss it sometime during the day, because in the midst of our sleep times, we both get really cranky. Of course, I'm always right and reasonable about what needs to be done. : And I'm sure he feels that way, too.

But I've noticed that he will snap at me in a way he would NEVER do when he's really awake. It really hurt my feelings the first few times. Now I laugh at him and tell him to take a chill pill. I know he's not really awake when he does that. Usually he doesn't even remember either of us being awake or talking at all.

When we need to rebalance our sleep arrangements, we talk about it in the morning after we've been awake for a while or over dinner. I outline the hours of sleep I'm getting a night, how they're broken up (because if I'm not getting in a solid 4-hour block, I'm not hitting the REM stage when your brain actually rests and renews itself), how long I'm staying up each time, and how many calories I'm putting out over the course of the night. I really go into detail and break out the numbers because most of the time, he really doesn't know how little sleep I'm getting. I'm very clear about what I need, I acknowledge the contributions he's making to our family and that he needs sleep to function too, remind him that I need to be awake enough during the day to keep our children safe -- a VERY important job!! -- and propose something with an alternating pattern, so we both feel like we're getting some semblance of sleep at least half the time.

[erica990]

Saying hi from your neighboring DDC. If he can't do a sleep mask, maybe the guest room wouldn't be so bad--maybe he will be a lot more useful to you the next day if he is well rested--but on the condition has to come back when you start back at work. Babies change so fast. In a few weeks, you will probably be such a pro at nursing that you won't need the light on at all, and you may be able to sleep through much of the night nursing.

[cheeseRjedi]

Not in your DDC either but this was a problem for us too when DD was teeny tiny. I told DH that until he was going to breastfeed and change diapers at night then he'd have to learn to live with it. Probably not what he wanted to hear, but he learned to live with it and usually just faced the other way. It really turned out to not be too big of a deal and he got used to it pretty quickly.

[jrayn]

I am scared when it is dark.... (strange paranoid issues about being murdered or something along those lines) So I have to have a lamp in the room, but I also can't sleep w/ it too light, if he will not do a sleep mask, maybe if you put a dark colored shade over the light to make it darker, this is what I do, I actually have 2 robes that I use, one is a magenta one, I use that when my dd1 goes to sleep, so that I can still read, the second one is the green one that I put on when I go to sleep, I leave a hint of the magenta aimed in my direction, out so that I can still see, but it is still dark enough that it doesn't prevent me from getting good sleep.
It creates a very relaxing ambience b/c of the colors as well
Also, I use the low wattage energy saver bulbs so it isn't much heat, no fire risks...

[marlygf]

I'm sorry you're having these issues. It sucks to fight about stuff.
There have been a lot of good suggestions. I thought I'd throw out what I do. I keep a flashlight near the bed and turn it on before she starts nursing. I will either turn it off until I switch sides or just leave it on until I'm all done. We haven't quite perfected it yet so I can't do it in the dark or lying down very well yet.

[candyapplez]

Thanks everyone. i went to target and bought a tap light and a sleep mask. we'll see if it works.

I just know someone i used to work for that co slept her husbsnd didn't they actualy paid me to bring their son to my house so they could dtd.

I don't think i'd be as upset if he had gone to the bedroom, but it was like he was trying to stick it to me by sleeping on the bathroom floor. kwim

[gottaknit]

I'd just let him sleep in the guest room. It's not exactly uncommon among cosleeping families. My DH has spent the better part of the last three years in a guest room or on a sofa. Whatever gets everyone the sleep they need!

I think in most cosleeping cultures (where it is the norm), mom and kids sleep together and dad sleeps separately. Same for all the other mammals of the world. There must be a reason.

[Dena]

Wow, that sounds like something my dh might pull. I guess some guys just don't deal with change well, and dramatic gestures seem to be the result.

Hopefully the tap light and sleep mask will help. I totally understand why you were frustrated with the bathroom floor sleepover. I would have been too. Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh or cry when at my dh!

And yeah, trying to discuss anything in the middle of the night is a surefire way to a fight, as a pp mentioned.

[cherubess]

no advice here but just

You weren't joking when you said that your DH was being overdramatic.
Hopefully soon enough you will look back and laugh at him sleeping in the bathroom.

[firstkid4me]

OH! I just thought of something! IKEA has these lights that you can screw to the wall (or you can use sticky tack or something like that) and just push on it when you need it to light up. I know Walmart has some cheap ones too. Maybe you could use something like that, screwed on your side of the bed so that you can touch the light when you need it and dh can still get sleep. (We use a night light in our bathroom that is bright enough, but you could always do a night light on your side of the bed too!)

[candyapplez]

the tap light i got didn't work=( I only had it on when nursing 3 times and the batteries were dead before the 3rd time. I'll have to get one of those lights.

[roostery]

We have a dimmer light over the bed that I used for my first daughter but I've been just using a night light with this baby that I leave on all night.

I did evict DH and DD1, they're both in DDs room while the LO and I are in the king sized bed together. I'm hoping that we'll all be back together in a couple of months. I know at least two families where the DH has been off in a bed by himself for a couple of years.

My DH is the opposite of yours, he can sleep through anything. With DD1 (who was a very light sleeper, waking to nurse every one to two hours for years) DH would wake up every morning, saying "that was a great night, wasn't it?" Meanwhile I would have woken up 5-6 times that night to nurse the baby back to sleep.

[Dena]

Originally Posted by roostery

My DH is the opposite of yours, he can sleep through anything. With DD1 (who was a very light sleeper, waking to nurse every one to two hours for years) DH would wake up every morning, saying "that was a great night, wasn't it?" Meanwhile I would have woken up 5-6 times that night to nurse the baby back to sleep.

Sounds familiar. Dh was always wondering why I was so tired, and looked very surprised when I explained that Sofia was up every hour to nurse. And this after insisting that he didn't sleep through nursings. Well, unless he snores when he is awake, I have news for him...

[tonimk19]

DH can't sleep with the lights on either but he's changed his tune once we brought home dd. I leave the hall light on so I can BF during the night (we co-sleep) without turning on any bright overhead lights. Only twice has dh gone to the living room to sleep on the couch but that's because dd was crying because of gas and he had to work the next day.

It takes some getting used to but it's worth the benefit. Hopefully your dh will come around...

[kleines]

I leave our closet or bathroom light on and crack the door. It gives me enough light to see, and doesn't keep anyone awake. DH is funny about cosleeping though (sleeps like a rock). He works or studies at night until pretty late most of the time so the babe is in bed with me until he gets home. After that he is in a bassinet by the bed with my hand in there with him! I am thinking of getting a bed rail thingy so the baby can sleep by me and not dh.

I would laugh at him if he went in the bathroom to sleep. geesh!