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My blood is boiling right now!

post #1 of 58
Thread Starter 
I do not know what to do right now. My son, who is ten, just got back from a weekend at his bio mom's house. A bit of background: We (DH and I) are Luke's legal guardians and have been for the last 5 years. His mom sees him every few weeks. In July she had a baby girl. His biomom lives with her boyfriend.

E (Luke's mom) had to work all day today so Luke was with the boyfriend and the boyfriend's 3 yo son. Luke came in the door and looked really upset. It took a few minutes to get the story out of him, by which time Luke was bawling. He told me this:

"N was crying really hard in her carseat and J kept reaching back and shaking the seat really hard. She was full of spit and choking on it and he just kept yelling at her and me and shaking her seat. I think he's going to kill her and don't want my sister to die!"

I calmed him down, even though I was shaking inside, and went upstairs to call Luke's mom at work. I told her everything and she said, "Oh, sometimes we rock her carseat to get her back to sleep." I explained that didn't jive with what my very articulate son said but she totally blew me off.

Wtf do I do?! He is so sensitive to babies and when they are upset.

On a seperate, no less disturbing note...my son handed me 2 bucks and asked to put it in his wallet. I asked him where he got it. Ya ready for this? The boyfriend made Lucas and a 3 yo go outside in the freezing cold to "play" and while out there some random guy tells my son to help him carry groceries into his house and he'll pay him!! And my son went! Into a strange man's home. Alone. While the grownup who is supposed to be watching him is on the third floor of the apartment complex totally out of sight and sound.

I have already decided Luke will not be over there when his mom is working. But I feel like I need to do soooo much more.
post #2 of 58
I would tell the mom your fears/concerns and see what she does.
post #3 of 58
I'd bug the hell out of her until she "gets" that he's not exaggerating. She's blowing it off cause she doesn't want to deal with it - make her.
post #4 of 58
First of all, document everything! Even if you decide not to take any kind of action now, if you ever end up in court it's helpful to have a record of everything that goes on.

I'd be very worried about that baby as well as the 3yo who lives with them. This sounds like abuse and potential neglect (I'm not sure if it's technically neglect if the 3yo was outside in the "care" of a 10yo). It's well within your rights as legal guardians to say that it's not acceptable for your particular 10yo to be outside alone.

I think this would be an appropriate time to call CPS. At the very least, you could use this as a reason to stop allowing her unsupervised visits with your DS. At the most, you could save this baby's life.
post #5 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
First of all, document everything! Even if you decide not to take any kind of action now, if you ever end up in court it's helpful to have a record of everything that goes on.

I'd be very worried about that baby as well as the 3yo who lives with them. This sounds like abuse and potential neglect (I'm not sure if it's technically neglect if the 3yo was outside in the "care" of a 10yo). It's well within your rights as legal guardians to say that it's not acceptable for your particular 10yo to be outside alone.

I think this would be an appropriate time to call CPS. At the very least, you could use this as a reason to stop allowing her unsupervised visits with your DS. At the most, you could save this baby's life.
: absolutely. I'm worried about the baby as well. I'd call.
post #6 of 58
Oh. Hell. No! I'd call in a heartbeat. If you truly beleive your son, it's worth a call to cps. It could save the baby's life.

:
post #7 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissMommyNiceNice View Post
Oh. Hell. No! I'd call in a heartbeat. If you truly beleive your son, it's worth a call to cps. It could save the baby's life.

:
I totally agree!


And how absolutely terrible for your son to witness that! :
post #8 of 58
I agree w/the PP who have said to call CPS. That baby's life could very well be in danger, as well as the 3yo : Your poor DS, what a horrible thing for him to witness, nevermind the fact that he was unsupervised and could have been abducted or hurt by a stranger : Thank goodness that man wasn't dangerous, but even a 10yo shouldn't be expected to have the judgement to say no to an adult person asking for help carrying groceries. Your DS sounds like a very sweet, sensitive soul
post #9 of 58
I'm as anti-CPS as they come - *I* would call. For sure. The mental image that gave me is horrifying. Please call them before that poor little girl is hurt, or worse. :
post #10 of 58
I'm left wondering how much shaking is really required for Shaken Baby Syndrome. How awful for your son.
post #11 of 58
I think that I would have to place a call into CPS if he is shaking the baby to quiet here and the mother doesnt see anything wrong with it/doesnt want to make an effort to fix the situation.
post #12 of 58
post #13 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by rmzbm View Post
I'm as anti-CPS as they come - *I* would call. For sure. The mental image that gave me is horrifying. Please call them before that poor little girl is hurt, or worse. :


while usually CPS totally rubs me the wrong way - i'd call in a heartbeat.
post #14 of 58
oh my... i would call . sounds like a bad situation for all the kids
post #15 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by rmzbm View Post
I'm as anti-CPS as they come - *I* would call. For sure. The mental image that gave me is horrifying. Please call them before that poor little girl is hurt, or worse. :
:

On a side note: it sounds like your 10 year old son and my 10 year old son are cut from the same cloth. Too bad we don't live near one another
post #16 of 58
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
I'd be very worried about that baby as well as the 3yo who lives with them. This sounds like abuse and potential neglect (I'm not sure if it's technically neglect if the 3yo was outside in the "care" of a 10yo). It's well within your rights as legal guardians to say that it's not acceptable for your particular 10yo to be outside alone.

I think this would be an appropriate time to call CPS. At the very least, you could use this as a reason to stop allowing her unsupervised visits with your DS. At the most, you could save this baby's life.
Oooh, this burns me up. Not you, but the fact that Luke has been left "in charge" of the 3 yo before in situations I don't feel comfortable with. He's an immature little boy with a little boy's brain. I don't leave him alone by himslef let alone a preschooler. I talked it over with DH and we have agreed that if mom wants to see him she can come here. I do not trust her to supervise and this boyfriend obvioulsy makes my son uncomfortable.
post #17 of 58
Thread Starter 
Ok. Let me take a moment to sound so horrible and selfish and terrible. I hate myself for even thinking this way...but....

I'm scared to call DCF because I am scared of retaliation. I'm worried that E will know it was me (how could she not) and that will cause her to challenge our guardianship. We have spent 5 years letting her get away with a lot of crap just to avoid rocking the boat. She's never really done anything to endanger Lucas, but she's toed the line of what I would call responsible parenting. Ugh. I feel like total crap for even thinking of putting myself before a three month old baby.
post #18 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Synthea™ View Post
I'd bug the hell out of her until she "gets" that he's not exaggerating. She's blowing it off cause she doesn't want to deal with it - make her.
Ditto!
post #19 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by LotusBirthMama View Post
Ok. Let me take a moment to sound so horrible and selfish and terrible. I hate myself for even thinking this way...but....

I'm scared to call DCF because I am scared of retaliation. I'm worried that E will know it was me (how could she not) and that will cause her to challenge our guardianship. We have spent 5 years letting her get away with a lot of crap just to avoid rocking the boat. She's never really done anything to endanger Lucas, but she's toed the line of what I would call responsible parenting. Ugh. I feel like total crap for even thinking of putting myself before a three month old baby.
Im so sorry you are having to deal with this... What a horrible situation you are in. I am sure you will make the right choice for your family.
post #20 of 58
What a horrible position to be in, LotusBirthMama... some food for thought though...

I'm a NICU nurse and occasionally when the NICU is overstaffed we get "floated" and work in the general pediatric acute care floor, last time I was there 2 out of my 3 patients were there for shaken baby syndrome. We're talking MRIs, seizure medications, permanent brain damage. As a NICU nurse who sees plenty of babies who end up with brain damage due to prematurity and genetic abnormalities-- things that are difficult to prevent, it just kills me to see beautiful perfect babies who were fine until one of their caretakers lost control and hurt them.

And, even though she could retaliate, it could also help your case to have a history of neglect (because leaving her kids in the care of *that* man is neglect, if not outright abuse) already on the books.

Really, and I hear your fear, but it sounds like you need to call. This is your son's sister, afterall.
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