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What if you were uncomfortable with..

post #1 of 248
Thread Starter 
I met a new family last night, and I am uncomfortable with the relationship between the ten year old girl and her Step Dad.

They are renting a house on our block. The parents got married in July of this year, but they have been together for three years.

We all hang out in the street at night, so the kids can play, and the parents can.. well, play too.

We met the new neighbors and practically dragged them out to sit in the street with us. We had lawn chairs, drinks, a fire pit.. the whole street party thing. They seemed nice, and the little girl fits in age wise with three of the other girls on the block.

But, the Step dad never let her go. Litterally. He touched and kissed her the whole evening. It was so creepy.

He had her back to his front, and kept his hands on her chest the whole night. He rubbed her stomach, and he kissed her roughly on top of the head about six times. When they sat on a bench, he pulled her in really close, and had both arms wrapped around her. She watched the kids playing, but never attempted to break free from the step dad. She didn't look comfortable either though. She didn't look scared, just like she would rather be sitting normal, or off playing.

The Mom didn't seem bothered by it at all. But, the other moms and a few of the dads were bothered by it.

The other ten year old asked her to come play, She said "Can I?" and the step dad, said, "Why don't you just sit with me for a while". After about an hour and a half, they left to go inside.

Mostly, it just felt "wrong" to me. I just got a bad vibe from them.

What can/should I do? One of the moms is a teacher at the school she should be going to, but she is going to finish the year at her old school. Maybe the teacher mom can look into this at her school?
post #2 of 248
Wow...that is really weird. I can totally see why you would be uncomfortable in that situation.

I really do not know how you would proceed in this situation, since I think you would need more than "icky feeling" to call CPS on.

God, I really don't know. I think the only thing you really can do is keep a watchful eye on it, and have the teacher-mom keep a watch too, but on the other hand I would hate for that poor child to be in that situation for one more minute if she is being abused.

That poor girl.

I hope she opens up to someone soon.
post #3 of 248
I'd mind my own business unless I knew more concretely that something was going on.
post #4 of 248
i would trust your instincts and keep an eye on them.
post #5 of 248
Just reading that gave me the creeps. I don't know what I'd do.
post #6 of 248
I would try to find a child abuse or sexual abuse hotline and call them and ask them for advice based on what you saw. I would be inclined to call CPS, but I think you need to get expert advice. I think there is an organization for child sex abuse but I can't remember the name of it.

Thank you for looking out for your young neighbor.
post #7 of 248
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
The other ten year old asked her to come play, She said "Can I?" and the step dad, said, "Why don't you just sit with me for a while".
The whole thing creeps me out, but this part does most of all. So possesive of the poor little girl. I'd definately keep an eye on them. :
post #8 of 248
Quote:
Originally Posted by KBecks View Post
I would try to find a child abuse or sexual abuse hotline and call them and ask them for advice based on what you saw. I would be inclined to call CPS, but I think you need to get expert advice. I think there is an organization for child sex abuse but I can't remember the name of it.

Thank you for looking out for your young neighbor.


That's a good idea. Yeah, you probably can't call CPS based on a "creepy feeling" but ignoring it is not a good idea either. How weird.
post #9 of 248
My gut instinct immediately said that there may be some special need there that might not be obvious to you, but makes peer interaction difficult. I've seen parents of spectrum kids that tend to hold their kids back in similar ways, because they are afraid of meltdowns, especially in unfamiliar situations.
post #10 of 248
Hm. That is a really tough situation. However, what you are describing sounds VERY unusual and definitely creepy. My neighbor has a nearly ten year old daughter, and I rarely every see her sitting in his lap, or sitting at all, for that matter. I was always running around and playing when I was ten. It just seems very "off". I mean, I guess things could possibly be misconstruted as inappropriate, but...ick.
post #11 of 248
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mmace View Post
My gut instinct immediately said that there may be some special need there that might not be obvious to you, but makes peer interaction difficult. I've seen parents of spectrum kids that tend to hold their kids back in similar ways, because they are afraid of meltdowns, especially in unfamiliar situations.

I thought that too. Since this is the first time we met them, it is possible.

I still just couldn't shake the sick feeling though. Ive never had those thoughts before. I even came home and wondered if maybe he reminded me of someone creepy in my childhood and perhaps I was projecting an experience on this guy.
post #12 of 248
Thread Starter 
O.K, small update.

The other ten year olds on the street. (who have no idea we think Step dad is a creep) are going to invite the new girl out to play. If they continue to keep her from socializing, the teacher mom is going to speak to the counselor at her school. She wont do it right away, since we are all strangers, I don't expect the parents to just send her out the door in a new neighborhood the first time she is invited.

So, far, that is all anybody wants to do about this. I'm fine with that. How does that sound?
post #13 of 248
Quote:
Originally Posted by KBecks View Post
I would try to find a child abuse or sexual abuse hotline and call them and ask them for advice based on what you saw. I would be inclined to call CPS, but I think you need to get expert advice. I think there is an organization for child sex abuse but I can't remember the name of it.

Thank you for looking out for your young neighbor.
This is good advice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by harleyhalfmoon View Post
The whole thing creeps me out, but this part does most of all. So possesive of the poor little girl. I'd definately keep an eye on them. :
Yes, this is creepy. Being possessive and overbearing throws up red flags to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mmace View Post
My gut instinct immediately said that there may be some special need there that might not be obvious to you, but makes peer interaction difficult. I've seen parents of spectrum kids that tend to hold their kids back in similar ways, because they are afraid of meltdowns, especially in unfamiliar situations.
I would agree if it were the biological parent, but it is weird that it is the step-dad.

It seems really off to me and I would really keep an eye on it.
post #14 of 248
Quote:
Originally Posted by angelpie545 View Post
Hm. That is a really tough situation. However, what you are describing sounds VERY unusual and definitely creepy. My neighbor has a nearly ten year old daughter, and I rarely every see her sitting in his lap, or sitting at all, for that matter. I was always running around and playing when I was ten. It just seems very "off". I mean, I guess things could possibly be misconstruted as inappropriate, but...ick.
At 10 years old I sat on my dad's lap. We also kissed and cuddled. Some families are more affectionate than others.

That being said, I wasn't there so I can't judge whether or not it was creepy. Also, if they are new to the area and protective I highly doubt that they're going to let their DD go outside and play with the other neighborhood girls they don't know. They could just be a loving and affectionate family who are being protective of their DD or the step-dad could be a real UAV. Tough call.
post #15 of 248
ok that was creepy even for me and I have a high tolerance.

Lets say this was not a step dad but biological dad. would you still be creeped out? I would.

the thing that made it so weird for me is that she asked to get up and play and he said no. it doesn't seem she was being punished (agree or disagree with the method at least it would make some sense) so why not let her play. even if it wasn't a sex thing it sounds like he is using her to meet a need in him. not cool.
post #16 of 248
He's probably a pedophile or something but did you consider that maybe they really dislike and disapprove of the families in the neighborhood?

you said you practically dragged them out and forced them to be part of the social scene on your street. You said he wouldn't let her play with the other girls. Maybe he sounded creepy, but maybe he didn't approve of your kids as friends and was keeping her close to minimize the influence.

And now you all are planning to set up a trial to see if they will soon behave according to your expectations of socialization, and if they don't you plan to call the gestapo on them because they don't let their dd socialize *with you.*

Oops. I just realized homeschoolmama suggested all this already.

I can see either possibility, myself. Pedophile or protective.
post #17 of 248
Quote:
Originally Posted by townmouse View Post
you said you practically dragged them out and forced them to be part of the social scene on your street. You said he wouldn't let her play with the other girls. Maybe he sounded creepy, but maybe he didn't approve of your kids as friends and was keeping her close to minimize the influence.
This is exactly what I was thinking.
post #18 of 248
Sorry...I have a pretty high tolerence too...but this totally icks me out. Keep close watch, please.
post #19 of 248
It does sound very creepy.
post #20 of 248
The creepiest part to me is that this is her STEP dad. The more I think about it, the odder it seems...
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