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Is this really how they do it.

post #1 of 106
Thread Starter 
On my mainstream message board today one mother posted advice she got from her pediatrician regarding her 10 month old daughter. He says at this age a baby should not need to nurse at night so when baby wakes she should check her after two minutes of crying. If all seems ok, how can it be ok if baby is crying :, leave her to cry. He recommends checking on her every 30 minutes until she finally puts herself back to sleep.

I cannot believe anyone every lets their child cry themselves to sleep, but
I didn't realize anyone was cruel enough to let them cry alone in the dark for 30 minutes at a time! Is this standard for CIO. I always knew it wasn't an option for me so I didn't research how it is done. It seems like abuse, especially for that length of time!
post #2 of 106
Ummmm...I have a 10 month old and that's just heartless. I wouldn't do that to my 9 yr old! (or my husband for that matter!)
post #3 of 106


I've heard about people doing this with babies much younger than 10 months, though. 10 weeks in some cases.

post #4 of 106
It makes me want to vomitt
post #5 of 106
I saw a mom letting her DD scream in KMart today for nearly that long. She said to the older woman with her (grandma?) "Oh, she's BOSSY!" She was a newborn, clearly. Then when she FINALLY picked her up she said "I will change your diaper if you just stop all this nonsence!"
I imagine it is likely she screams alot at night too.
post #6 of 106
On one hand, some babies DO cry and "fuss" more than others, so it may NOT be that the baby is hungry, BUT I would never, ever let a baby CIO. Even if my little dude is crying for "attention," I figure he needs it otherwise he wouldn't be asking for it.
post #7 of 106
That is so very sad. :
post #8 of 106
I have mainstream friends who are otherwise great parents, yet somehow are not bothered by CIO. They casually mention that it only took 45 minutes the first night, and then only 5 or so thereafter. Forty-five seems to be the magic number, perhaps how long it takes to alter the baby's brain . Unfortunately, they now have toddlers who go to sleep far more easily than mine does, so my leading by example isn't doing much good.
post #9 of 106

hate CIO

Unfortunaly my sister, who is also ExtendedB (now 19 month old), and her husband, also apply a CIO technique: if baby/child does not subside crying (=falling asleep) in 20 minutes (they actually watch the clock!) they go and pick her up!
On top of that hey have the nerve to tell us we (and especially my husband :-) pick ours up much too quickly when they cry or are upset, or do not sleep.

Unfortunately wit my ppi I myself have been having (and still have) much difficulty with dealing with a crying baby or waking baby, and got sometimes 'comments' from my unsuspecting HB, but I did not find myself in this situation willingly, nor did ever I plan to let my kid 'academically underbuilt' CIO!

Sometimes when a kid cries nothing you can do to comfort (eg mine at 7-8 montths in supermarket, so that was 'getting necessary shopping over with ASAP and get OUT! (or leave without even buying necessities :-)' the reason was his suddenly hating the supermarket and all the people around :-). Everyone looking and commenting, and talking to him, making it worse! Next time he felt perfectly happy in the shopping cart :-) Pfff.

LinaLina supporting ,
21m old:
3,5y old
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post #10 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by tubulidentata2 View Post
I have mainstream friends who are otherwise great parents, yet somehow are not bothered by CIO. They casually mention that it only took 45 minutes the first night, and then only 5 or so thereafter.
It's really quite surprising that CIO isn't actually controversial at all for many people. It's not viewed as a last-resort, desperate measure (in which case I still don't agree with it, but can empathize, I suppose) - it's viewed as necessary "training" to ensure babies are able to "put themselves to sleep" and "self-settle" etc etc

:
post #11 of 106
My sister in law does that CIO bs. I hate it, and they had the nerve to call me at nap time- while my niece was screaming in her cage and I was silently crying. My milk would let down every time, and I finally had to ask that they not call if my niece was crying like that.

They now have a toddler that is emotionally disconnected, ANGRY, defiant, and to top it all off she won't tell her mom anything- she will wait for my brother (and he's not much better) to get home. They had a neighbor that was beating her up (she isn't 3 yet!) and her mom saw what was happening, called the neighbor to another room and disciplined him, and my niece wouldn't tell her anything. My brother asked the girl and she told him. Show's how much distrust she now has for her mother.

You know, some CIO children do go to bed well, however they don't express themselves and they have learned distrust at a very crucial age. Be glad that you toddler is free enough to say "Hey! I'm too little for this....I NEED you!" and be glad that you know how to listen. Just another form of love, if you ask me.
post #12 of 106
30 minutes would be consider a great success by mainstream folk. It's the 'stubborn' ones that take hours. :
post #13 of 106
30 minutes is standard CIO. I did witness a friend of mine CIO her little 5 months old dd, while mine was nursing away happily the whole evening. It was soooo heartbreaking, the poor thing cried and cried... the mom would go and pick her up then put her down every 10 min.. otherwise she would shut the door so we could have dinner... it went on for at least 40 min... and they had to do this for a month.... arrggghhh..... She was sorry for her little girl, but she was convinced it was the only way... like macca says, for her own good, and yeah, years after this, her kids sleep better than mine, they always always are in bed at exactly 8 o' clock every night, they do not go to mom and dad's bed at night and so on.... she achieved a lot in those evenings that she was without her kids, for herself, her husband and the community... Her relationship to her husband is still very romantic, they really have every night for one another, and it has been that way non-stop... even when their 3 kids were really little... She also could do night time courses and advance professionally. Straighten up her house so no need to spend money on cleaners. Had lots of friends over with no fear of disturbing the kids... In spite of all these goodies, how can anyone do that, I do not know. I still cannot hear my kid cry at any time without running to comfort them and they're 5 and 6. I On the other hand, another mom CIOed the baby and now he has a toddler bed he is out of the toddler bed and around the flat as soon as she puts him down.... so all that crying was also for nothing .. just so sad
post #14 of 106
I think it is just horrible to let a little one CIO. I can't bear to hear my 9 month old cry for any reason. I really don't understand how anyone can listen to their baby scream and do nothing. It is frustrating! I am at my wit's end with my baby not sleeping, but would never let him CIO. And all I hear every day is how I will eventually not have a choice if I want him to sleep. People are crazy...:
Emily
post #15 of 106
My LO was CIO in arms this week due to a pacifier weaning She did great and spent more time nursing then crying! But when she WAS crying I kept thinking the neighbors were going to call child protective services on us or something. It FELT so horrible and I was holding her! Making a baby/child CIO out ALONE sounds like grounds for removal if you ask me.
post #16 of 106
10 months is old compared to what a lot of people do. I have known parents to use it on teeny tiny newborns.
post #17 of 106
:
post #18 of 106
These threads on CIO make me so sad : I probably shouldn't even read them. 30 minutes? 45 minutes? How can they stand it?
post #19 of 106
on the mainstream board I go to, someone posted recently about having to use an industrial fan to block out the noise of her child, who CIO for 3 hours. THREE HOURS!
post #20 of 106
Its sad...and its quite common

What really worries me though is that 'these' mothers spend so much time and money doing research and buying the best buggy, cot, bouncer chair, swing, clothes, etc.... But when it come to this. They dont think. They dont research. They just do it. And if they are not sure...they will only ask 'How do you do it?' (yet - on a side not - when it comes to 'my parenting' techniques, they want 'proof' and 'research' thats its 'better/good/etc'...but wont even think twice about leaving their child to cry like that!!!....it makes me so frustrated, angry and sad all at the same time! ugh!!!)
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