I dont know what to do....

[davidsmama]

My son is 20 months old and he is constantly hitting (hard) myself our dog and anyone within arms reach when he feels the urge! My first reaction is to slap his hand.... it doesn't work and I am very upset to see how much he doesn't understand why I just hurt him.

I am begging for some suggestions on how to approach him and how to best handle myself. How do you catch yourself before making the mistake that I have made one too many times

I grew up in a family where the paddle and spoon where very present. I don't want to follow in those footsteps and neither does my dh.

I am at wits end...

[rhemp]

My first reaction is usually physical too. But you're right. Hitting him to stop him from hitting is not going to work. My ds is about a month younger than yours and we've experienced some of the hitting blues ourselves. Some suggestions that have worked well for us are:
Grab offending hand and use it to stroke gently while saying CALMLY gentle touch please.
When the dog (in our case the cat) gets pummeled, rush to the animal and comfort it essentially ignoring the child for a few seconds. Basically react to the animals dismay and not the childs behavior.
Remind, remind, remind. Toddlers are very "in the moment" creatures. He is very likely forgetting that he isn't supposed to do behavior x y or z while in the middle of doing it.
Give him something he CAN hit. Our favorite is a high five. Whenever ds gets too "hitty" I redirect him to hitting appropriate objects, i.e. pillow, slap hands, throw ball, etc.
Last but not least, I am finally understanding the direct correlation between ds wanting some undivided attention and him acting out. I know from my childhood that it didn't matter if the attention I was getting was negative as long as I was getting attention.

I grew up in a family where the paddle and spoon where very present.

Me too. No one can break the cycle but you. It's really hard sometimes when your gut instict is to hit. The more you practice other reactions, the easier they become.

[Leonor]

Hi davidsmama,

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with your son

I wonder if you already tried to say "it hurts" firmly but gently and that you don't like it.

Also, try to find out why is he hitting? He's he angry for some reason? Experimenting? Frustrated? Wanting attention?

I've found advice on the Natural Child Project website that might help:
http://www.naturalchild.org/advice/q32.html

[LunaMom]

Davidsmama, it is wonderful that you are looking to end the pattern of physical punishment in your family.

At 20 months, your son probably needs more positive reinforcement for "good touching" rather than negative consequences for hitting. Try putting some effort into teaching him how to touch gently. Stroke his face and say, "soft touching," and then invite him to do the same to you. Repeat this with the dog, your husnband, and so on. Then, when he does hit, catch his hand and say, "Soft touching only!" Make sure to give him lots of positive recognition (verbal praise, hugs, etc.) when he does touch gently without being reminded.

Don't expect it to change overnight, but this should probably help a great deal. I've always found that showing children what they SHOULD do and praising them for it works a million times better than reprimanding them for what they shouldn't do.

Good luck!