i'm here sobbing my eyes out............my mother won't take megh to the nature museum cuz as she says she 'doesn't know any of THOSE people...' (its a meetup w/ our local AP group) well neither do i yet, but for petes sake they are AP mamas!!! it isn't ABOUT my mother. selfish bleepity bleep. oh but she will guilt trip ME if i say i just can't do this...i'll get the 'poor meghan...you promised her...' trip.
i'm having a hard time emotionally and physically i'm just wiped out and crabby as hell for some reason. megh needs more from me...and i am really at a low point here. i feel so empty. i hung up on my mother cuz all she seems to care about is herself today and her wanting to shower. megh is antsy and i have no patience. i really think i'm going to have to enroll her in a preschool program cuz i can't do this on my own. i am so freaking out here... then my mom tells me that that bleepity bleep ram rod of a guy (reminds me of tom...when tom was ready for something, he expected me to jump as high as he said...) who is the former vacation rental prop manager of this place i rent now. now i am renting from teh actual owner of the condo, not these jerk offs. well i have received an email back from him after i said do NOT just come over or call, i may be resting or laboring...blah blah and i said it very nicely and all......asking for respect basically......i asked for a list of what he needs to get out of here (i don't know if its stuff on the walls or sheets or what...) but to me it seems like not a big deal and he's making it out to be. i'm trying to rest and keep my sanity these last few days of pg and he keeps ram rodding. so there is still no list sent and all he wrote back was '3pm thursday will be fine. you would not know what is ours and what is freds' (meaning their stuff). how passive aggressive is THAT! i was so pissed i wrote back saying 'that time/day won't work for me. a list would be more convenient'. jerk. its like he wants total control and he could care less how i feel or when is convenient for me or what. i want to let loose on this pompous a*s. like don't you DARE ram rod me dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my mom is now on ME like please don't do this to me lisbeth susanne.....(she doesn't want to get on crappy terms w/ this jerk as he owns a lot of the condos here and she sees him in the board meetings, etc.) i'm like HELLO! i feel like CRAP and i don't want these people to come in here!!!!!!! he is being way too pushy and doesn't care about my needs... plus she won't take megh as she said she was going to shower (how friggin' long is THAT process?! she is so vain) and said she was standing there naked. so what. how DARE that prop management guy tell ME what time works for him w/out giving me a choice. god i hate men like this. i'm on a roll....i'm ready to pop. i feel like an awful mother and my mom won't even bring megh to the museum for me and help me out.
she obviously doesn't understand how i'm feeling...........very alone and scared and overwhelmed not to mention sick w/ strep on a new antibiotic, feeling like a sh*tty mother to meghan, and soon to birth my son. that's a lot on my heart/shoulders. i want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! this is just too much. i'm so angry.
i'm having a hard time emotionally and physically i'm just wiped out and crabby as hell for some reason. megh needs more from me...and i am really at a low point here. i feel so empty. i hung up on my mother cuz all she seems to care about is herself today and her wanting to shower. megh is antsy and i have no patience. i really think i'm going to have to enroll her in a preschool program cuz i can't do this on my own. i am so freaking out here... then my mom tells me that that bleepity bleep ram rod of a guy (reminds me of tom...when tom was ready for something, he expected me to jump as high as he said...) who is the former vacation rental prop manager of this place i rent now. now i am renting from teh actual owner of the condo, not these jerk offs. well i have received an email back from him after i said do NOT just come over or call, i may be resting or laboring...blah blah and i said it very nicely and all......asking for respect basically......i asked for a list of what he needs to get out of here (i don't know if its stuff on the walls or sheets or what...) but to me it seems like not a big deal and he's making it out to be. i'm trying to rest and keep my sanity these last few days of pg and he keeps ram rodding. so there is still no list sent and all he wrote back was '3pm thursday will be fine. you would not know what is ours and what is freds' (meaning their stuff). how passive aggressive is THAT! i was so pissed i wrote back saying 'that time/day won't work for me. a list would be more convenient'. jerk. its like he wants total control and he could care less how i feel or when is convenient for me or what. i want to let loose on this pompous a*s. like don't you DARE ram rod me dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my mom is now on ME like please don't do this to me lisbeth susanne.....(she doesn't want to get on crappy terms w/ this jerk as he owns a lot of the condos here and she sees him in the board meetings, etc.) i'm like HELLO! i feel like CRAP and i don't want these people to come in here!!!!!!! he is being way too pushy and doesn't care about my needs... plus she won't take megh as she said she was going to shower (how friggin' long is THAT process?! she is so vain) and said she was standing there naked. so what. how DARE that prop management guy tell ME what time works for him w/out giving me a choice. god i hate men like this. i'm on a roll....i'm ready to pop. i feel like an awful mother and my mom won't even bring megh to the museum for me and help me out.
she obviously doesn't understand how i'm feeling...........very alone and scared and overwhelmed not to mention sick w/ strep on a new antibiotic, feeling like a sh*tty mother to meghan, and soon to birth my son. that's a lot on my heart/shoulders. i want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! this is just too much. i'm so angry.
. Long deep breaths mama, I hope things get better.
: and here i am about to have another child any moment and i have no energy for it. not in the mood to hurt or have that discomfort. man i'm in quite a funky space......ick i hope i pull out of this soon...
You are lonely, but don't mistake that for needing a man. You just need a little human contact in your life.
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