HELP! I am having a meltdown.

[maisiedotes]

I am beside myself. Last night was our first night home and the baby was up ALL NIGHT LONG. She wanted to eat, eat, eat- she was either at the boob or wanting the boob from 3:00pm yesterday till 7:00am today when she FINALLY went to sleep on DH's chest. We can't put her in the basinette because she wakes up and cries. I am crying just typing this because I am so tired. I feel like a bad mommy. Not to mention I am soooo hormonal. Poor DH. He didn't sleep a wink either because I am engorged and pumping constantly while he is consoling the baby. I don't know what to do. I miss the help of the nurses at the hospital. Will they let me go there to live? :

Hopefully I will feel better with some sleep but who knows when that is coming.. we are waking baby up to feed her again in a minute and try to get her into a routine but I suspect she wants US on HER watch.

[Undercover Hippie]

(((HUGS))) This is totally normal and it will get better, I promise! Babies go through phases where they nurse a ton, it's their way of ensuring a good milk supply for themselves. I was going to say that maybe she would settle down once your milk came in but if you are engorged then I guess it already did... although if you got a lot of IV fluids you may have engorgement from that which could make it hard for her to get the milk to come out. Is she able to latch on and nurse well and having lots of wet diapers? Are you pumping just to relieve some pressure? I'd be careful not to pump too much right now, just enough to soften your breasts and then let her nursing do the rest. Can you just crawl into bed with no shirt and prop yourself up with tons of pillows and let her nurse as much as she wants while you doze? Expect that she will want to sleep on you for a while and don't feel bad about it, just treasure it. Make sure you're drinking lots, and getting enough food into you... the hormones will settle down soon... you've been through a lot, mama! Give yourself a big hug for all that you're doing! And if you need more help, don't hesitate to call friends and family, or maybe look into hiring a postpartum doula... those ladies are angels. Good luck!

[sorteep]

OHH sweetie, tough stuff.. Dean was just like that the first few days and it has just gotten better and better every day.. hugs PP has great advice.. I have a day sleeper and night waker as well.........it gets better, I promise

[MamaHippo]

Hang in there - this stage does not last long! She's gone from the comfort of your body to the outside world, and she misses that warmth and security - plus she's hungry for the first time in her life, so i bet she doesnt understand what the whole deal with hunger is. I second the notion of taking your shirt off, propping up in bed on your side with the baby surrounded and propped up on pillows at breast-level, and just lay there and let her nurse while you sleep. DH can lay in bed too to keep an eye out, and you can all rest. I used to keep a plastic tub at the foot of the bed when I had DS ( csection, so hard to move around) filled with diapers, wipes, water bottle, and Clif bars for me to eat during the night. That really helped - I didnt have to go anywhere for anything except to pee.

You are a great mommy- you gave Mairead life, and now you're giving her your love and your milk. You're both new at this - she's a new baby, and your anew mama. She's no more experienced at being a baby then you are at being her mom. Its all a learning process, and you'll learn together.

[chrysalis]

i agree w/ what the mamas said above... also, maybe swaddle her? megh would kick her little feet kind of and if i just put my palm and held them she stopped. kind of our version of swaddling at night...i think she felt too 'free' and wanted to feel like she felt in womb. i would definitely just try sleeping and sleeping on your side and let her nurse as much as she wants...and hopefully you both will sleep. make sure she isn't too hot as well...remember she only needs to be wearing what you are wearing...rule of thumb. and don't forget to put a towel or something under your breasts to soak up the spilled/leaking milk... hang in there...
love,
lis

[mittendrin]

Ok, mama, breathe!!! It WILL pass!
My first two were like this. I was throwing up and walking around in a haze I was so exhausted. What was the worst tho was the insecurity: Is this normal, am I a bad mommy for wanting to put that baby down and not see/touch him for a couple of hours?
It IS normal and it's ok to be fed up with it. It will get better, trust me! I tried all the tricks with my first two, swaddling - they hated it. Carseat naps - screaming. Swing, bouncer, sling, hop on ball, rocking chair, whatever - nothing would replace the boob! I think it took about 2-3 wks until it got a bit better. Hang in there, mama! I second the advise nursing while sleeping, that's what kept me alive. Be happy you only got one right now, leave the house a mess and get your butt in bed with that baby. Keep water, snacks and diapering stuff close-by and see if you can get some rest that way.
Btw, this is your first lesson as a new mommy - she wants the boob, you better give in. Pick your battles

[yogamama74]

Hugs during this time...take it easy it will get tons better soon. You are all still recovering from the birth. A routine will show itself in the upcoming weeks, it takes awhile. Be nice to yourself, its so hard in the beginning. Promise things will get better for you all...its such an emotional time!!

[Valerieg]

Hugs to you! The first couple weeks with a new baby are tough...it seems mommy rarely gets any sleep. But I'd suggest doing things like the PPs suggested (sleeping while BFing and so forth). Also...keep everything close! Make diaper changes, feeding yourself, drinking, etc. super easy all night and day and use your nursing time to rest. I know that sounds odd but with the right support you *can* doze a bit while nursing. I'd use pillows to prop myself in the rocking chair or on the sofa!!!

Good luck.

[Curlita]

All sounds totally normal, if frustrating. With infants NOTHING is permanent and every stage passes. She might be building up your supply, or she might be comfort nursing. Watch her cheek and throat to see if she is actually swallowing milk, or just sucking.

You might not want to pump more than once a day. Otherwise, you are telling your body that yes indeed, you need all that milk. You can wind up overproducing and dealing with plugged ducts down the line - not the end of the world, but uncomfortable.

I have spent the last four days with a snack monster dangling from my nipples in 10 minute increments, so I feel your pain.

You might want to call a lactation consultant or LLL leader for more insights and advice. Sleep when you can and hang in there!!! It will get better.

[oskie]

I'm right there with you- James will not stop eating! Last night was our first 'good' night where he let me sleep for 2 1/2 hours at a stretch, but otherwise it's all boob, all the time.

The only thing that is consoling me is that everything I read tells me this is normal, and that the problems start to happen if the baby isn't waking up enough to breastfeed, which is certainly not the case here!

Everything always looks better during daylight, too, so hopefully you'll feel better soon.

[renaissanceed]

ITA with PPs.

When Miriam was born I spent 4 wks in a haze like you describe, trying not to cry 24 hrs/day & trying to figure out how the human species had ever reproduced for so long. I felt like having a baby was a horrible secret that no one let you in on because they didn't want to scare you off. I called bf "the extreme sport of bf" (as opposed to "the womanly art of bf").

It will slowly get better but what you are feeling is totally normal - hormones & lack of sleep & the challenges of new parenthood will do this to you. You will survive & so will Mairaed - and she won't remember how incompetent & useless you felt, she'll only remember the cuddles & songs & love.

Two things that saved my sanity and probably DH's too:

1. If there is anyone at all you can trust to come over during the day and hold Mairaed for a couple of hours after she's eaten (and you trust that they will come get you if she shows signs of being hungry), have them hold her while you take a nap. This can really help with the nighttime sleep deprivation.

2. If you feel at all up to it, try to find a support group for new moms (a bf support group is usually composed of new moms) that meets once a week and try to get out. Even if you are late, head out anyway. Many moms are late getting to these. Just sitting somewhere with other adults who are also mothers with babes, talking about babies and other things, will make you feel more human (or at least it really helped me). No one expects you to be able to do anything besides dote on that baby and even then, no one expects you to understand the baby - baby is a mystery to you, just as you are a mystery to baby. But you can discuss the mysteries that are your babies and maybe get some insight that your DH might not be able to provide.

[melissakc]

Great advice already--just wanted to add that babies have their days and nights mixed up for a while. When you are pregnant, they are used to sleeping while you are moving around (during the day) and they really wake up and start kicking just when you are slowing down (at night). So when they are born their schedules are backwards. It will eventually work itself out--you don't have to do anything to put the baby on a schedule. I never woke up baby to feed or put off a feeding in order to get her on a schedule. For me the easiest thing is to just feed her when she's hungry and try to ignore the clock to preserve my sanity. The only thing I would suggest in terms of the day/night/schedule thing is to keep the room bright during the day and dark at night to help her understand.

For me the easiest thing has been to follow her cues. I found that mine does a marathon nursing session all morning long (like this morning it was pretty much non-stop eating and no sleeping from 8am to 1pm), then she sleeps for a stretch in the afternoon, then tanks up again around dinnertime, sleeps from 9-11 or so, eats again, sleeps 1-3am, and then she's up and ready to eat from 3-6am. Sounds terrible, but it's a predictable pattern. I know I can get a few hours here and there and a nap in the afternoon (thank goodness it's also while DD1 is napping!!!), so it's survivable.

So you can try to put her on a schedule but in my experience it's a lot easier to surrender and follow her cues. It will all work out in the end.

Also, I'd stop pumping if you can or limit it to once a day as a PP said. It's time-consuming--you do that when you should be sleeping. Plus, it messes up your supply. I had to pump 8x a day for 6 weeks with DD1 and I nearly lost my mind, so maybe I'm biased, but I have yet to pump with this one at all and it's sooooooo much better!

[GinaRae]

Okay mama, I have some advice since I am going thru the same things and last night was much better.

Lachlan had been up ALL night from 8:30pm to 3:00am snacking and crying for a few nights. Then he was sleeping most of the day.

-- STOP PUMPING. You're bringing on tenderness and more milk than you need. Deal with engorgement because it will go away soon.

-- Wake your girl up during the day every 2-3 hours to feed her.

-- Put her on the least engorged side for 10 minutes and keep her actively sucking if she is sleepy by playing with her feet and hands, tickling, light shaking, etc.

-- After 10 minutes, burp for a minute or two and even if she doesn't burp, move on to check her diaper and change her.

-- Then put her on the other breast for as long as she needs, hopefully 10-20 minutes.

-- In the evening, try to wake her up by holding her upright, talking, stimulating, undressing, etc... See if you can get some wakeful times.

-- ONCE YOUR MILK COMES IN she will be less hungry and more satisfied. So potentially after all this, she could eat at 10pm and sleep for hours, then eat again and sleep for hours again.


That's where we are now. I thought those first few days might break me, but we seem to have hit a better groove. Once my milk came in he is much more satisfied AND now I am not as engorged today either because I nursed nursed nursed all morning since he slept so much last night.

When I was pumping with my last son I NEVR stopped being engorged. Hopefully that's what is causing your problems too. Wish me luck that this continues!!

[welldone]

Just so you know that you're not alone--I just put down a sleeping 20-day-old Asher in the bassinet next to me. In the time it took to read this thread and begin responding, he woke up, and is now rooting around for me. I *just* fed him, both sides!

It takes weeks--even months--for newborns to get used to life outside the womb. My first took five months (she was premature) to get used to things and stop crying all the time. My second took 8-10 weeks. It's not always tough, and it gets incrementally better over time.

Hang in there. It will improve!

[GearGirl]

I definitely agree with everyone else, stop pumping unless you have some need that you haven't posted! It is hard, so hard at first! I agree with the pp that the first little bit to me is almost like a deep dark secret - with my first I could not believe the amount of work involved in everything, but pretty soon it is so much easier. It sounds like forever thinking of it as the first week, month, or few months, but the time really will fly by and while you may still be up more than you want after the newborn phase it isn't every second like it is now. My saving grace with #2 was that DH could get up with her at maybe 6:am, right after I fed her, and I slept until eight. Two uninterupted hours really helped! Plus, you are right now in what I consider the most hormonal phase of pregnancy and birth, so once that clears you will feel better!

[mittendrin]

O gee, I didn't even notice you mentioned that you're pumping. Put that pump faaar away for the first month or so. If you're engorged hang your boobs under some warm water and and massage some milk out. It won't help you if you pump, you'll end up making more milk.

[Googy]

I strongly second/third/whatever what everyone else is saying:

1. This is totally normal. I remember this at the beginning with DD. Its awful, but its short-lived.

2. DO NOT PUMP!!! You are just making yourself make more milk, which will only make you more engorged. The whole idea behind breastfeeding is that they baby will create the supply she needs via her demand to nurse. If you mess with that, you are really messing with your body. Put the pump away until you need to go back to work, and let the process work naturally.

Hang in there--this too shall pass!

[chrysalis]

yeah i wouldn't pump, as the mamas said above........it will only make more milk. the more you pump or baby suckles, the more milk is made...thus, the more engorged you will get. how is it going??? i personally wouldn't put baby on a schedule...just follow your heart and go w/ the flow (pun not intended but hey it works...). if you need to wake baby to nurse at night due to engorgement, go for it, then fall back asleep w/ her...i really don't think she'd want to stay up as your milk is really flowing and should help her sleep as well. mommy milk can be a real relaxing sleep-encourager. are you sleeping with baby? she also may wake less if she is sleeping with you, right against your body or on you. let us know how you are doing... hugs.