handling hitting at co-op preschool

[TudoBem]

I'm wondering how violent kids are handled at most co-op preschools.
We have a really aggressive child at ours who will literally stand in the path of the kids and repeatedly strike them as they pass.
The approach the parent workers are supposed to take is to ask the child to stop, encouraging the victim to say "no" to the hitter, and try to get the aggressor to understand that the victim doesn't like to be hit. There is no firm "no" said to the child, no separating them to a different part of the room/school, no repercussions at all. The parent workers are all busy working so they don't even see all of the violence that is happening. This aggressive child will literally stalk other children, chasing after them and repeatedly hitting them.
The teacher at our school refuses to take a firmer approach and encourages everyone to view every child in a fresh approach every day, meaning that no one should assume that since that child has been hitting since the first day that they will automatically hit every day (even though they have been).
I'm finding this approach terribly irresponsible and I feel the other kids are being endangered by this child's violence.
I've talked to other parents and many take the approach that "kids hit" as if that's just an inevitable so why bother dealing with it.
Every time I've approached the teacher with any concern she tells me that she's been doing her job for years and if I don't like the way things are handled that I can go to another school.
I know, there are tons of red flags. Believe me, if I could get into anything else I would but I'm #10 on several waiting lists already.

So how are violent kids handled at other co-ops? I don't know if mine is just totally bizarre or if this is the norm.

[kmeyrick]

I'm not in a co-op, but while little kids hit, chronic hitting IS a problem. Why stick your head in the sand for pattern behavior? I'd take your kid out. Everyone's being a weenie here, they just don't want a confrontation. Glad your kid's teacher is not in the justice system.

[LauraLoo]

I agree with kmeyrick -- take your child out. It isn't worth the long term issues. My ds was stalked by a biter in preschool and was bitten hard twice. I should have removed him but didn't, and consequently, ds has some major trust issues with teachers and classmates in general - still. He's now in 1st grade. How I wish I could turn back time.

[Starflower]

OP - We have done a co-op toddler group and we are in our 2nd (and last ) year at a co-op preschool.

In my experience, your co-op seems out of line. Each co-op we've been with has been very GD and respectful. Violence is never tolerated. We would focus on the feelings of the both the hitter and the victim and try to help create empathy for the victims. "Look at Joe. How do you think he feels when you hit him? Would it be OK for someone to do that to you?" This type of dialogue. And then suggest that they find another area or person to play with perhaps. If a child was continually violent they would definitely be redirected to an area where they couldn't harm anyone.

Since you have a teacher, IMO her job should include preventing violence and helping kids find appropriate alternatives to express their feelings.

Yes, kids hit sometimes, but it shouldn't be condoned through ignoring it. Keeping a safe environment for all people at the class is a huge priority. It sounds like your situation doesn't allow the children to have a safe learning environment - emotionally or physically.

Are the aggressive child's parents and the teacher trying to work on the behavior? I think if a situation such as this occurred at our co-op, the violent kids' family would be expected to work with the teacher to try to redirect this behavior.

I think it's completely bizarre that you are basically being told to leave if you don't like it. If anyone should possibly go, it's the aggressive kid and/or the teacher. Is you DC benefiting from preschool enough for it to be worth it to stay?

One reason we chose a co-op was to avoid situations like yours. They are way out of line. Personally, I don't think preschool is necessary, but DD wanted to go because she's very extroverted. I am now on the board at our preschool and am especially thrilled with our teacher and our parents this year.

Have you made a formal complaint to the board? Or would this end up just making your situation worse? Sorry I don't have much real advice to give you. I'm just a big fan of the co-op model and I'm very bothered by the way yours is handling things. :

Let us know what you decide to do. Good luck.

[joensally]

I'm the parent of a child who persistently hit and pushed kids, and went through a brief biting phase, at 3 and 4. I would be beside myself if his teachers had taken such an approach. This is extremely negative for the kids being hurt, but also very much so for the kid who's having problems with self-control and expression.

This boy could have sensory issues, impulse control issues, any number of things could be going on that would benefit from active remediation. And if the cause is just plain old who the kid is at this stage, he still needs the consistent support and guidance of the adults around him to find better ways of dealing with stuff. Ugh, good grief. I'm sorry, but this teacher is out to lunch imo, and is doing no one any favours here.

I would ask the teacher if she has any research to back up this approach, and I'd gently point out that it's not working so far. I would draw her attention to how the other kids are responding and (likely?) excluding or avoiding him. There are piles of research on bullying, cycles and social interactions among young children.

As to the every day is a fresh start, how does she rationalize how she deals with him once he does start hitting? This is a bogus argument - sure, when he comes in, treat him as though you anticipate success. But once he hits, you respond in a planned, systematic way.

My son was a chronic hitter/pusher ( and has SPD and impulse control issues. He NEVER would have done what you describe this boy doing - that's intentional and malicious. There's a huge difference between being reactive, not knowing what to do with your body and feelings when you're 3/4, and intentionally intimidating and harming others. Does your preschool work proactively on social skills? Do they use any social skills curriculum?

Does your community offer any early intervention services? Some jurisdictions have programs where an ECD specialist can come in observe, offer strategies, possibly even a onene worker.

If the teacher won't budge, and the board doesn't offer anything, I would not have my child attending. Another thing you could do is mention your concerns to other parents and you could collectively express your concerns.

[TudoBem]

These are all really good points.
What really bothers me in all of this is how unaware the parents are. They seem to just accept this kind of behavior which I can't understand.
And yes, any child who is chronically and continuously striking out at and stalking children has a really serious problem that needs to be addressed beyond just "please stop that, I don't think Johnny likes to be hit".
My son hasn't been pursued by this particular child but there's another one that really bothers him who pokes and pushes kids a lot. Apparently the older class at this school (2 years older than our class) is also plagued by violence by several kids. Why they don't get that what they're doing clearly isn't working if kids that have been at the school for 2 years already are not only still hitting but have escalated their violence is beyond me.
Do the parents come from violent backgrounds themselves? I just can't understand what type of people could simply accept this behavior.
I don't know how much my son is affected by this but I do feel like I should pull him out soon. You just never know how much is affecting them, in what way, and at what level. Their perceptions of the world are being formed at this age and this isn't the perception that I desire for him to have.