I love the "DoulaSarah approach"!!
I really struggled with this very issue about 10 months ago. I decided not to work with people who are planning on circumcising. It was a hard decision, but ultimately very easy. There is no one way to approach it. I have tried talking about right away in the first interview, to waiting until I was hired. I wouldn't recommend waiting until you are hired. I have only done that once and it was very hard to back out. They were Buddist too!! I thought, hmmm...I'll work with them. And then they said they were circ'ing. I actually have the e-mail that I sent them before we went our seperate ways. I am sending it in full so that you know how I approach things. I have changed the names.
Hi Tammy! I haven't decided on a back-up doula. I would love it, if you and your husband would do that. It is always better when you know the person that "could" be there. Although I don't use back up often...hopefully not again! it is really nice when it is someone that you are comfortable with. If you want, I can also ask someone to do back-up for me. It is your call. Tuesday will work well for me. How about 6:30-7:00pm? I will need you address and directions. I didn't know that you had all of that scary preterm labor. I hope that is all over and done with. As far as birth books go, you sound like you have found a lot of really good ones. Some other really good ones are, any of the Sears library...the Baby Book, the Pregnancy Book, the Breastfeeding Book, the Attachment Parenting Book, The Birth Partner is a good one too. And Misconceptions, by Naomi Wolf.
I do have to say that all of the families that I work with don't circumcise, and I have tried to go about "feeling" out familes, (that sounds all wrong!). I am wondering if we could talk more about your decision to do it. The last thing that I want to do is offend you in any way, so I will try not to!! I guess that I am used to families seeing the facts that are out there and not circumcising. I wasn't sure if it had something to do with your religion and I looked up more information on the internet, and I did find the following statement...
"There is a major world religion which places a positive value on being physically whole and intact. It is Buddhism. Buddhist scripture lists 32 signs of a Holy Buddha, Enlightened One. The tenth reads, "His privates are sheathed." Some translations say, "His male organ is fully retractable" or "well retracted."Buddhism consistently emphasizes compassion and asks followers to practice harmlessness and to avoid extremes of asceticism or self mortification. From this it is clear the early recorders of Buddhist teachings knew about the cruel rite of circumcision and wanted to emphasize that it must never be inflicted on one who would become a Buddha. This means everyone, because in Buddhism the opportunity to become a Buddha is open to every living being who chooses to follow the eight-fold path to enlightenment.A man circumcised near birth is deprived of his freedom to choose, should he desire to fully enter into the way of Buddhism. A man who is intact, on the other hand, is still completely free to choose for himself to be circumcised if he wants to join or to confirm faith as a Jew or a Muslim."
I am confused and would like to talk more about this, if it is ok with you and your husband. I am not trying to change your mind, only to understand your decisions so that I may be able to support you fully. I feel that I should apoligize for not explaining my views before hand. I believe SO fully in natural childbirth. One of the reasons I do, is because of the negative effects that medications and interventions have on our newborn babies. I carry that belief throughout the birth process and it doesn't end when your son is in your arms. In the same way I believe in the process of giving birth, I believe that our sons should be left alone in their natural state.
That is my e-mail to her. I DO have to say that nine times out of ten, families change their minds. My favorite thing to here is "Oh, we know it's a girl!"
I use this line a lot when I get "I want him to look like me"
Oh, it must be very important to you that you look like YOUR father.
Which of course, it isn't. I give out the Case Against Circumcision, some nocirc pamplets, and a bunch of other articles. If I am contacted over the internet, I give out websites. I also have a couple of copies of What your doctor may not tell you about circumcision. And Docs re-examine circ. Which are always loaned out! That is a great thing to send to someone in the beginning. All of the info and two really good books. You could also put in a circ video, although I don't, it is because I don't have one yet. I haven't needed yet. I always offer to show them one though.
I have to say that I have helped to save at least ten foreskins. And have lost one and one turned out to be a girl. (I didn't doula for her, although a friend did)
I have some doula friends that say if I don't work with them, then they are for sure going to, but I always try my hardest, I can't go that far. I did end up not working with someone who had their first circ'd and were planning on doing it to #2. But I talked with them, they hired someone else, and they left the hospital with an intact son!!
Sorry this is soooo long!