At what age does a child need his/her own room?

[Trillian]

Currently my DS (15 months) does not have his own room. He shares our bedroom and we keep all his toys in the living room. We do have a second bedroom in our apartment, but it is currently being used as a study and guest bedroom, and it would be easiest for us to keep it that way until we can move into a bigger space. However, that might not be until DS is 3 or older. So I am just curious - at what age to kids start to need/want personal space and privacy?

ETA: Just to clarify, I mean a bedroom separate from the parents' bedroom, though future kids may share.

[crazydiamond]

Well, I really think it has a lot to do with the family dynamic and child's personality.

I chose 2, because that's when my DD wanted to sleep in her bed in her room. But I'm sure the fact that it was already set up as her room had a lot to do with it. She was also never very big on co-sleeping and around a year of age, started sleeping in a PnP in our room. I also don't think she was motivated by wanting privacy or personal space -- it was probably novelty more than anything else.

But if you're still co-sleeping and there's no room that screams "This is MY room" to your DS, then the thought of a separate room will probably never cross his mind. In that case, I think it will be many years before he asks for his own room.

I think most kids will want and need their own space by 8-10 years, but I don't know how many will want it long before then. At this age, it'll because they seek privacy and personal space, I would think.

[PiePie]

i answered never because if we have a 2nd kid they will have to share. and i'm okay with that. i live in nyc and i have a friend with 2 dds ages 5 and 3 and they all live together in a 1 br! it's all a matter of perspective. on the privacy question, it depends on the individual child, but concern for privacy is supposed to be an indication of readiness to potty learn per brazelton. i wouldn't expect it before 2.

[Nature]

I voted never, because I have three girls. If they share a room, they share a room.

If we have a boy, I imagine by the age of 8 or so they'd start wanting their own privacy. But even then.. we have a bathroom. I dont think separate sleeping rooms are needed if it doesn't fit your family.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by Trillian

ETA: Just to clarify, I mean a bedroom separate from the parents' bedroom, though future kids may share.

Oops -- I misvoted. In that case, I'd say when they're ready to stop cosleeping, then they need their own room (or to share with a sibling). I would have died if my mom made me share her room as a teenager.

[Nature]

Oooooh... um, whenever they're ready to stop co-sleeping then. You can discount my "never" vote. I love them and all, but I hope they sleep in their own bed someday.

[Alyantavid]

Our 17 month old shares our room in a pack and play. We coslept until 10ish months and then found out we all slept better apart. I'm ready for him to move into his own room. He moves constantly in his sleep and grunts and groans and I wake up to every sound. We'll be moving at some point but until then he's with us. My older son's room is just too small to move him in there.

[Trillian]

Originally Posted by Nature

Oooooh... um, whenever they're ready to stop co-sleeping then. You can discount my "never" vote. I love them and all, but I hope they sleep in their own bed someday.

Oh, I hope DS sleeps in his own bed someday too! Actually he only shares our bed about half the night as it is - he starts the night in a crib in our bedroom and then moves to our bed after the first or second night waking. We have been thinking of just replacing the crib with a toddler bed in our room when he is ready for it.

[Trillian]

Originally Posted by PiePie

i live in nyc and i have a friend with 2 dds ages 5 and 3 and they all live together in a 1 br! it's all a matter of perspective.

That's cool - I'm glad to know it works for some families. Sounds cozy!

Originally Posted by PiePie

on the privacy question, it depends on the individual child, but concern for privacy is supposed to be an indication of readiness to potty learn per brazelton. i wouldn't expect it before 2.

Interesting.

[orangefoot]

My 14 yo is starting to get irked sometimes at sharing with his 10yo brother although they get on well. Unfortunately he doesn't have a choice at the moment. Dd is almost 5 and still in our room as is our 14mo and that won't change until we can buy a bigger house.

ETA I don't think little people need their own room to sleep in until they are happy to choose that for themselves. A place to hang out in, keep their stuff in, create lego masterpieces in and have 5 minutes peace from siblings may become a need sooner though depending on the size and dynamic of the family.

[onlyzombiecat]

I voted age 5 because that is when my dd really started expressing a desire for privacy and personal space. She had her own room before that though.

I took the question to mean a room seperate from the parents not necessarily a room seperate from siblings. My dd will not have siblings so it isn't an issue. I grew up sharing a room with my older sister and it was hardest during the teenage years- especially when she was a teenager and I wasn't.

I would just let your children's preferences be your guide.

[Mary-Beth]

I voted "never" because I don't consider a private bedroom a "need."
If you have the space and want to provide him his own room that is fine. But it certainly isn't a problem or in any way less desirable for a child to share sleeping space with his family.
I wouldn't concern myself with this especially with a child this young.
Both you and he may want his own sleeping space someday- a place to store toys or for him to listen to his own music or whatever. I'm thinking 7, 8, +years.
But again, not a "need" to stress about.

[bobandjess99]

Honestly, a person does not "NEED" their own space. That is a luxury we take for granted here in the US in particular, but as far as being a true human need....bah! In many societies around the world, even some developed nations, large families live together in very small living units/apts where there might only be 1 or 2 rooms to the entire "house" , etc.
I would say that, in general, a seperate bedroom would become a stronger WANT by about age 5-6 for some kids, later for others....certainly in our society, I would not expect a child to sleep in a parents room after about 8-10 at the very latest, it would be extremely culturally weird, and possibly elicit governmental involvement......

But you are talking about a much younger child, at 3, I would honestly think it would be a very rare child who would want to be away from his parents....

[honeybee]

Well, I replied "never" because I think it is a very class/culturally biased question. Many, many other cultures never have separate sleeping quarters and historically families have often shared one big room. So, I don't think a child necessarily "needs" or "should" have their own room at all.

But, in our American, middle-class, space-hogging suburbian home, ds1 moved into his own room a few months after age 2. However, at age 4 he still comes into our bed in the middle of the night most of the time.

[Imogen]

I didn't actually vote for anything... I co-slept with my son until he was 3 yrs old, he's now 3.5yrs old. We basically asked him before decorating the room if this is what he wanted and he was excited about the prospect.

I think children tend to communicate when they're 'ready'. Of course, if they're still sharing your bed when they turn the age of 25yrs old, there's a problem




Peace

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by bobandjess99

....certainly in our society, I would not expect a child to sleep in a parents room after about 8-10 at the very latest, it would be extremely culturally weird, and possibly elicit governmental involvement......
.

I was thinking this way, and voted 8.

[ann_of_loxley]

This is a tough one!

I once did a survey on siblings sharing rooms. The consensus (sp? lol) for that was that around the age of 10 - children start to want their own space.

Your question is slightly different though. But perhaps it could be the same. I personally think its nice to have a bit of space. My ds is over 2 and still sleeps with us, but is nice for him to have his own room to well..have his bit of space what he can call 'his' and where most of his toys are! lol If we didnt have that room, I dont know how we would fit all our stuff into the house - so really the room is a 'store' room. Also - he does have a bed in there so he has his own freewilled option of sleeping in his own bed or sleeping with us. He does both. So in that respect - I think 2 is around when they need their own room...more as a bit of their own choosing space. But if a child isnt used to otherwise and is given other ways of having their own space, their own corner in the house so to speak...then perhaps this could be delatyed. Your family, but imo - I dont see anything wrong with your child not having his own 'room' until hes over 3 if thats what you have to do! There are children in far poorer countries that dont even have that!

[merpk]

When we lived in NYC we had a small apartment and our bed ... futons pushed together on the floor, wall-to-wall ... had me, DH and our b'H 4 kids in it.


Then we moved last year and we're in a bigger apartment but the bedroom (and our bedspace) is much smaller. So my oldest was 8/9-ish when he left the family bed for good (this year) and my next-oldest just did at 7/8-ish, and while privacy was an issue for them both, the overriding factor was more a need to not feel squished anymore. (Because of the smaller bedspace, that is.)



FWIW my DH's mother slept in a bed with her two sisters until they were all in their 20s. (Their family was very poor.) Privacy may be an issue, but in situations of necessity, it gets overriden, right?



When you and your child are done with the family bed, you'll know it, IMO. But there's no reason to push it out of some sense that he's missing out on something, you know?

[mamarhu]

ElderSon slept in the family bed till he was about 8, BigGirl moved out at 4, YoungSon (special needs) still sleeps with me at 11 (although he has his own room), and I certainly hope the government is never looking in my house to see who sleeps where!!!

Each of my kids is so different, and I am glad I let them make these decisions themselves. I waited for each to ask, but had the space available. If it were not available, I don't think it would have been an issue. ElderSon became self-conscious about it at 7 or 8, when he noticed friends had their own rooms. That was when he asked for his own space. YoungSon has no interest in public opinion (autism spectrum) and sleeps on a pad next to my bed, his suggestion. He is welcome there till he is 75. BigGirl was so independent from the start, that I am surprised she lasted to 3 in the family bed.

As a foster parent, I am subject to a certain amount of governmental scrutiny, and need to have a separate bed for each child. And I regret that I cannot let my foster daughter (7 YO) climb into bed with me when she is lonely or afraid (she has a pad on the other side of my bed). If I end up adopting her, I would invite her in with me if she felt comfortable with that.

[kblackstone444]

I voted from birth, but I'd say somewhere between birth and one year old, a child should have his or her own space, not neccesary his or own room, but his or her own space. My son had his own room when he was about 6 months old, but he slept with me until he was six and then on and off until he was 8. I can't imagine him at 6 not having his own space for his things and, honestly, I needed my own private space as well. But I let him cosleep at night until he was ready to go into his room fuultime.