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[birthmommom]

noticed that we were a little behind and thought I could help...hope I didn't step on any toes.

I am not on much so how is this pregnancy going? How is it different from your first?
what do you think it will be like with a new one and a 3 year old? how do you think your ds will do with a new baby?

[lovetobemama]

Originally Posted by birthmommom

noticed that we were a little behind and thought I could help...hope I didn't step on any toes.

I am not on much so how is this pregnancy going? How is it different from your first?
what do you think it will be like with a new one and a 3 year old? how do you think your ds will do with a new baby?

Wow! I'm so excited that it is my turn!! I couldn't belive it when I saw your post. Thanks for jumping in!


Pregnancy: Everything is going pretty well, I would say. So far, the major differences have been than my morning sickness was much worse, and any back pains have been much less. I think I know more about taking care of my back and posture, so that is helping. I do the yoga child's pose every night before bed, and make sure to keep my pelvis under and my posture up, so that is making a huge difference.
Also, I have been craving more sweets, and not nearly as much meat as I did with DS's pregnancy.
The only bumps in the road so far have been: mild spotting off and on in the first tri (which also happened with DS, so I now think it may just be normal for me), and I found out last week that I was anemic. I have adjusted my diet and started a supplement, and have recently started to have more energy. I didn't even think that there could be a reason for my low energy other than the combination of pregnancy and raising a toddler, so it is exciting to be feeling better!!
Emotionally, however, it is a different story. I have been MUCH more emotional, but also feeling a relationship to the baby develop. I want her and can't wait to hold her, and don't think that I am as fearful of what will come with a newborn this time around. Now I KNOW she won't even make eye contact with me though I will be a slave for her for WEEKS! I am not afraid to bond with her, even though I know it will be hard. With DS, I was looking for what would be coming back from him...did he respond to me, did I soothe him well, etc. Now I understand that I can just go ahead and fall in love with my baby without waiting for my baby to show me love back. I'm not worried about loving my baby the "wrong" way, and now I understand that in reality, instead of just theoretically. I was a very aprehensive first time mother (also, DS had TERRIBLE colic, which I know now what better I could have done, so that makes a big difference, too.)

On having a newborn and DS (who is turning 2 on Sunday, I don't really know. I feel "cautiously optimistic". DS is very verbal, so that will help, I think. Also, we have a lot of good cuddle games and comfort cues, and we still nurse one to two times per day, so those things will help, too. I KNOW that it will be somewhat hard, inevitably, but he LOVES babies, and I have babysat for a friend's baby for a couple of weeks in a row here and there, and I think he understands that babies need help certain times completely, but that he will also get time as soon as the baby is fed/diapered/washed/etc.

Wow...sorry for the gigantic response. I just got so excited.

[StrawberryFields]

Does your ds know about the upcoming new addition? How do you talk about it with him?

[lovetobemama]

Originally Posted by StrawberryFields

Does your ds know about the upcoming new addition? How do you talk about it with him?

Sort of...the whole thing is kind of strange right now, because my sister is 38 weeks pregnant and living with us until her baby is born. So really we are all focused on and are talking about "baby Anna" coming soon from Aunt Maria's big belly. He definitely seems to understand a little bit about there being a baby in there, and that she will come out soon.
But I haven't talked to him too much about me having a baby. Dh and I figured that my sister's baby's arrival would be a great way to get DS ready for his own sibling. Plus, my belly is only just now getting noticeably bigger, so I don't think he would have gotten it much before.
After Maria has her baby, when a couple of weeks have gone by, then I think we will start pointing out my belly and talking to him about there being a baby in there.
We have talked about "someday" that mommy and daddy will have a new baby for Ben to play with, and he seems ok with that.

[gingerbane]

How do you like St. Louis? Are you originally from the area? How many kids do you see yourself and DH having? Oh, and what do you like to do in your spare time (if you have any - lol)?

[lovetobemama]

St. Louis...hum...that's a tricky one. I LOVE St. Louis because we have lots of close family and a strong friend network that I couldn't imagine living without. And, there are many wonderful and high quality parks and destinations like the St. Louis Zoo which are either free or mostly free. And I like my neighborhood (South Hampton) because it is in the city, but still clean and safe, and we can walk many places like parks, the library, and the store.
But as far as the city in general, this is low on my list of where I would have chosen to end up. Though you can walk in my neighborhood, that's about it here. This is the most poorly designed urban and suburban transit area that I could imagine! You almost CAN'T carpool, and taking the bus is a major feat of time committment and patience. It's not remotely practical for the vast, vast majority of residents here. Plus the smog in late summer is disgusting, and the public school system is in a shambles. If we stay here, I will have to homeschool or private school without question.
I should disclose, however, that DH and I have a love affair with the Rocky Mountains. So there are many cities in Colorado and the north west that we dream of moving to, such as Fort Collins. And so flat, smoggy, humid St. Louis with it's gigantic obese population and lack of public transit doesn't stand a chance to our "ideal" of where we'd like to raise our kids. But leaving the grandparents and aunts and uncles behind, at this point when kids are small and we need help, seems like the worse choice. We'll see when the kids are school-aged and we are trying to find peers for them.

I only moved here in high school. I have lived in Texas, Louisiana (where I spent the majority of my time growing up), Michigan, and Ohio. But my extended family is from southern Missouri, so Missouri has always felt more like "home" than any other place.

We're really torn on the # of kids issue. I know we won't stop at 2. Don't know how I know, but I just know this isn't it. But what I don't know is will we have a 3rd biologically, or wait a bit and then adopt 1 and then a second one. We have decided that if we adopt one, we will work to add a second adopted child, because it just doesn't seem right to have 2 bio and 1 adopted. I fear that a single adopted child would always feel slightly like the odd one out. Plus, if we are adpoting, we sometimes think that we are being called to adopt older children, so we would need our 2 bio kids to be much older before we could bring someone who needed much extra love and support into the family. Basically, we just don't know what the future holds, but we are sure that this little one coming in Feb is not the last member of our family, no matter how things will play out. Also, I am wrestling with whether I could never be pregnant or nurse a baby again, after this one. We'll see!

As for spare time: I spend much more of it on MDC than I ever dreamed I would. But I also really like to read and go on walks and hikes. I toy with writing some, but never get too aggressive in my projects or dreams. DH and I like to camp, but haven't since ds was born. We thought we would, it just hasn't happened. Once this one gets a little older, we will have to jump back in. I do work 1 part-time day a week as a speech-language pathologist, so I also spend free time doing paperwork and researching new developments in the field. It's not much work, but it does seem to help me keep my perspective balanced here at home. Just having that little outlet helps me not freak out so much about the simple, but crazy little life that we lead here!

[smokeylo]

Do you have names picked out? What are your birth plans for this wee one?

[lovetobemama]

Originally Posted by smokeylo

Do you have names picked out? What are your birth plans for this wee one?

Names are a little tricky. With ds, both DH and I were 100% sure what we were going to name him from day 1, pretty much. But with this one, I am totally blank. There are lots of names that I like, but nothing that seems like "the one". However, DH is completely set on the name "Molly Ruth". Molly because he likes the name, and Ruth is my middle name so we would pass it down.
So, it is pretty much going to come down to whether or not I go with what DH strongly wants, or keep pushing him to find something else that seems right. I really don't know what to do:. It helps that I do like the name Molly, so it wouldn't be too bad to go with, I just don't feel necessarily drawn to it.



As for birth plans, that is also a tricky one. We will be having a hospital birth, because here in Missouri, midwives can not attend births legally at home::, and the single only OB who will attend home births in this area is someone I know and do not like at all. I CAN NOT imagine getting any peace in a homebirth having this man attend to me. He is the polar opposite of a good midwife. I've seen him at a birth, and he was NOT supportive or encouraging at all. Just kind of bored:. (As you can tell, I'm really frustrated that I don't like this guy, if I did, I would be having a home birth, so it's just a crappy situation...stupid Missouri law!!:. So, to make a long answer long, I won't be having a homebirth because no one can safely and without fear of legal action attend to me, and I do not feel called to UC.

I had DS in a hospital, so I am ok with having to go there, but I can remember clearly how my smooth and peaceful labor slowed down and got painful as soon as I got in the medical center. So in preparing for this birth, I am working hard to be ready to overcome that emotional hurdle...to be able to transition to the hospital without losing my focus and peace.

Also, I am working to be mentally ready for another natural birth. Frustratingly, for some reason, my most poignant memories of DS's birth are of the awfulness of transition. I can still remember it clearly, and feel helpless every time I remember it. Even though it was actually a quick, smooth, drug-free first-time labor, I still have some trouble remembering any of the good without first focusing on the hardest and worst parts. So I am working hard to reframe my memories and put the pain in perspective, as well as find more ways and tools that I can use to deal better with the physical and mental challenges.

DS had a very heavy, double aspiration at birth, and his little lungs were full of fluid and dark, so he had to be in the NICU and on oxygen for the first 30 hours. I think that missing out on the skin-to-skin early bonding time and the early nursing time is partly why I have trouble with remembering only the worst of labor. So, knowing the odds of that happening again are tiny really helps. To think that after I push this DC out, I will get to hold her to me and nurse her, rather than just push a baby out and then sit alone in a recovery room reeling from the exhaustion and pain while a medical team 2 floors away helps DC to breathe, is a BIG help.

I know I've got more mental work to do, but I belive I will get there. I know I can do it, I just have to let go of fear and tension...I'm a work-in-progress.

Thanks for asking!

[smokeylo]

what a bummer! i know some great midwives in mo and there's that awesome birth center in columbia.

HB is not legal in Iowa either but I'm still doing it .

Molly is a sweet name. We have struggled with a boy name but I think we came up with one this week finally! I was beginning to feel really bad!

[lovetobemama]

Originally Posted by smokeylo

what a bummer! i know some great midwives in mo and there's that awesome birth center in columbia.

HB is not legal in Iowa either but I'm still doing it .

Molly is a sweet name. We have struggled with a boy name but I think we came up with one this week finally! I was beginning to feel really bad!

You know, I have given it a lot of thought...to just do a homebirth anyway, illegally. But I know myself well enough to know that I will be giving up a lot emotionally in choosing a provider who would face jail time in the event of something going poorly, or knowing that, in the event of a hospital transfer, I would have to be lying to everyone about what had led up to the transfer in order to protect my attendant. I know many women who have been able to let this go and work around it, but I just know myself and know that it wouldn't be the birth I wanted as long as this issue was there.
But I send a major congrats and lots of positive thoughts your way, and the way of any woman who is also in this situation and is still going for it! Can't wait to read your birth story in Feb!
Emily

[gingerbane]

Smokeylo-
In Des Moines they have a pretty awesome birthing center. I'm surprised that IA City doesn't have anything like that. It's such an eclectic "hippy" town. At least I always thought so.