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My mother thinks i'm Gross.

post #1 of 47
Thread Starter 
Okay I don't know what to do. I am due May 15 with a baby (don't know the gender yet) and my cousin is due next month with a baby boy. She recently had a babyshower and had a "Circ Tree" at it!!!!! She can't afford to circ so she had people donate money so she could circ her little boy!! I got very upset and told her that she shouldn't circ and that way she won't even need people to give her money for it. My mom overhead me telling her this and yelled at me saying that it's gross if you don't circ a boy and he will get made fun of when he is older ect ect. I was SO MAD!!! No one in my family seems to understand how dumb circumsizing (sp?) really is! I need some more info to back up what i believe so I can prove my point. Because right now they just think I am gross and hope i don't have a boy because they think I will ruin his life by not circing him!! Sorry that I am rambling.
post #2 of 47
Ugh... That's pretty bad. Did anyone actually donate?
I'm sorry about your mom. My MIL still has this reaction still. Some people are just socialized to believe this crap.
post #3 of 47
A CIRC TREE????????????????????????

:Puke :Puke :Puke


great gods and goddesses, i just do not know what to say.

i say send a video of a circ to everyone who donated so they can see what they put their money into.

post #4 of 47
Thread Starter 

Yep just about everyone there donated!!!! I was so angry and they got mad at ME for not donating. They think it's "Unsanitary to not circ" It's such crap.
post #5 of 47
A circ tree? That is unbelievable. They're tight on cash but they'll hit up their friends for cosmetic surgery on their son's genitals . . . I don't get it.

As far as what to do about your mom, I'd print out some good info for her and stick to your guns.
post #6 of 47
That is horrible. People just don't know and are so conditioned that circ is normal. It's so scary. You did the right thing and you are a great mommy for keeping your future baby intact if you have a boy.
post #7 of 47
That is the sickest thing I have ever heard of. Let's all donate to pay someone to MUTILATE YOUR BABY!!!!
puke puke puke

Okay, so obviously these people need some education. Your mom, the other mom-to-be, and all the people at the shower. Clearly they think circ is a minor little painless procedure that removes just a little skin and has untold health and hygeine benefits. I mean, these people aren't monsters, right? They don't really want to pay to torture and maim helpless babies, right? They think they are really doing the right thing of course. So they just need education. Lots of it.

Maybe you could pretend you are having a tupperware party? Or one of those new sex toy parties? Or, your own baby shower? Then when you have them all there with their punch and snacks, lock the door and start the video (of a circumcision)! Or have all the shower games be like, "name the structures removed in a circumcision and the function of each" "describe how to clean an intact penis" etc. etc.

Okay, I know I'm rambling here. And I'm sure you have a lot on your plate now, to be saddled with educating a bunch of people on circumcision!

Anyway, welcome to the boards and congratulations on your pregnancy!!


ETA: the best "intro" material I've found are the two mothering articles by Paul Fleiss, MD, found in the stickies of this forum under "mothering articles on circ." They pretty much line up all the dumb reasons people circ and say why each is not valid, then tell you how circ harms, and how simple it is to care for a normal penis, and lastly how to protect your son's normal penis from ignorant doctors (sad but true that that is necessary.)
post #8 of 47
Thread Starter 
Thanks so much for all your advice. I am SO thankful I found this board. I have never really met anyone who was so against Circ like I am! I think I am going to show my mother and my cousin and whoever else I know who belives in circ the graphic circ video in the board.
post #9 of 47
That is so horrible, it makes me sick :Puke
post #10 of 47
Normally, I just mind my own business about stuff like this, but when they ask for money, they are making it your business.

I wish I'd known it was ok to ask for meony for comsetic surgery at showers. I had 3 showers, and I coudl have a money tree to pay for liposuction and a boob job after baby!

I didn't know ANYTHING about circumsicion when I was pregnant. I found out BC medical doesn't cover it, so I started finding out how complicated caring for an uncircumsized penis is. I knew a couple of moms with boys and was so releived to find out it's easy-no retracting or anything. I didn't research more than that, as getting it done was no longer an option once I found out it would cost money. (If it had been covered, I'd have done more research before deciding, btw) As it turned out, I had a girl.

Asking for money for it at a shower (or anywhere, actually) is just so beyond tacky.
post #11 of 47
Wow. A circ tree. That's a new low. :
post #12 of 47
A circ tree?!? Wow, thats just... sick.
post #13 of 47
That's so horrible
post #14 of 47
Maybe tell your mother and sister (and everybody else) that their view on intact penises is an American cultural idiosyncracy? Just like in some parts of the world people think a girl with intact labia and clitoris is gross? That in Europe nobody circs, and nobody worries about the "care of the intact penis" (there is no such thing, they need no special care). And that circumcision rates in the US are going down (fast I hope), so that less than 50 % are now doing it, hence no danger of being made fun of?
post #15 of 47
I agree with the others - that is truly disgusting (and I can't believe anyone contributed).

Here is a very good article to share with your mother, the other mom-to-be, and anyone else who might be willing to read it:


People should know that this is what they contributed to.
post #16 of 47
Oh my freakin' word, A CIRC TREE?!?!?! My mouth literally dropped!!!!!!
That's soooooo far beyond sick and wrong that I can't even find the right words to describe it..
post #17 of 47
What did the woman say when you told her it was a uneeded surgery?

I swear just when you think you have heard it all
post #18 of 47
A circ tree? Who came up with that idea? I would have left the shower, I couldn't have stood there & watch such a thing. Insanity.

When my family found out we weren't going to circ, they were freaked out & I assume they still are. Well, my mom found out because it randomly came up in the convo & then told everyone about it. She was sitting around a table a few days after she found out, family asked how we were doing, & she announced, "they aren't going to circ their baby boy...I don't know what to do anymore." And yes, she fully admitted to it. She's convinced that it's some weird thing I'm doing (because in their minds dh doesn't exist I guess) just to make them upset. She of course also told my dad. When he found out he brought it up to me & when I told him no we weren't going to do it, he offered to pay for it. And when I explained it had nothing to do with money, we just find it a pathetic thing to put a baby though, he then offered to DOUBLE the amount. So basically pay for it & give us a bribe. When I stood firm on how not only we weren't going to do it but that his reaction was offensive, he told me how my son would hate me, how we needed to rethink it, & that "99.9% of people have it done, so he'll be very weird." When I tried to educate him a bit he basically ignored me & told me, "Well, when you change your mind the money will still be there." So I'm waiting for the moment after birth were dh & I get to deal with that offer coming back up.

The inlaws don't know yet. But they are very old fashioned type folk, the entire huge family is circ'ed & it's not even considered not to. Now they aren't as offensive as my family, but I'm sure they will be unhappy & try to change our minds.
post #19 of 47
You obviously know, your mom is the one who is showing that she is gross and uneducated.

Please do hang around here, and read. There is a lot of information and links here, you can definitely share this with your mom, pregnant woman and her family.

It's just crazy to hear all of the ignorance about the normal human penis :, we've seriously got a lot of misconceptions and flat out lies out there.

The intact, normal baby penis requires no special care. Just a wipe around like its a finger. NO special care required. Contrast that with the care for a recently circumcised penis and the aftermath...well no comparison how horrible a circumcised baby penis is to take care of. : That's just a start though, when you factor in the pain/neurologic damage, surgical risks and long term sexual damage it's really obvious to not fool around with the normal human penis. We would not have survived and thrived as a human species if the foreskin was problematic and didn't ensure the next generation.
post #20 of 47
A circumcision tree?! That is seriously one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard of recently. I think if someone I know had a shower with one of those, I would tell them (or whoever came up with the idea) what I thought of it and walk out. Those people think an intact penis is abnormal and gross, I think it is abnormal and gross to solicit money for unnecessary painful cosmetic surgery on a helpless newborn boy. Wow, just wow.
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