Processing fears...

[wwisdomskr]

Now that I'm more pregnant than I've ever been before...

Why do I feel so good? Shouldn't I be totally uncomfortable?

I'm feeling scared, though...

I'm scared of giving birth again...even though I've done it "successfully" twice before. I wonder what this birth is going to ask of me. I'm fearful of another fast, furious and overwhelming labor. I want my cervix to slowly melt away over hours instead of minutes. I want to birth with gentle, peaceful ease.

I'm scared the baby will flip breech again. I want him to stay head down and rotate anterior.

I'm scared of tearing again and the past trauma that healing from tears brings up for me.

I'm scared of that raw, vulnerable state of postpartum. I'm scared of getting depressed and suicidal again. I want to feel like a powerful lioness. I want to avoid depression. I want my fish oil and placenta capsules to help me skip that entire experience this time.

I'm scared of not being able to ensure that all of my children feel loved, treasured and cherished as I learn how to integrate another baby into our family.

I'm scared of not being able to get out of the house anymore.

I'm scared of losing myself in diapers and breastmilk and sleep deprivation.

I'm scared of pushing my dh away and fighting with him because I'm so overwhelmed.

I'm scared that we won't have a name for this child!

[marisa]

I don't have any fears so much about the birth itself, but definitely worried about integrating another helpless little human into our family. We are sooo overwhelmed as it is with three under 6. I can't imagine myself being able to leave the house for a long time. My house is a disaster and I know I'll get down if we can't manage to keep it up and I have to be at home all day surrounded by chaos.

[Grace24]

I think it's normal to feel all these things...

I'm getting nervous about labor, just cuz I've never done it before! How do I know what to expect, for me?

Nervous about the sleep deprivation...

Also, nervous that the constant good mood I've had since I got pregnant will disappear. I had worked through my former mood swings/ history of depression before getting pregnant but still, I've never felt so good so consistently so I'm worried I'll get the post-baby blues too.

But I'm told it's normal to feel this way right before giving birth, so to all of us who are feeling scared!

[GinaRae]

I have a couple of fears, but am mostly zenful. Or maybe just blissfully ignorant! I am not giving in to most of the fears at all. Something springs to mind here and there but i am usually able to push it down again and just wait and see what happens.

[aylaanne]

I'm 41w2d and I'm still in a pretty good mood. Sure, I'm more uncomfortable than I was four weeks ago, but I *feel* good, kwim? I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling good late in pregnancy.

I want to specifically address your fears about PPD, though. This is my first baby, but I have a long history of depression in my own life, and there's lots of depression (Including PPD) in my mother's family. For that reason, I made an appointment with a mental health professional at 37 weeks. At my practice, I did two intake appointments, where we went over my history and what I was afraid of in the future. I've been "assigned" to a therapist, who I have so far only met on the phone, but she sounds (so far) like a good match for me.

Right now, I feel great. I sound great. But I've been deep, dark depressed before, and I never, ever want to be there again. All of my loved ones are helping me by watching for signs that I might be depressed again, and now I have this professional that I'm connected to, who knows exactly what questions to ask to help determine if my hormones are getting the best of me.

Medication may or may not be in my future. For my sake, my marriage's sake, and the sake of my child, I'm not ruling it out as an option.

I don't know if this might be a route you want to take, but I wanted to let you know that I'm scared of it, too.

[GinaRae]

I have a hx of depression from 15 years old and up, plus PPD that was close to post partum psychosis after DS1. So I am also worried something COULD happen. This is the first child I have born in low light levels and that worries me since seasons affect me. I have talked with my hubby about encouraging something herbal and homeopathic right away (after birth) to combat any depression that might sneak up. and to just basically watch me for signs.

[Curlita]

I'm afraid of feeling afraid... of feeling scared and anxious during labor instead of strong and empowered.

I'm afraid of the pain of the contractions as I remember them from last time.

I'm afraid NOT that I will NEED another C-section, but that I will end up WANTING another C-section.

I'm afraid that some breakdown in all my careful logistical arrangements will result in some SNAFU when it comes to getting my mom and sister here, Dylan to appropriate care, the birth pool to the hospital, etc.

I'm afraid of the strain that managing two children will cause on all our household relationships.

Now... is there a magic button that we push to make all the fears in this thread evaporate?

[Kontessa]

I fear not being super mama and showing pain in front of DD.

I fear how much some of the women wanting to come might think less of me as they always think I am so strong and amazing.

I fear calling everyone to come for false labor again.

I fear false painful labor for hours again.

I fear I might lose myself in the birth and not connect with baby.

I fear getting PPD and no one here to notice.

I fear not being my happy strong self by the time hubby gets home.

I fear with only me and all those sleeples nights when I need help, no one will be able to help me.

~~~~~~~~~

I fear baby will be a girl and I will go on a online shopping spree with holiday savings! LOL

[wwisdomskr]

Feeling a little more at ease now...

Dh and I went on a date last night and had fun! I think tomorrow may be our day...

Just typing out these fears has helped to dissipate them a bit. I hope that all of you have also had a similar response.