Big sister hitting new baby

[carmalbert]

Hi All,

Big sister (21 months) is having issues dealing with her jealousy. She has been hitting her baby sister lately (5 weeks). Mostly it happens when I am nursing, but sometimes when the baby is in her swing. I am stuggling with how to discipline her. I don't want her to correlate punishment with her new sister when she is already having problems with her. Is anyone else dealing with this or have you in the past?

It is so distressing for me to watch her do this. I am so sad for the baby and for her becuase she really is a sweet girl and does a lot of doting on her little sister as well. I know she does not want to hit, she just doesn't know how to handle her emotions.

Thanks for any advice you can offer!

[naismama]

:

DD has hit babe in the head once: and I've caught her trying to "squeeze" his toes a couple of times. They are 26.5 months apart; I feel your frustration. (((hugs)))

--naismama

[Noelia430]

I dealt with that issue when ds1 was a newborn. DD was 20 months and would get very upset when I was nursing. That's mostly when the hitting would happen. I started gathering lots of books that I could read to her while I was nursing so she wouldn't feel so left out. That seemed to do the trick and the problem didn't last long. Good luck to you!

[hammycakes]

distract her before it happens and really reward positive behavior with lots of love and kisses ? This must be so frustrating!
My 7 yo has taken to saying, "No, I'm the baby!" but it's just kind of funny!
Good luck!

[Hippiemommie]

I say this to DS when he hits me or DH. I say, "DS, we don't like hits. They hurt Mama. I do love hugs though!" and he always comes up and hugs me instead. When she hits your infant I would also say, "I see that you are angry at baby. You feel like she is taking your Mama." Validate her feelings and let her know you understand.

[candyapplez]

Originally Posted by Hippiemommie

I say this to DS when he hits me or DH. I say, "DS, we don't like hits. They hurt Mama. I do love hugs though!" and he always comes up and hugs me instead. When she hits your infant I would also say, "I see that you are angry at baby. You feel like she is taking your Mama." Validate her feelings and let her know you understand.

I agree with this except I would pose it as a question. Do you feel like she is taking your mama? It's never to early to start teaching kids to reconize their feelings.

BTW when dh was little and his lil' sis was born, his mom caught him choking her. They took him to a therapist who said nothing was wrong with him he just didn't like it when his sister cried.

[Jenlaana]

my mom swore up and down that DD was going to hate her little sister (maybe because I hate mine? or because my niece hates her little sister?) My DD1 is pretty "needy" and likes to be the center of attention so we had a lot of concerns about her hating her sister.

So what we have done, is go VERY out of our way to make sure DD1 knows how special she is to us, how special they both are. If I tell DD2 how cute she is, or tell DH how cute she is, I also make sure that if DD1 is in hearing range, I also tell DH how cute DD1 was today etc. If DD2 gets attention, we make sure DD1 does also (i.e. I try to BF DD2 and let DD1 sit next to me and cuddle at the same time) We also let her "help" with the baby all the time. She doesnt actually do anything, although we just got her her own 'baby' that she picks up and feeds and burps etc etc. If DD1 starts to "regress" i.e. crying like a baby, or otherwise pretending to be a baby, I humor her and give her lovings just like I would if she was the 'real' baby. I dont ever tell her to 'grow up' or try to discourage her or anything. It seems to make the behavior last much less time.

I dont think its an issue of discipline honestly and I would not want to go that route because I think its a really sensative time. They are not understanding why they arent "the baby" anymore and where they fit in to this new family layout. I dont want DD1 to resent her sister more because she gets punished (as she sees it) as a result of her sister being born, ykwim?

[Jenlaana]

Just wanted to say too that because (imo) of how we've treated DD1, she has only and always been very sweet to DD2. She says how cute she is and kisses her all the time. My only real worries are that DD1 tries to pick her up if I turn my head for a second (even sitting with them) because she wants to cuddle her and burp her and "mommy her" like I do. She has even tried to breastfeed her, by pinching her tummy skin and then trying to manuever herself up to the baby's face, lol. Luckily I can jsut redirect her towards her dollies.

[Brisen]

Originally Posted by Noelia430

I started gathering lots of books that I could read to her while I was nursing so she wouldn't feel so left out.

:

Originally Posted by hammycakes

distract her before it happens and really reward positive behavior with lots of love and kisses ? This must be so frustrating!

:

My youngest is three, she loves the baby, trying to mother him (like Jenlaana's dd), but she is getting more and more frustrated that I'm not as available, and starting to take it out on the baby. Patting his head too hard, grabbing his hand to make him pat her, that kind of thing. I try to just calmly tell her "That hurts him. You can pat his hand gently, like this," and then really get into being excited about it when she treats him gently. I also just cannot turn my back for a second, otherwise she is on him right away. Thank goodness for the wrap carrier.