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Non-Flaming Mommas! Tribe - Page 2

post #21 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by Valkyrie9 View Post
I vow to uphold the peaceful principles this tribe holds true. I also vow to update my signature to include the link...just probably not tonight.
I cheated. I hit reply with quote on the original thread and just copied the link info from it.
post #22 of 88

I am wondering what everyone thinks flaming is, specifically?

Is it being hostile? Is it arguing? Is it provoking or baiting people?

Just curious.
post #23 of 88
Hey mamas! I'm just popping in with a gentle reminder that the FYT Guidelines state that tribes ae=re not to be used to criticize or otherwise negatively reference other threads, posts, or posters. I would c and p and quote, but I'm on my hubby's laptop and I don't know how, .

Anyway, I applaud your desire to post peacefully and hope you find this a safe place to encourage one another, but you need to do it without referencing other threads, posts, forums, or members.

Peace, ladies!
post #24 of 88
For me I think it is when you see that mama who lost it on their child and forgot their GD and feels horrible about it, you shouldn't start in on her about what a crappy mom she is and she should have CPS called on her. Instead give her that hug and if she needs to regroup and have better coping ideas offer her some suggestions.

I think using less attacking language is important. This is probably where the "please use "I feel" statements" come in....
post #25 of 88
I should add: I made up that scenario, I did not see it today or recently.
post #26 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali View Post
"Be kind. If you can't be kind, then be Quiet."
I so need this to be a bumper sticker!!

I want to join too!!
post #27 of 88
Count me in!
post #28 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali View Post
I think it's a good idea to strive to remember that we are dealing with real people, with real feelings.

I sometimes fall off the Nice wagon but I try not to let that happen very often.
Like my former sig said "Be kind. If you can't be kind, then be Quiet."


:

Subbing here!!!
post #29 of 88
I'm in....I hate flaming....I try very hard to never say anything negative , and only give support....my mom also taught me "if you can't say anything nice don't say anything".
post #30 of 88
me!
post #31 of 88
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali View Post
I think it's a good idea to strive to remember that we are dealing with real people, with real feelings.

I sometimes fall off the Nice wagon but I try not to let that happen very often.
Like my former sig said "Be kind. If you can't be kind, then be Quiet."
Beautiful. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said,

"Open minds come with mouths that close. Closed minds come only with mouths that open."

Sort of the same idea and made me think of the quote you shared.

Remember to update your sig lines, mamas, if you want to!
post #32 of 88
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeanne D'Arc View Post

I am wondering what everyone thinks flaming is, specifically?

Is it being hostile? Is it arguing? Is it provoking or baiting people?

Just curious.

I was trying to define that, too. I found this quote online, I am looking for the source again...

"Flaming is hostility sans content or relevance. Flaming is inflammatory, vicious, gratuitously nasty, malicious, spiteful diatribe. Flaming is not only bullying manipulative provocation against the target, but also manipulative intimidation and aversion more widely, for the purpose of online Relational Bullying,"

To me, flaming is when one purposefully comments on another's situation or words with the conscious intent to belittle or insult them, put them down, and/or pass hostile judgement without any attempt or feeling of mercy, empathy, or compassion. To me, flaming is the opposite of merciful, empathetic, compassionate, and friendly conversation.

I also think that making statements in reply like, "you think _____ " (telling others what they think or feel) are hostility provoking and bound for argument.

What do you all think?
post #33 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeanne D'Arc View Post

I am wondering what everyone thinks flaming is, specifically?

Is it being hostile? Is it arguing? Is it provoking or baiting people?

Just curious.
I would say that I see it the way Wikipedia describes it here.
post #34 of 88
This totally says it for me: "Flaming is hostility sans content or relevance."
post #35 of 88
OK. I promise not to flame.
post #36 of 88
Thread Starter 
Sending a big hug to you all!



Hope your day is great!
post #37 of 88
Thread Starter 
Corasmama...CONGRATULATIONS on your marriage!! I just saw your sig line!

WELCOME to all the mamas joining us!!
post #38 of 88
Thread Starter 
This discussion is really insightful, mamas, thank you so much!

I am wondering, what things can we do to prevent flaming? We've talked about "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" to voicing opinions or even healthy debate in a constructive manner rather than judgment lacking content. But do you think there are ways of posting/writing that possibly invite flamming responses more so than other ways? My idea is that maybe it isn't always the one that responds, but perhaps also the original post? I have no idea or specifics in mind, but it just came up when I was thinking, if maybe there are ways to even head off a mama giving a flaming response more so than others? What do you think?

I also want to add, I hope this thread doesn't turn into a MDC bash or a place to voice complaints about other threads, as the mod gently mentioned. As we all know flamming happens all over the www, sadly. I'm glad we're all coming together here in a positive way to work for solutions, understanding to this common internet communication plague, and to pledge our commitment to productive and positive posting online.
post #39 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by Live4Today View Post
This discussion is really insightful, mamas, thank you so much!

I am wondering, what things can we do to prevent flaming? We've talked about "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" to voicing opinions or even healthy debate in a constructive manner rather than judgment lacking content. But do you think there are ways of posting/writing that possibly invite flamming responses more so than other ways? My idea is that maybe it isn't always the one that responds, but perhaps also the original post? I have no idea or specifics in mind, but it just came up when I was thinking, if maybe there are ways to even head off a mama giving a flaming response more so than others? What do you think?
I'm not sure about the original post question, but I do think caution should be used in using the "if you can't say anything nice..." rule. I think that could be dismissed as a stifler of discussion and any disagreement. Expressing disagreement is fine, as is lively debate, but both can be done respectfully. The dynamic that I think is so pervasive and destructive here is the underlying theme in so many posts not of "I disagree" or "here's another way to look at it," but rather "OBVIOUSLY (you idiot), you're doing it all wrong." People often point out that tone is easily misunderstood in internet discussions, and that can be true at times, but I think more often than not tone can be and is pretty clearly conveyed by the written word. And of course, blatantly judgemental and belittling language is crystal clear regardless of "tone" .
post #40 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by summerbabe View Post
I'm not sure about the original post question, but I do think caution should be used in using the "if you can't say anything nice..." rule. I think that could be dismissed as a stifler of discussion and any disagreement. Expressing disagreement is fine, as is lively debate, but both can be done respectfully. The dynamic that I think is so pervasive and destructive here is the underlying theme in so many posts not of "I disagree" or "here's another way to look at it," but rather "OBVIOUSLY (you idiot), you're doing it all wrong." People often point out that tone is easily misunderstood in internet discussions, and that can be true at times, but I think more often than not tone can be and is pretty clearly conveyed by the written word. And of course, blatantly judgemental and belittling language is crystal clear regardless of "tone" .
I agree, we should be able to disagree just... in a civil manner.

I also think it might be a good idea if someone does flame you
after you have been as polite and diplomatic as you can the
best thing to do would probably either leave the conversation
or ignore the poster. Of course depending...if the person
genuinely thinks you are in error you can try explaining yourself
but, like I said if it becomes just some excuse to smear you then
I would leave it be.

I also think we should pledge....as Non-Flamming Mommas, to
protect those who do get flamed,who are not necessarily ourselves or
those of us in the tribe. I think we might see some turn around here
if there were several mommas who spoke out, and reprimanded flaming.

Now, the job for us is to discern the line between truly warranted
flaming ( which I, so far have rarely seen here ) and someone who
is getting attacked undeservedly. It's also important to address
TRUE concern when it is apparent, but I can usually tell
true concern from blatant castigating.
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