Help!Tired and tired of defending ap life

[Staceyhsmom1]

Hi! I am fairly new to living an ap life. It does seem to fit our family nicely. My dd, MAegan Rain, just 5months today, is so sweet! However this week she completely tired me out, I'm exhausted, my back is aching! my 'balance' is so off track! She wanted to be held constantly and seemed to want me to hold her so she could explore or coo at other people, which is usually fine, but it was non-ending. I wore her in a sling as much as possible, like 1 hr a day(my back is so sore! I have a wrap on order for carrying her on my back with two shoulder supports). I bf and co-sleep too. I think she may be teething too.

this is what she does, she will sleep while eating 20 minutes or so, then -poof, she's all wide awake and smiling again, and I'm relaxed and hoping she'd stay asleep! Everyday this week she has taken 1 hr nap and about another hours worth of naps while bf. She will go to bed between 8-10 and be up2 or 3 more times to feed, which once I'm in bed is easy, I am used to flipping over and falling back to sleep.
Well, I can see the big picture, this will all be over all too soon! But when I tell my dear sis, she encourages me to leave the baby to fuss and cry so I can get stuff done. I can't convince her in any way shape or form how wrong I feel that is. She has started saying the baby is manipulating me, and I know I've read somewhere babies are incapable of doing this. When I say 'getting stuff done', it's not only the dishes, etc but bills that will soon be late, deadline things, etc. I also work at home 40 hrs in 4 days.
I feel that all the books, classes, etc out there about ap life is to help us have come backs to people who aren't ap!

What do you tell your family when defending ap?
I need a break but my dd doesn't know this, what can I do!?

[Elphaba]

well, this may sound harsh, but i wouldn't tell unsupportive people about any issues i am having. everyone wants to help you, and wants the best for your baby and you, so of course they're going to tell you to do what they did or what their friends did.
stop bringing up your sleep difficulties with your sister. if you don't tell her you are having problems, she won't want to fix them and then you won't be in defensive mode.
come here and tell US when you are so tired you could die! tell US when you are sick of the sling! we've been there, and we can sympathize without telling you to change your whole lifestyle.

now, it sounds like your sling isn't working for you. a different carrier may be in order. there are dozens of styles to choose from. not all slings are comfortable. i had that stupid nojo one and it was mediocre at best. there are some really good ones out there, you just have to look for them. also, you might want to try a hip carrier, or the baby trekker. the baby trekker can be worn front or back and the baby can face in or out, so it's quite versatile.
and get some hylands teething tablets! they may be able to help relieve her gum pain enough so that she can get some REAL rest.

[Lucky Charm]

well, this may sound harsh, but i wouldn't tell unsupportive people about any issues i am having.

I agree. Its probably the worse thing you can do.

I think part of the reason i have never had others give me a hard time about AP, is because i rarely talk about it, and i most certainly would not complain that my 5 yr old is still coming in to bed with us....that would be "asking for it".

[hipumpkins]

I am not full fledged AP b/c I don't Co-sleep. However, I never let my daughter CIO and people like to shake their heads at me. you know...Poordumb mama look. So now, when people who give me advice I don't need, ask about her sleeping, I just say she sleeps pretty well. It's hard b/c I work late at night one day a week and I don't want to seem tired b/c my boss is a big know it all and I certainly don't want her advice. She believes I spoil my daughter who is just 9 mos. So I guess what I am trying to say is lie if you have to to avoid an uneceesary conflict.

[Staceyhsmom1]

thank you! I guess I don't see myself as complaining to my sister, but she is very inquizative(sp?) and I love to gloat about dd. I will use this board more often, as I just made it thru another day of endless but beautiful interactions with dd. I truely enjoy her and don't mind putting off stuff to be with her, but a weeks worth of screaming when I go to the bathroom has been making me wonder if she is too needy of me. I know this is impossible and she is fine when she is fine, but I have moments more than once a day when I just cry cuz by the time I do get a 5 minute break from her(Like now) I am so frazzled, exhausted, etc I just can't think straight to do the importnat things and I end up coming here . I also can't tell if the teething tablets are working or cold teethers cuz she still wants me.

[0cean]

Wow!
Sounds like you have a non napper! My first is like that. Although even good nappers go through periods like that too.

At this age I find it hard to ever expect a baby to feel ok about being alone, because they are much more aware of the world yet still so uncapable of even the most basic defenses. in a natural social environment your sis, friend, mom, cousin.. someone would be there to hold her while you go to the bathroom, and take care of your other jobs and needs.

At this time I just meet their constant needs for security as much as possible without getting so behind in bills our electricity is shut off and such a dirty kitchen that we all get sick! I use a bouncy seat for going to the bathroom/showering most of the time, the running water seems to give them peace with me in sight. And now with my third I use my sling a lot.

I also agree that you must not have found the sling for you. Slings are wonderfull lifesavers if you can find a good fit but they do take practice for me finding good positions, even the slightest adjustment can make a big deal in comfort. Like anything new too, even a good fit may require some muscle work that could make you a bit sore untill your body is used to it.

It probably wont be long before she is spending much of her day crawling around exploring the house! I think it was around 5 months that mine usually enjoy batting around those hanging rattles and stuff, and start trying to scoot themselvs around. If you were in easy sight while she does stuff like that maybe you could buy some time.

shayna ~mama
cassidy 4/99
ian 6/01
oliver 6/03

[sea island mama]

Can you get some help? You don't mention a dh (dp?). If there isn't one around, maybe a neighbour or even your sister could come over for a while & give you a break. Like Ocean said, in other times there would be family members around to help out. No-one should be expected to be with a baby 24/7 & not go crazy!

[Staceyhsmom1]

Thanks for your great advice!
Actually there is a dh, an awesome at that! But our timing is so off! He has been leaving for work by 6am the earliest, coming home around 4 or 5 to work on the house until 5:30 then bring ds to football from 6-8pm Mon- Fri! We just have too much going on and he is really sweet and patient(for the time being ) We have had one thing break after another around our home this year, luckily he is mechanical and can fix it himself, currently he is shoveling dirt around our house to bring the ground up to level for a soon to be wrap around deck. The deck is being put in by someone else on someone else's schedule, se he has to get it done in time. He doesn't complain about a messy house, he just wants his work clothes done. He's even made his own lunch for the past 2 months, something he hasn't done in 9 years!
We also have a 9 yr old son whom loves his lil sis and will hold her and try to amuse her for me, but she cries for me! He is a big help and will try to do other things for me, like help with laundry or make lunch

Today was good so far, she was up at 6am, nursed at fell asleep around 11(she had nursed before too), but woke when she was done but then she played happily on floor for 40 min or so, then I held her and did stuff and she was yawning, so I brought her into the pool and walked around the pool with her(I was hot from weeding outside) and she was all relaxed, after 20 minutes she wanted out, so I held her and whiled I was drip-drying she fell asleep. I was able to change her into a dipe and put her down to nap. SHe fushed for a fraction of a second to nurse but settled down to sleep! And has been sleeping for an hour!

Do you ever push your baby to stay awake longer, hoping they'll sleep better?

[0cean]

occasionally I do keep them up hoping they will sleep better, but not untill they are older. and then I have read that that is a self defeating habit because it causes stress hormones to release and ultimatley the child will actually sleep worse rather than better and it will create a cycle of bad sleep/overtired cranky and restless child. I can say that I have had this happen with my dd, now 4, and that when she is on a pattern of being well rested, she actually sleeps better, and is happier all around.

I read this in an AP newsletter from my midwives office. Watch for signs of tiredness, It said that as soon as you notice your child is ready for a nap/bed get them into the naptime environment immediatley. Do NOT spend time doing one last thing, getting ready for nap or anything that will cause you to miss the window of opportunity. Soon you will be able to predict when they will be getting tired, and be prepared for it yourself. Regular patterns are gerat for getting more sleep in too. I am terrible at regular patterns! I am working on it, I know it helps a lot when I am.

shayna

[Staceyhsmom1]

thanks Shanya, that makes alot of sense. I am always looking for one more thing! But usually It's neccessary like going pee, getting water, things like that.
At night, like now, I bf til she is out cold, then lay her down in crib until I go to bed. Then sometimes I take her with me other times I wait until she wakes up, usually by 2 am and keep her with me til morn. Other times I bf til we are both out cold and I wake up in my day clothes, lol