Originally Posted by mmace
My gut instinct immediately said that there may be some special need there that might not be obvious to you, but makes peer interaction difficult. I've seen parents of spectrum kids that tend to hold their kids back in similar ways, because they are afraid of meltdowns, especially in unfamiliar situations.
Originally Posted by townmouse
you said you practically dragged them out and forced them to be part of the social scene on your street. You said he wouldn't let her play with the other girls. Maybe he sounded creepy, but maybe he didn't approve of your kids as friends and was keeping her close to minimize the influence.
Originally Posted by homeschoolmama
The creepiest part to me is that this is her STEP dad. The more I think about it, the odder it seems...
The woman I have known longest in my life (27 years, since we were 5) has a 10 yo, just about to be 11. She's my God-Daughter and I am extremely protective of her.
She became involved with a man about 6 years ago and married him, 2 years ago... He's amazing. He is intuitive and affectionate... I have the sweetest pictures of the two of them hugging, pressing their faces close and "Eskimo" kissing... he holds hands with her all the time, and swims with her on his back, carries her like a damsel in distress, gives her light touches to help her relax, massages to help her back-pain... all manner of things you
might term as inappropriate. Which is sad. Because her mom, my best-oldest friend, has boarderline personality disorder and while things all look fine with her on the surface, no one knows that she has done horrible things to herself and her family in the throes of her illness and thankfully she is on medication that tempers her symptoms. HE is the one that dgd can go to for all the emotional availability, HE is the litmus test for guaging the many new situations they've faced in 5 moves and much family drama, and the way MOM will deal with all the newness, filtering interactions, sheilding them from the many difficulties a family like theirs faces.
What if the move had been very traumatic for them, what if the girl has social anxiety and once she's with the peers, freaks out and has horrible nightmares, later... ? What if there is
some spcial needs imbalance that would have surfaced only after she was engaging (at night, I presume, even if within eyes/ears of parents...) with new kids? What if he was acting in her best interest because of the things HE knows about her as her FATHER?
From the outside, you NEVER know what the story is... there is every possibility that they're bonded and this was just them finding their "way" in a new situation.
The judgement going on here based on witnessing a step-parent being loving and hands-on in his affection is appallingly puritanical. Seriously... if it was mom it would be ok? If it was bio-dad it's okay? But, what, a step-parent isn't allowed to have an attachment and be loving? A step-parent needs to be hands off? Why? To make you
Right around the time I started puberty, my dad (step, originally at the age of 4 and then he adopted us when I was 5) suddenly became terrified of me. He wouldn't hold my hand anymore or kiss me or cuddle me... I have always held that with pain. It felt as though he was mad at me or I had done something wrong.
Until there is something REALLY creepy (like mom or daughter showing clear signs of abuse or something) I will applaud any Father (be him step or bio) for showing his adolescent girl unconditional love.