Reality checks...

[wwisdomskr]

I'm 39 weeks pregnant and trying to celebrate it! What a gift! I can't wait to see what a difference this extra baby-baking time will bring to our postpartum adjustment. I know that 32 weeks and 37 weeks were worlds apart with dd1 and dd2.

Pretty sure that baby is still head down... I checked myself and am fairly certain that I'm feeling his head...it's definitely harder than what I'm feeling at the top of my uterus. Our chiropractor agrees...although he has NOT been privy to my cervix!

I have been close to panic attacks a couple of times...when my poor lil baby just wants to wiggle a bit. So, I've been doing a lot of praying, meditating and just trying to really LET GO. When he starts moving a lot, I tell him that I trust him and that I know he knows what position he needs to be in, etc...and I breathe REALLY, REALLY deeply and slowly.

Dh thinks baby is just confused and doesn't know what we want from him! We used so many herbs, etc, to stop labor so many times... Plus, I was taking the bioflavinoids to strengthen my membranes... Dh has perfected a little comic sketch of the baby's reactions to all of this.

PLUS, dd2 has been having a lot of incredible hulk/banshee/sea siren temper tantrums. So, I think baby is scared to come out!

Yesterday, our birth photographer had a family commitment that made her unavailable and she was soo worried. I focused on telling baby that it would be okay if we didn't have any pictures...but I did stop actively trying to induce labor. Today, dd1's doula is officiating a wedding... But, again, I've told baby that it's really okay. Dd2's doula will be here...our birth photographer and the midwives can help with dd1, etc.

I'm still seeing lots of mucous...but I'm having less contractions now than ever before!

Dh and I have been talking a lot about our birth plans. He has been reading up about breech vaginal birth so that we can be prepared.

My understanding is that our midwives cannot plan to attend a breech home birth, but that they know what to do if in case of a surprise breech. I'm not sure how this will pan out in our case... Either way, if baby surprises us, dh and I have decided that we will refuse a hospital transfer for breech presentation alone. If there are other factors/complications, we will reassess. I am NOT going to have a surgical birth, for my last baby, for a simple frank or complete breech presentation.

We'll sign whatever forms we have to...and the midwives will either have to go or be able to stay with our release of their liability... I'm not sure exactly. I'm not going to worry about it until we get to that point.

It is my understanding that, if a baby can be born breech, it should come relatively easily... If things don't progress smoothly, we're less than 2 minutes from the hospital.

We are safer at home, unless it becomes clear that we really need what the hospital has to offer.

I am choosing to trust that baby knows what to do and will be in the perfect position for his birth.

Now, I'm trying soo hard to relax and enjoy this quiet time in our lives. Dh is home and we're trying to love the girls up as much as possible.

My parents arrive on Friday night... I really had my heart set on being well into my babymoon before they got here...and I really, REALLY don't want them to be here for the birth. But, I have a feeling there may be yet another spiritual lesson in store for me before this pregnancy is all said and done. Maybe baby wants them here... I don't know. I'm just trying to keep my heart open and soft, and not worry about it until I have to. I've never found any emotional safety with my mother, but...who knows...

[yogamama74]

Thank you for this lovely post. I too, am 39 weeks today. I am choosing to stay relaxed and calm and enjoy these quiet days I have with my family. Since I am a procrastinator, I am also using this time to prepare things that until now went undone. My husband and I have been discussing the birth and some of my fears and it feels good to have these lazy discussions.

I know as soon as this baby comes, our arms and hearts will be full and that will be wonderful too. I keep telling the baby its okay to come out into the world whenever he/she's ready and I've been saying lots of affirmations to myself. Someone posted these the other day and I think they're great:

http://www.socalbirth.org/shelly/hypnosis.htm

Here's hoping your baby is in the right position for birth and I wish you a calm and wonderful birth. Many blessings to you and your family.

[Curlita]

Jessica, my first was a week early and this one "on time" -- and there is such a difference in nursing. His suck is much stronger and he can get more milk quicker. And he's just sturdier. A week can bring many gifts.

Thanks for sharing your reflections.

[chrysalis]

this is a nice thread...thanks for starting it, wwisdommaker...

megh was always an awesome nurser...she was born at 41 wx. maybe that does make a difference, the later they are born...hmmm never thought of it that way...

i am now at 39.5 wx along w/ sheamas. i trust he will come when ready but i'm getting impatient about it lately... he does seem comfy in there and not ready anytime real soon to be born. i'm trying not to rush him w/ my thoughts and comments to him but its hard sometimes... and you know what i realized? HE is our little man. he's our guy. that is a nice realization for me.

[Kontessa]

Originally Posted by wwisdomskr

I'm just trying to keep my heart open and soft, and not worry about it until I have to.

I do believe that is the very best you can do mama and I happy to hear you articulate it that way. You can do this. I wish you peace.

[strawberryfields08]

Everytime that I read something from you I am suprised at how parallel our pregnancies seem to be. I had a scare with premature labor that caused me to be so extra cautious and trying to stop contractions. I prepared myself for an earlier delivery. DD was 38 weeks and so I figured this one would be earlier. I am 38.5 weeks and still no baby. It is so emotionally frustrating after trying to get him to stay in for so long. I am very releived that he did, but then suprised and tired by the fact that he is still there.
I too have been trying to be at peace with it and trust my baby and my body but am finding it very hard to do at this point. I feel so exhausted with it all. Last week I was sure baby was coming. DH even took Friday off of work to be home and then contractions stopped. I have lost more mucus than I ever thought could be in there and now it feels like nothing is happening, I am just exhausted.

Originally Posted by wwisdomskr

My parents arrive on Friday night... I really had my heart set on being well into my babymoon before they got here...and I really, REALLY don't want them to be here for the birth. But, I have a feeling there may be yet another spiritual lesson in store for me before this pregnancy is all said and done. Maybe baby wants them here... I don't know. I'm just trying to keep my heart open and soft, and not worry about it until I have to. I've never found any emotional safety with my mother, but...who knows...

My FIL and step MIL are coming on Wednesday and I was certain he would be here before then. I was counting on it because there is a lot of tension with them and I really can not have them at my sons birth. Giving birth is such a vulnerable time and it needs to be done in a safe and secure environment. I feel anything but safe and secure when they are around me. I am trying to face the fact that they will more than likely be here and I also have been thinking of it as a lesson that I am learning. Although it is easy to think that way one minute and the next be in tears sobbing. I feel like my birth experience is being intruded upon. I know I need to let go and just go with it but it is hard.
I just wanted to thank you for posting this and let you know that I am right there with you. It is definetely an emotional rollercoaster at this point. How long are your parents staying? FIL will be here until Sunday. I know I could possibly not have the baby until after he leaves, but in my heart I feel that if he isn't here before they come he will be here while they are here.
And also congratulatons on making it 39 weeks. I know that is a huge releif! I will be thinking about you and a head down baby!
Rachel

[GinaRae]

You sound prepared and very peaceful about this and I am impressed and proud of you! You're a strong woman and a birthing goddess. You will do very well!

[wwisdomskr]

Originally Posted by strawberryfields08

Although it is easy to think that way one minute and the next be in tears sobbing.
Rachel

:

My parents arrive together on Friday...dad leaves on the 27th and mom leaves on Dec 1. I wish it were the other way around... My dad is very quiet and unassuming and probably has no illusions about even being in the house, let alone the room. But, my mom seriously has no clue about these things. I've been stressing out about her trapping me up in my bedroom during her visit...I can't even imagine how to deal with her at the birth. If she is point-blank asked to leave, she will probably not speak to me for a very long time. That's her typical response to my assertiveness and self-care.

BUT, I meant what I said. I am praying a lot about it and asking for guidance, clarity and grace. I don't want to hurt my mother..she's not going to change at this point and she really is clueless. But, I also don't want to allow her to hurt me. She has so much deep hurt herself that she cuts like a knife emotionally and verbally whenever I let my guard down. I want to be open to a miracle but protected from heartache...yet something tells me I cannot be the gatekeeper of this experience and expect positive results.

Last night, dd2's doula told us that she is leaving a day earlier than expected for Thanksgiving. She's leaving tomorrow at 1pm. Dd2 has been extremely clingy and vulnerable for the past few weeks...and there really is no one else we can think of to take her doula's place. She just screams and screams with anyone else.: Doula won't be back until Sunday.

I'm back to breathing in and out and trying so hard to just stay in the moment. This little baby is really giving me a run for it!

[strawberryfields08]

Originally Posted by wwisdomskr

:

I can't even imagine how to deal with her at the birth. If she is point-blank asked to leave, she will probably not speak to me for a very long time.
This little baby is really giving me a run for it!

Exactly! FIL does not forgive, and if asked to leave he might never come back. I feel like it is such a tricky situation because I don't want to come between him and DH and DH knows how I feel and will support me first. But it is his Dad still.
The other problem is that my MIL is a close friend of mine and wasn't able to be here when DD was born. She is a birth advocate for me and has never attended a home birth so she will be here of course. I can't see us telling DH's dad and step mom to leave and his mom to come over.
I am sorry to hear about your DD's doula leaving early. Possibly you will have the baby while everyone is asleep in the night! That's a good plan anyway, but they come when they want it seems. Now after thinking of all of the stress of having the baby too early and then needing to have it now DH has been the rational one and thought that maybe he will hold off until after Thanksgiving week is over, and that would probably be a better thing. I know that wouldn't help with your mom being there but your DD's doula would probably be back right?
Continue with your calm thoughts and prayers. They are the only thing that gives me peace. Even if it is only for the moment I am saying them or thinking them. I will be praying for you as well.
Rachel

And I completely agree! These boys sure seem like a lot of work so far!