Question for a birth professional, re: OB practice lack of

[ldsmom06]

I am 34 wks pregnant and went through 3 OBs already and wen tback to my original that I had with my ds. I just found out that the head OB(my OB) fired 2 CNP, and an OB. HIs only other partner is going to be on maternity leave(due same time as me). What are the chances now for my VBAC? ALso what are my chances he will actually will be there for my delivery unless its a c/s? Also FYI I called his office 2x this week to go in and they were super rude and I couldn't get an appt! I origanally wanted a HBAC but dh decided against it. He just wasn't comfortable.

[JunipersMom]

Personally, the first thing that popped in my head was
'what's more important to you, your husbands comfort or a VBAC?'
Maybe in meeting a few homebirth midwives in your area your husband will come around (quickly) to the fact that it may be the only way to acheive a peaceful pregnancy and your best chance at the birth you are hoping for. Would he really want to take that away from you? You are creeping quickly to a time when you really wont have any choice left - so some very quick decisions are in order and if your already feeling stress from your caregiver - I would switch while you still have some time to both find comfort in your new situation.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

Your husband decided your birth place for you? Um, does he have a vagina? A uterus with a baby growing in it? Why does he get to decide this? I don't know what to tell a person who lets her husband make decisions that will cause her physical and emotional harm. I'd show him the studies on homebirth and tell him to work through his fears.

[AmieV]

We need more information. Is this OB pro-VBAC? Do the firings somehow impact that? You need to find out from him whether he'll be there at the birth...not us. Most practices nowadays have a rotating call schedule so you get who you get, but some OBs do still stay on call and deliver their patients. It's something for you to find out, and quickly.

With the VBAC climate as it is, I wouldn't try a hospital VBAC with any OB who wasn't actively in favor of it...not someone who says "you can try" or something else wishy washy. Why have you gone through 3 OBs? Are YOU uncomfortable with an HBAC or just DH? While I wouldn't be as harsh as some of the other posters, if you truly want a VBAC homebirth is your best chance of getting it. However, I understand if YOU are not comfortable with that. If it's just DH, I'd work on wearing down his resistance before giving up on that option.

If you can't even get an appointment right now, I'd say chances of him being at your birth are pretty bleak.

[1stimestar]

Why stick with OBs? If you are not comfortable or unable to have a homebirth, how about going to a family practice doc? They at least not surgeons. Good luck.

[babycatcher01]

There is a birth center near you wold he think about that? Also the question was rasied what more important to you. Major surgery is a big issue, it is your body and he needs to understand that. It would be safer for you to have a vbac at home unassisted IMO then get cut. I know some midwives in the area that you would be able to talk to or you can look on MMAs websight, www.michiganmidwives.org to find a midwife. This is a hard situation for you. The most important thing is that you feel safe and incontrole were ever it is you choose to birth. I hope things work out for you.

[homewithtwinsmama]

I origanally wanted a HBAC but dh decided against it. He just wasn't comfortable.[/QUOTE]


Girl... No vagina, no vote! Go back to your original plan!

[Da WIC Lady]

Ladies, please remember that while we are all strong women capapable of making decisions for ourselves, that the people in our lives that also have to live with the consequences of our decisions deserve some consideration. I believe this to be especially true of spouses. Coming to an agreement that everyone can live with is much better than not having your spouse's support when you may be needing it most.

OP, see if there is some middle ground or hit him with the facts and figures associated with hospital birth vs homebirth. (As I sit here in the hospital trying to get a baby out before dawn...) I wish I had the option of an attended home birth, or even a birthing center, but I wasn't able to find a practitioner who would take a VBAC under those circumstances.

Anna

[applejuice]

Yes, but the woman recovers from the caesarean section surgery, often alone without help, with a new baby to care for, balancing pain medications and antibiotics, not the husband.

I had a friend who hated her husband, momentarily, because he could walk out of the OR and she could not walk for days. Surgery, and the long recovery, from it wears on a marriage.

[Ironica]

Originally Posted by applejuice

Yes, but the woman recovers from the caesarean section surgery, alone, with a new baby to care for, balancing pain medications and antibiotics, not the husband.

For the first three weeks after my c-section, my husband did pretty much ALL of the carrying and lifting of the baby that needed to be done. He changed most of the diapers, brought me water and food while I was nursing, took the baby from me when I needed to go to the bathroom, brought me my pain meds, and so on.

If a woman CANNOT count on her husband to care for her and their child after the birth, or to support her during the birth, then he shouldn't have a role in deciding where the birth is. But if your marriage is strong and you can rely on each other, then it's reasonable to take the other parent's comfort level into consideration.

If my husband had prostate cancer or something, I'd *hope* we got to talk about treatment options together, and that he would value my input. (Actually, I know he, specifically, would, but as a general case, one would hope that a married couple would feel that way about each other.) Even though it's not *my* prostate.

[applejuice]

I am talking about most of the situations I have personally known. A coworker had an elective caesarean for premature triplets all of whom stayed in the NICU while her husband took her home after she was discharged, put her to bed and then left on a business trip. She had to call her aunt who lived locally. I have known of men who hired full time nurses for their women and went to work.

BTW, my husband died from prostate cancer after a struggle of seven years, was treated by the VA, and unless the husband tells the wife what is going on, she knows nothing because of the HIPPA laws. Of course, I would hope most couples would, as my husband and I did, talk about treatments, but he was the patient, not me.

In the case of pregnancy, labor and delivery, the wife is the patient, not the husband.

[Da WIC Lady]

Originally Posted by Ironica

For the first three weeks after my c-section, my husband did pretty much ALL of the carrying and lifting of the baby that needed to be done. He changed most of the diapers, brought me water and food while I was nursing, took the baby from me when I needed to go to the bathroom, brought me my pain meds, and so on.

If a woman CANNOT count on her husband to care for her and their child after the birth, or to support her during the birth, then he shouldn't have a role in deciding where the birth is. But if your marriage is strong and you can rely on each other, then it's reasonable to take the other parent's comfort level into consideration.

If my husband had prostate cancer or something, I'd *hope* we got to talk about treatment options together, and that he would value my input. (Actually, I know he, specifically, would, but as a general case, one would hope that a married couple would feel that way about each other.) Even though it's not *my* prostate.

:Yeah: I could not have said it better myself. Of course there are those husbands that are jerks and well, the marriage is not on the best of terms. It is unfortunate that women put up with this kind of treatment from people that supposedly care for theml. Still, it is the woman's decision whether or not to consider his input. Unless you know for sure that a woman is in a neglectful or abusive relationship, then the advise not to take a partner's feelings into consideration may do more long term harm than short term good by undermining their relationship.

Anna

[MonicaS]

Originally Posted by Ironica

For the first three weeks after my c-section, my husband did pretty much ALL of the carrying and lifting of the baby that needed to be done. He changed most of the diapers, brought me water and food while I was nursing, took the baby from me when I needed to go to the bathroom, brought me my pain meds, and so on.

If a woman CANNOT count on her husband to care for her and their child after the birth, or to support her during the birth, then he shouldn't have a role in deciding where the birth is. But if your marriage is strong and you can rely on each other, then it's reasonable to take the other parent's comfort level into consideration.

If my husband had prostate cancer or something, I'd *hope* we got to talk about treatment options together, and that he would value my input. (Actually, I know he, specifically, would, but as a general case, one would hope that a married couple would feel that way about each other.) Even though it's not *my* prostate.

While this is lovely, it is not the reality for MANY women. My Dh is as loving and devoted as they come, but he HAS to work so we have an income. If he isn't there, he doesn't get paid. He couldn't take off 3 wks to help me w/ our newborns, c/sec or not. I get DH for about 2 days PP. All other fam in town works FT, as well, so they can't help.

I think both H and W should be in agreement about birth, but I don't think H should gets 100% fear-based veto power. If he wants mom to be where she doesn't feel best(be it hosp or home or wherever), he has to put in the research and have an open conversation about it. If he won't research it or discuss it, why is his opinion more important than the person carrying the baby?

[SublimeBirthGirl]

I don't care if my husband waits on me hand and foot for my entire recovery. I DO NOT WANT SURGERY. Period. What bugs me is not considering our partners' feelings. That's a good thing. What bugs me is she wanted a homebirth; HE decided nope, she can't have one because HE isn't comfortable. That is beyond ridiculous.