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Is this really how they do it. - Page 2

post #21 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by AoifesMom View Post
On my mainstream message board today one mother posted advice she got from her pediatrician regarding her 10 month old daughter. He says at this age a baby should not need to nurse at night so when baby wakes she should check her after two minutes of crying. If all seems ok, how can it be ok if baby is crying :, leave her to cry. He recommends checking on her every 30 minutes until she finally puts herself back to sleep.

I cannot believe anyone every lets their child cry themselves to sleep, but
I didn't realize anyone was cruel enough to let them cry alone in the dark for 30 minutes at a time! Is this standard for CIO. I always knew it wasn't an option for me so I didn't research how it is done. It seems like abuse, especially for that length of time!

YES, this is the way of mainstream pediatrics! when ds was 4mo, his pediatrian scolded and reprimanded me and dh for cospleeing. she EMPHATICALLY encouraged us to discontinue cosleeping AND to have ds sleep in his own room. The ped didn't call it cio, but instead "sleep training" as if that makes it better and more official sounding. The ped said that we should've started at 3mo, so that ds could SLOWLY get use to putting himself to sleep. And in her scolding tone said that just because we're behind in schedule doesn't mean that we can't catch up. When I told her that we were not interested in sleep training, she said that we can really hurt our baby bc cosleeping can be dangerous. She also said "you'll be sorry" while literally shaking her finger like we were toddlers. Clearly this is a sensitive topic for me... I beleive that peds need to practice more discretion around disseminating what they believe are the "right" parenting choices. Our ped made our lives miserable and made us feel like terrible parents.
post #22 of 106
yeah, that's pretty standard. although lots of people check at more frequent intervals, at least to start with. 30 minutes sounds like a long time to me. a lot can happen in 30 minutes.

also, it bugs the everloving crap out of me when pedis tell people that their kids should no longer need to nurse after x age, that they're no longer hungry. if i can be hungry in the middle of the night at age 28, who's to say a baby can't? and how can a pedi (or ANYONE) possibly EVER know if someone else is hungry? it's just not possible to know that!!!
post #23 of 106
im glad to know im not the only one who just couldnt do this... i couldnt even do it when i babysat as a teenager and the kids cried... i'd always go get them right away! (well, unless they cried for like literally 30 seconds and then went back to sleep, thats different, ya know?)

i just dont understand how people can do it... :
post #24 of 106
CIO truly breaks my heart. A good friend of mine swears by it, though when they moved, when their baby girl is sick, etc, then she and her dh "allow" dd to sleep in their bed. She talks about how they have to get her used to sleeping by herself again once things are settled. : I feel so sad for her baby girl. She also weaned her at 4 months so she could 'have her body back'. She thinks I'm a loon for sleeping with my ds...and breastfeeding...and delaying solids...etc...etc...

An older friend of mine (who co-slept with her babies forever), tells me every once in a while of how her brother and sil used to LOCK THE DOOR to their little girl's room so that she couldn't come in to bother them. She would scratch at the door trying to get out. All because their doctor told them to. : : : Needless to say at age 18 she is VERY emotionally scarred. As an older child, she used to gnaw on the backs of her hands. Sorry to tell that awful story, and it's quite extreme, but it goes to show how much damage it can do to an otherwise beautiful life
post #25 of 106
The worst story I have ever heard was an aquaintance of mine who left her ^6 WEEK OLD PREMATURE baby to cry. She said "That's it, I"m putting you on a schedule. And do you know that that little girl, not even eight pounds, cried for THREE HOURS! She's so stubborn. It was better the next night, it only took a week and a half." : Poor little thing was probably hungry!
post #26 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by seoul_mama View Post
I beleive that peds need to practice more discretion around disseminating what they believe are the "right" parenting choices. Our ped made our lives miserable and made us feel like terrible parents.
i am so sorry Seoul Mama! I really wonder why pediatricians do that. I am not Catholic, but the church around here does a lot, a lot for educating parents re. CIO. The local authority's departments in charge of young children and health make a point about sending you very detailed CIO guides as soon as you're back home from the hospital with the baby. It is such a conspiracy. It is horrible, especially that for me it was a sacrifice to spend so much so much time parenting my kids to sleep and it was not easy on so many levels yk and plus evey mom around me was CIO and had plenty of time to themselves.... but for all this I am so, so happy I never let them cry...
post #27 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley View Post
Its sad...and its quite common

What really worries me though is that 'these' mothers spend so much time and money doing research and buying the best buggy, cot, bouncer chair, swing, clothes, etc.... But when it come to this. They dont think. They dont research. They just do it. And if they are not sure...they will only ask 'How do you do it?' (yet - on a side not - when it comes to 'my parenting' techniques, they want 'proof' and 'research' thats its 'better/good/etc'...but wont even think twice about leaving their child to cry like that!!!....it makes me so frustrated, angry and sad all at the same time! ugh!!!)
Ask her to provide YOU with "proof" and "research" about CIO. And her doctor "telling her to" doesn't count. That might change her mind (or likely not, but at least you tried!).
post #28 of 106
Yeah, I've heard that 30 minutes is a good timeframe from many people who CIO. I have one kinda friend who told me that her ds1 cried for 3 hours the first night and after a while she had to put in earplugs. He was 3 months old. It breaks my heart. I sometimes feel jealous of all my friends and their babies who instantly go to sleep when they are put in a crib and sleep for 12 hours undisturbed, until I see all our kids together and realize how much different my kids temperments are overall. They need me, they love me, they trust me. They're little, it's in the survival instincts.
post #29 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinklefae View Post
The worst story I have ever heard was an aquaintance of mine who left her ^6 WEEK OLD PREMATURE baby to cry. She said "That's it, I"m putting you on a schedule. And do you know that that little girl, not even eight pounds, cried for THREE HOURS! She's so stubborn. It was better the next night, it only took a week and a half." : Poor little thing was probably hungry!


That is really, really horrible.
post #30 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by AoifesMom View Post
I cannot believe anyone every lets their child cry themselves to sleep, but I didn't realize anyone was cruel enough to let them cry alone in the dark for 30 minutes at a time!
Of course they're not crying alone in the dark- in a room with a nightlight! And how can they be "alone" in a cribful of cuddly toys? [/sacrasm]

At least the dr recomends checking them after 2 minutes, and then every 30 thereafter, to minimize the chance of the parents missing something seriously wrong with the baby.

I remember an aquaintance telling me about letting her 5mo baby cry for 2+ hours completely alone, and how he only cried an hour the 2nd and 30 minutes the 3rd before he finally gave up and turned to his crib bumper for comfort instead of his mother. And how he didn't sleep the whole week they were out of town because they didn't pack the crib bumper. At age 4 he still took the bumper w/ him everywhere, and still slept w/it every night at age 6. She did NOT see the connection between CIO and his obsession w/ this object.
post #31 of 106
I had so many jealous feelings about other's whose babies went to sleep so easily and slept the whole night through. I knew there was a huge price to pay, but the outcome seemed so delicious compared to my chronic state of extreme sleep-deprivation.

Now that my oldest is nearly 5 and my youngest is 1.5, I can look back at those early months and am so happy that I responded immediately to my babes at every turn. The results speak for themselves...my kiddos have no fear of going to bed and they know that if they need us day or night, we're there.

I know that I'll sleep better...some day! And that's enough to know for now. The most important thing is that my kids feel safe and secure and know they can count on me no matter what. I think it's the greatest gift.
post #32 of 106
How sad. It really makes me sick . I've heard a similar stories many times before. I wish people wouldn't listen to their dumb doctors.
post #33 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by readytobedone View Post

also, it bugs the everloving crap out of me when pedis tell people that their kids should no longer need to nurse after x age, that they're no longer hungry. if i can be hungry in the middle of the night at age 28, who's to say a baby can't? and how can a pedi (or ANYONE) possibly EVER know if someone else is hungry? it's just not possible to know that!!!


UGH SERIOUSLY. I wake up hungry in the middle of the night ALL THE TIME. So why shouldn't I expect the same from the little one?
post #34 of 106
That crib bumper story made me cry...it makes me want to go wake up my DS and hold him! Someone actually told me to Ferber-ize my 4 MONTH OLD!!!!! I about choked when they suggested it and did not even know what to say. I don't think I want to be friends with these people anymore!
post #35 of 106
It's so sad. : I remember when my sister was a baby and she was crying, I went to my mom who was in the kitchen and told her the baby was crying, and she said: "let her cry, it's good for her lungs." :
I just don't know how a mom can ignore her instincts, especially with a newborn. Just now, my DS was crying while I was changing a diaper on DD. I felt so bad he had to cry till DD had her diaper on.
post #36 of 106
It's sickening. :

Someone just posted on my mainstream birthboard this morning about how her ped told her that her baby doesn't need to eat at night and she is just going to let her "scream all she wants" tonight, despite the babe acting "starving" and eating an 8 oz bottle when she wakes up. Our babies are only 6 months old. It's terrible and I feel sorry for all these poor babes.
post #37 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by AoifesMom View Post
On my mainstream message board today one mother posted advice she got from her pediatrician regarding her 10 month old daughter. He says at this age a baby should not need to nurse at night so when baby wakes she should check her after two minutes of crying. If all seems ok, how can it be ok if baby is crying :, leave her to cry. He recommends checking on her every 30 minutes until she finally puts herself back to sleep.

I cannot believe anyone every lets their child cry themselves to sleep, but
I didn't realize anyone was cruel enough to let them cry alone in the dark for 30 minutes at a time! Is this standard for CIO. I always knew it wasn't an option for me so I didn't research how it is done. It seems like abuse, especially for that length of time!

It's been a long time since DS was a baby but I remember them giving me this 'advice', along with telling me that I could even expect my child to VOMIT because they were crying so hard but that it was somehow OK and after a couple nights of this, he'd be sleeping through the night.

I don't even know how many well-child checks I'm going to go to this time if my baby is healthy, because as I remember, a LOT of their advice was not good - including them telling you to WEAN off breastmilk right at a year to cow's milk and also very mainstream carseat advice (to turn baby at 20 lbs and a year, for example.
post #38 of 106
It makes me so mad. I allowed my mom to take my DD for one night about a month ago. When I went to pick her up the next day, i knew something was different. We went somewhere and by the time we got home, my DD was sleeping. I tried to move her to her bed asleep, but she woke up. So I brought her downstairs with me. When my sister (16y/o) saw her she asked why she wasn't sleeping. I said she woke up (duh!). She asked why i didn't leave her up there to sleep,
I said "she woke up" (duh again)
"so why not just leave her there. she is tired"
"Leave her to....."
"let her cry. She is tired"
I was livid. "we do NOT leave her ALONE in her bed CRYING for ANY reason. Would you like it if I left you to cry in your bed alone in the middle of the day?"
I am sure she felt like crap after that, but it was necessary. I reiterated to my mom later that we do not believe in CIO and if she couldn't get my DD to sleep any other way, she would not be allowed to have her overnight again. Idiots. I was so pissed. My mom later told me how "bad" she had been that night because she woke (gasp) 2 times. I was like, really only 2 times, she normally does 3-5 for us.

Since then, in a bit more than a month, she is going to bed with out a fuss. She is asleep every night at 8pm + or - 15 mins. She sleeps mostly thought the night and only wakes once to eat. My mom thinks it is because she let her CIO. I hate her for that. i believe it is because she is finally ready for it. She will be a year old tomorrow.
post #39 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by JavaFinch View Post
It's been a long time since DS was a baby but I remember them giving me this 'advice', along with telling me that I could even expect my child to VOMIT because they were crying so hard but that it was somehow OK and after a couple nights of this, he'd be sleeping through the night.
Yeah, I've heard that too. That the more "fiesty" babies may even vomit from the crying and all you do is go in, wipe them down without making any eye contact, and leave the room again

Quote:
I don't even know how many well-child checks I'm going to go to this time if my baby is healthy, because as I remember, a LOT of their advice was not good - including them telling you to WEAN off breastmilk right at a year to cow's milk and also very mainstream carseat advice (to turn baby at 20 lbs and a year, for example.
Yeah, I was told to supplement with formula when DD was a newborn, because she wanted to feed too frequently :
post #40 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by seoul_mama View Post
YES, this is the way of mainstream pediatrics! when ds was 4mo, his pediatrian scolded and reprimanded me and dh for cospleeing. she EMPHATICALLY encouraged us to discontinue cosleeping AND to have ds sleep in his own room. The ped didn't call it cio, but instead "sleep training" as if that makes it better and more official sounding. The ped said that we should've started at 3mo, so that ds could SLOWLY get use to putting himself to sleep. And in her scolding tone said that just because we're behind in schedule doesn't mean that we can't catch up. When I told her that we were not interested in sleep training, she said that we can really hurt our baby bc cosleeping can be dangerous. She also said "you'll be sorry" while literally shaking her finger like we were toddlers. Clearly this is a sensitive topic for me... I beleive that peds need to practice more discretion around disseminating what they believe are the "right" parenting choices. Our ped made our lives miserable and made us feel like terrible parents.
I hope you fired that pediatrician. :
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