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33 weeks preg and father dies  

post #1 of 12
3/11/02 at 5:28pm
Thread Starter 
My dad died two weeks ago. Although he's had ongoing health problems for about 8 years, we never suspected that he'd get a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer and be dead within 8 days. I still feel like I'm realing. His death has been difficult as I'm 33 weeks pregnant with my second child. The pregnancy has been going great and I was so looking forward to this wonderful homebirth. Now I feel derailed. I'm having a hard time getting back on the new life track while I'm still grieving the death of my dad.
post #2 of 12
3/11/02 at 5:56pm
I am so sorry, and I know that no words will help with the pain. I hope that you can find the strength you need to take care of yourself and enjoy the new life who will soon join you.

Have you considered using your father's name (first, middle or last) in some way when you name this baby. A sir name can become a great middle name for a girl, or you could slightly change a name to fit in with what you like. That way, a part of your father can life on for you forever in your child.

My prayers are with you.
post #3 of 12
3/11/02 at 8:27pm
BabyLover,

You have my heartfelt condolences. I am sorry for the loss of your father, and wish you and your unborn child well as you grieve one loss and prepare for a new beginning.

Love,
Sarah
post #4 of 12
3/11/02 at 11:36pm
Babylover~

I am so sorry for your recent loss of your dad. I think the idea of honoring your father~whether by using his name, setting up a memorial (we did this when my dh died~there is a bench at the zoo in his name) or creating a ritual (by lighting a candle in honor of him at dinner time, etc.) is a good way to keep his memory and love alive.

Also, please, please take care of yourself~physically and emotionally. Write your feelings and memories down in a journal can be cleansing and healing.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Please keep us posted.

Much love & hugs~

Lisa
post #5 of 12
3/12/02 at 8:17pm

it sucked

My brother was the first person I told when I was pg and then he died when I was 10 weeks. He was really looking forward to meeting dd. I used his middle name for hers. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to deal with the grief and take care of her, and I was concerned how the impact of his death would affect the rest of the pregnancy. I think I'm managing the best I can.
post #6 of 12
3/14/02 at 7:13am
I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother to pancreatic cancer five years ago. It is an awful disease.

Sending healing thoughts and wishes for you. And wishes for the birth that you desire even as you grieve.

Cedarah
post #7 of 12
3/15/02 at 1:53pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks so much for the supportive words. We have thought of naming the baby after my dad. There are 20 grandchildren in my family and noone has been brave enough to name their child after my dad. His name was Fridolin, so one can understand. If our first would have been a boy, we would have named him Fridolin and we plan to do the same with this one if it's a boy. We will probably use the middle name as the regular name to call the child. It just makes me sad to think of my child with my having grandpa's name who died before it was born, blah blah blah. I don't know if I can deal with that sadness. I had a brother who died several years ago and we thought of nameing the child after my brother, but it made me too sad. maybe it's just too soon after dad's passing. I think it also just makes me a little regretful that if it is a boy and we name him Fridolin, that my dad won't be around to know that finally someone carried on his first name.
post #8 of 12
3/23/02 at 3:00am
I am so sorry for your loss. It is so difficult to hold such seemingly opposing emotions at the same time--the joy of this new baby and the grief at your father's death. I lost my father when I was 15 and I have always felt his presence in my life. He began visiting my dreams just before his funeral and has done so when I needed him most for the past 15 years. There are times when I just know he is with me. I know he is proud of his only grandchild. I wish for you the same. Is there a counselor in your area who specializes in prenatal therapy? A few visits could help you begin to process your grief and continue to prepapre for your beautiful homebirth.
Sending good thoughts your way. . .
post #9 of 12
3/24/02 at 12:47am
Babylover-just thinking about you and hoping your well. I know this is a trying time.
post #10 of 12
3/24/02 at 4:13am
I don't have any wisdom for you. All I can offer you is my tears. I have shed some for you, so that might shorten your road. Bless you and your dear new baby. Bless you beloved father too.
post #11 of 12
3/29/02 at 2:10pm
Babylover, I am sending you hope and peace. I lost my mom when I was five months pregnant. That was over 6 years ago. I see my mom in my ds frquently and it brings me joy. I encourage you to take good care of yourself and allow your feelings to flow naturally. Tears shed are likely to help heal, tears suppressed are not only taking a toll on you, but also on your baby. I will be sending you healing energy.
post #12 of 12
3/31/02 at 10:58pm
Just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss.
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