GD tricks for smooth bedtime routines

[z-girl]

No matter how early we start, getting DD (26 months old) ready for bed seems to take forever lately and it's no fun for anyone. All we need to do is wash hands and face, brush teeth, and change into new dipaer and pajamas. She used to do all of this so willingly, and now sometimes it goes ok and she's game, but often it can drag on for an hour of procrastinating or crying. Tonight I eventually put the diaper on her against her wishes, but it had just gone on too long, and for the first time, she didn't just rip it off. I feel exhausted, and am starting to feel like I can't do anything right with her discipline-wise these days. Ok, to be fair, the middle of the day is great, but getting up and dressed and then getting undressed and ready for bed and so so traumatic for all of us. I feel desparate!

[Embee]

Hm? This is a tough one on parents... a routine that always worked well in the past is all of a sudden not so pleasing to the ever changing toddler. I've found over and over that when they change, I usually need to change something about the way I'm doing things as well.

It sounds as if your DD is trying to get some more control of her world--totally natural, and normal. Perhaps you and DD could discuss the bedtime routine, include her ideas on how you all could change it a bit to make it more comfortable for everyone. Maybe just a different order of events. Once she's a part of what needs to be done, she may be more ammenable to "her" new routine.

Aside from that, maybe your trying to tackle too much right before bed. It doesn't *seem* like a lot but maybe for her, it is. I have to admit that at age 36, at the end of a long day, I usually have to drag myself to the bathroom to brush, and wash up. Truth be told, some nights when I'm too exausted to cope, I skip it altogether. I tend to space out DS's bedtime routine. We wash hands and face right after dinner and be done with it. Sometime thereafter (oh, an hour or so before bedtime) we change and put on jammies (because jammies are sooooo comfy to play in!). Then he's free to play until a story from daddy, teeth brushing and bedtime... this is our official family time.

I find spacing it out like this is less daunting for me personally. It works for DS as well and because putting on jammies doesn't automatically mean going to bed, he rarely fights it.

I hope there is something in there that helps. As far as the morning routine goes, we've delt with that some here as well. I tend to just go with it. If he doesn't want to get dressed, we don't go out... I know this isn't always work for some though, if you HAVE to be somewhere that is. Our schedule is very flexible however and if he wants to run around nude all morning, I let him... usually he's ready to go somewhere at sometime and when he is, we dress.

Best of luck.

[2much2luv]

Maybe she is ready for a bit later bedtime. :
I know i have gone through so many difficulties with bedtime with my little ones that we have basically given up any real routine and we all sleep when we are tired.
I am not suggesting that for you, but perhaps she is just not tired as early as she used to be? Maybe try starting bedtime half an hour to an hour later. Or cut out a daytime nap.
Good luck.

[z-girl]

Thanks Embee and 2Much. Bedtime routine was easy tonight (planets were aligned correctly). Embee, you're right- it's near impossible to do once she's tired. We did it all at 8:00 when she was happy and playful, though real bedtime isn't until after 10 these days (we're in that awkward transition where she needs a daytime nap, but stays up late if she has it, and, honestly, stays up almost as late, and very unpleasantly, if she doesn't have it). I thought about making a chart with her of all of the things we do (wash hands, wash face, brush teeth, new diaper, and pajamas) and still might, but maybe tonight is the beginning of a new trend. Hmmm, come to think of it, getting dressed for the day today was easy too. I'm not counting my chickens yet by any means!!!

[Embee]

Zgirl, Hope things are on the upswing.

Indeed, we're there too as far as the nap does well incur a late bedtime. It drives me a little bats at times because overall, he does better with a nap. However, he will go to sleep super early if he skips the nap. The trick for me there though is to get him to bed before he gets overtired and wound up--I have a real winder upper on my hands! "D

Best of luck!

[z-girl]

No nap today (ok, 10 min in the car) so I'll heed your warning, Embee, and get her ready for bed, ASAP! The evil evening fairy comes quickly on no-nap days!

[Embee]

Oh yeah, I know that little "fairy" all too well... when DS starts losing it because he's having a little trouble picking up his dinner morsels with his fork, I know the fairy has arrived. Best of luck!

[z-girl]

Thanks, Embee. DD slept a sound 12 hours last night- yahoo! So we tried the no nap thing again. It's almost "new" bedtime now and she really hasn't been too tired or fussy today. It will be an adjustment to not have naptime. I've only had a few free minutes today, but some free time at night with DH will be nice. PJs are on, so I feel like we're 95% there!


I really appreciate all of the great support here. It's been a rough last few weeks but I feel like we're emerging from the deep pit of despair!

[z-girl]

Woo Hoo! Thanks for all of the great insight. Bedtime routines have been so much easier the last few days. We don't cajole. We just say that it's time. No choices for pajamas. It's been quick and easy and painless. I'm soooo grateful- thanks y'all!!!

[Embee]

Z-girl, sounds like things are looking up at your place.

[Heavenly]

One thing that has helped my 32 month old a lot was my husbands idea to say good night to everything in his room. This is always the last thing we do and he knows it signals light outs, no argument. his room is decorated in veggie tales and he has a big poster on his door so we say good night to all the characters, then goodnight to some other items, then good night thermostat (it is so cute hearing a 2.5 year old say thermostat!), then good night light. Once we say good night light the light is turned off (and a cover put over it because if we don't block it he will get up and play in the middle of the night!) and he goes in his bed. We stay with him for a bit, give him his teddy bear and special blanket and then lay down with him for about 5-10 minutes then sit at the end of the bed for 5-10 minutes and then go. He does very well now!

[z-girl]

Here we are a few weeks later and bedtime is smooth as buttah! Thanks for all of the support. I just wanted to follow up with some things that worked for us:

* We eliminated naps. She was fighting bedtime because she wasn't tired.

* We leave plenty of time and have something appealing planned for after we get ready for bed.

* Before she gets tired or frustrated with hands/teeth/pjs, we pick out 3 books to read at bedtime. After we get the books, then we do bathrook stuff and change. She was jumping out of bed to get new books and change her mind (when she's overtired, no choice works for her and it was a mess). Now she knows that we read those 3 books and don't get out of bed for new books, for snacks or water (we offer those before bed), or anything else. It still has to be timed just right, but she usualy falls asleep during the first book. It used to take 45 min of reading!!!

* Mommy picks diaper and pjs, and we talk about fun stuff while getting dressed. She doesn't fight it at all.

* What used to take over an hour and lotd of tears is quick and tantrum-less now. Thanks for the support!

PS- mornings (shower, getting dressed, etc) are now a piece of cake too! This too did pass!

Thanks for the support!!!

[Embee]

Z-girl,

I'm so glad things have really improved for you! What a relief a smooth bedtime routine can be... for everyone!

Great news!

Em