How old was you child when...

[starlein26]

...s/he recognized that people have different skin colors?

Ds is 4 and has NO apparent awareness of this. I also haven't pointed people out as being aa or indian, should I be? I don't want to introduce a concept that he either doesn't notice or doesn't care about...

Thoughts?

[Tanlines]

Hmm well I also have a 4yo DD and she has no apparent awareness either. I don't focus on skin color at ALL with her.

[hubris]

DS1 is turning 5 soon and hasn't commented on skin tone. I think he notices it but I'm not sure it has meaning to himn outside of just being one way people can look different. He tends not to comment on physical differences in general.

[MyTwoAs]

My son is six and has not commented on it yet. My nephew, on the other hand, started talking about differences between people at two - it certainly made for some interesting moments hehe.

[Iris' Mom]

My experience was a bit different. I am Caucasian, and lived in Japan for 3 years. It convinced me that even very young infants could identify racial differences. It was amazing how babies would stare and stare at me, and I am really quite ordinary looking (or so I think ). I believe there have been studies on this, but I'm not sure. My kids were maybe 2 or 3, when they started verbalizing it. I guess dd noticed it more because we lived in a very homogenous suburb, whereas with ds, we were in NYC. It passed pretty quickly, like any other physical feature they picked up on. I wonder if you all live in diverse communities?

[GuildJenn]

We are white and live in a really multicultural neighbourhood, have had all kinds of kids in our playgroup, and as a family we try to be aware of and sensitive to diversity issues.

At 18 months old my son started signing "dirty" whenever he saw a darker-skinned individual, which made me so. embarassed. I. wanted. to. die. Then we hired a black nanny and he started calling every darker-skinned person - including his friends at playgroup - by her name. Then he learned the sign for brown and started using it. Then a few weeks ago when the "why" stage started he started pointing to people and saying "why brown?"

I do not know why some kids pick up on these things and others don't.

I'll trade with you on this one though. I don't mind tantrums etc. etc. but this is the ONE thing that makes me want to sink into the ground occasionally.

[starlein26]

Originally Posted by Iris' Mom

I wonder if you all live in diverse communities?

Are you thinking that constant exposure to diversity makes them less apt to notice differences? Or at least comment on differences?

[Iris' Mom]

The latter, I was guessing. For example, I'm sure my 6-yo has noticed that people have different colored eyes, but I can't think of him ever commenting on it. Or maybe I just don't notice it because I'm not on guard against "eyeism."

[sweetcheeks]

DS is 4.5 and hasn't commented on skin differences yet. We don't live in a overly diverse town. There's a little girl in his preschool class who is African-Canadian and he seems completely oblivious. One of the boys he plays w/on our block is First Nations. So it's not like he isn't exposed to people w/different skin colors. I just think he sees them as friends and someone fun to play with and that's fine by me!

[limabean]

Shortly before DS's 3rd birthday, he commented that a man who was here to repair something had "a brown face," which was interesting to me because he regularly plays with our African-American neighbors. I wonder what made him comment about this particular person's skin color.

[Kat_shoshin]

My DS is 8 months old and seems to at this age, be fascinated by difference.

He stares at and wants to go to 3 people that are not all that familiar to us:

DH's cousin with the really crazy curly red hair
DH's sister - the only one we know with think dark bangs
and DH's nephew - who is dark skinned

Most everyone else he is happy to see - but doesnt STARE at, you know?
Interested to see what he thinks as he gets older. My mom's friend's kid asked about brown people when he was 3. They laughed because he is brown too - and adopted into a fair skinned family - but before that, he hadn't noticed and never noticed his own skin tone.

[a-sorta-fairytale]

dd noticed very young. Our playgroup is all white kids mostly blond with blue eyes. We live in a state where that is the minority. Her cousins on my side of the family are all dark with black hair and brown eyes. So probably at 18 months she started talking about it. She asked which friends we were seeing and i said "cousins" and she said "my brown cousins?"
Then someone at another playgroup (also all white kids) adopted a boy from ethiopia. She then asked why A had dark skin. I said "because he is from ethiopia." She then said "ohhhh my cousins from thopia too?"
She is always pointing out that daddy is white and she is "brown like mama"
But um she isnt. She isnt super pale but i am def darker than her. But she also pretends to have green eyes like me too

[boatbaby]

It's funny how we view things through our grown up perspective. DS said to me at the park, I want to play with that black boy. I was stunned, automatically thinking of skin color, I didn't know DS knew these terms for people.
I looked around, didn't see any African American kids... hmmm. I said "I don't know what you mean, which boy?" It was a boy in a black jacket.

I now noticed he does this all the time, almost a verbal short cut. "Hey mom I like that yellow boy's bicycle" I say "I you mean the boy wearing the yellow shirt? yeah he has a nice bicycle!"

Once he even said, "that white boy wants to play on the slides with me, ok?" And it was an African American boy with -- you guessed it -- a white shirt on! :

[MyTwoAs]

Originally Posted by boatbaby

It's funny how we view things through our grown up perspective. DS said to me at the park, I want to play with that black boy. I was stunned, automatically thinking of skin color, I didn't know DS knew these terms for people.
I looked around, didn't see any African American kids... hmmm. I said "I don't know what you mean, which boy?" It was a boy in a black jacket.

I now noticed he does this all the time, almost a verbal short cut. "Hey mom I like that yellow boy's bicycle" I say "I you mean the boy wearing the yellow shirt? yeah he has a nice bicycle!"

Once he even said, "that white boy wants to play on the slides with me, ok?" And it was an African American boy with -- you guessed it -- a white shirt on! :

This is what my son does. Confusing from a grown-up's perspective at first but makes sense once we actually figure it out hehe.

[Alyantavid]

My son is almost 6 and has never mentioned skin color. He notices size and age but has never said anything about skin color. We live in an area that is predominantly white. There are a lot of Hispanic people and he knows all about Spanish vs English and is really wanting to learn Spanish, but other than the language, he hasn't asked about skin color.

[Ruthla]

I think my kids first noticed around age 5 or 6. I think around age 3 they first noticed physical differences: short vs long hair, lighter or darker skin tones, etc. but they didn't see people has being "different races." They simply saw light or dark skin, hair, etc on each person as individual characteristics.

Definitely do NOT go pointing people out when you're in public. It's rude to discuss people's appearance when you don't know them- if the child brings it up, you answer the questions honestly, but there's no reason to bring it up if he or she doesnt' notice.

Pointing out different shapes, sizes, colors, etc on TV shows or books is fine, as there's no risk of insulting strangers in the process.

[Jessy1019]

My five year old has noticed, but doesn't seem too interested or focused on it . . . I explained that in general, the color of your skin has to do with what part of the earth your ancestors are from, and she doesn't often point it out.

We do not live in a particularly diverse area, and most of our friends are white, FWIW.

Oh, and I also remember that as a baby, she was fascinated with darker skinned people. She grew out of that long before she could verbalize it, though.

[starlein26]

Originally Posted by boatbaby

It's funny how we view things through our grown up perspective. DS said to me at the park, I want to play with that black boy. I was stunned, automatically thinking of skin color, I didn't know DS knew these terms for people.
I looked around, didn't see any African American kids... hmmm. I said "I don't know what you mean, which boy?" It was a boy in a black jacket.

I now noticed he does this all the time, almost a verbal short cut. "Hey mom I like that yellow boy's bicycle" I say "I you mean the boy wearing the yellow shirt? yeah he has a nice bicycle!"

Once he even said, "that white boy wants to play on the slides with me, ok?" And it was an African American boy with -- you guessed it -- a white shirt on! :

:


My son does the same exact thing.

[starlein26]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

I think my kids first noticed around age 5 or 6. I think around age 3 they first noticed physical differences: short vs long hair, lighter or darker skin tones, etc. but they didn't see people has being "different races." They simply saw light or dark skin, hair, etc on each person as individual characteristics.

Definitely do NOT go pointing people out when you're in public. It's rude to discuss people's appearance when you don't know them- if the child brings it up, you answer the questions honestly, but there's no reason to bring it up if he or she doesnt' notice.

Pointing out different shapes, sizes, colors, etc on TV shows or books is fine, as there's no risk of insulting strangers in the process.

Yeah, now worries...I wasn't planning on saying "hey son, see that person over there (lots of pointing and gesturing)...he's considered aa..." but should I really even do that in books? Once I tried and that convo went NOWHERE...

[ceilydhmama]

We live in a very racially diverse area - so Maia started noticing last year when she was in kindergarten. Many of the kids in her small class are of mixed heritage and there are at least 10 ethnicities covered. The teacher (an Asian woman from south Africa) makes a point of celebrating each and every possible holiday and new year. Recently Maia started asking all her friends what the 'are.' Then she told me she wished either her dad or I was something else. When I asked why she told me it was because she would like more holidays and to be bilingual
I have no problem with her noticing - she sees it as a positive thing.