Would you pull your child from preschool?

[Llyra]

If you had a three year old in a preschool where she was loved and cherished, and where she was obviously thriving and growing, and where she had a close bond with the teachers and other kids, and where you had a great relationship with the directors and teachers...

would you pull her out if it was making your other kids miserable?

See, I have two problems with the preschool experience. Well, actually, the twins do. First, my poor babies have had three colds and a stomach flu in two months, because of the nasty germs DD1 brings home. My poor DH had a painful sinus infection, and now DS has an ear infection. All because of the preschool.

Secondly, I have to take the babies with me to drop DD off and pick her up. I have to go in and get her settled in the room, which means I load all three kids in the car (jackets and shoes and clean diapers and two trips out to buckle them in since I can't carry both of them at once) in all kinds of weather, get to the school and unload them and put them in the stroller, then bring them out of the school, load them back in the car and home again, with two trips into the house to get them in, which means leaving one alone in the car; I can see them, to know they're okay, but they can't see me and they hate it. By the time I arrive home, they're desperate for their morning nap since their ideal napping time seems to be right when DD needs to leave for school. Then I have to do the whole fiasco over again in three hours to go get DD. In all kinds of weather.

Which doesn't help their recurrent colds any.

I have tried to find a carpooling partner, but firstly I don't have room for another kid in my car, not safely and legally. So I can't drive another child. And nobody in my immediate neighborhood uses the preschool we chose, since it's very expensive and beyond the reach of most of my neighbors financially. I can't afford it either; my mom pays. So I would have to carpool with somebody living quite a distance away.

What I really need is somebody to sit with the babies while I drop off and pick up DD, but nobody here will do it; I only know two women who stay home. One has a newborn, and one is older, a bit unreliable, and hard of hearing. I don't trust her with my kids; she's a bit batty.

So I'm thinking about pulling DD out. But I don't know if it's fair and right to do that... Thoughts?

[Ruthla]

In your situation, I probably would pull her out. In fact, I'm not sure I would have signed her up in the first place!

Next year, when the twins are bigger, it may be much more "doable" for you, and you can reconsider preschool at that time.

[rabrog]

Unless you go no where else at all during the week and you and your DH both don't work, you cannot say it is strictly from the preschool even if other kids there have gotten it. Bugs go around a town, not just around a room.

I would start by bathing your DD as soon as she comes home, changing her clothes (preschool clothes go in the hamper to be washed). If she has to touch the little ones before she gets home, have anti-bacterial hand wipes in the car that she uses first.

No, I wouldn't pull her out.

Jenn

[GuildJenn]

I would try a few things first.

One is, could you ask the teacher or director at the preschool if there is a parent that would be willing to help you, and you could just drop your daughter off (the parent come to the car) and pick her up (the parent bring her out)? I know if you were at mine, my husband and I would be happy to try to coordinate that to give you a hand.

I would hope that staying in the car would help even the naps out a bit one way or another.

Second, the colds and flus really are lousy but they do pass as your family both builds immunity and the season changes and you get your routines together. I would suggest (given implementation of the above):

- "indoor shoes" at school that stay in a bag either there or in the trunk of the car

- hand sanitizer in the car

- she changes her clothes and washes her hands and face as soon as she gets home, putting her school clothes in a hamper right there so the clothes don't get trampled through the house.

- you wash your hands after helping her with all that

Good luck whatever decision you end up making.

[CarrieMF]

I wouldn't. For all you know DH brought the illnesses home from work, or you did while out shopping.

My oldest was ending her first year of playschool when my youngest was born. My younger 2 are 12months apart. Asha started walking 3 weeks before Nadia was born. When Tirza started up again in the fall she was not quite 4. Asha was almost 1 1/2, Nadia was 4months. Winter comes in October here & ends in April-May. I carried Asha in 1 arm. Nadia in the other. I got very good at scooping up 2 kids of different weights & physical abilities at the same time. Tirza carried herself & her backpack.

When I was dropping her off I'd often leave the younger 2 in the car in the winter as it would take me 2 minutes to get her in, jacket off, shoes on, backpack hung up, kiss & out the door again. When picking her up they always came in as we usually had to wait & it was more chaotic with 15kids being let out at the same time(at drop off it was more staggered).

During the nicer spring & fall months I'd walk her to the school. It was a 20-30minute walk.

It is a bit of an inconveniece for you right now, but trust me when they get older this will seem like a piece of cake compared to the running around & disturbing everyone's lives that you'll be doing.lol

Our youngest finished playschool in the spring & started Kindergarten. We figured without having to drive to playschool & back twice 2 days a week we'd save $ on gas. We're spending more with Guides on Monday, Basketball on Tues(which actually coincides with something else I've been going to for 5 years so that evens out), Sparks on Wednesday, Basketball at 8:30am on Sat & then again at 11 or 12 or 1 depending what time my oldest's game is. This is just the beginning, it's going to get much, much worse.:

[wannabe]

How about a not-direct trade in carpooling. So someone picks your daughter up and you watch their child at your house at some other time?

Also, you could talk to the teacher and ask for more handwashing, or a reminder about keeping sick kids home.

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

In your situation, I probably would pull her out. In fact, I'm not sure I would have signed her up in the first place!

Next year, when the twins are bigger, it may be much more "doable" for you, and you can reconsider preschool at that time.

I was responding entirely about the scheduling difficulties, not the germ stuff. I'm not afraid of germs, but schlepping babies out twice a day simply sounds like too much for everybody.

[4evermom]

I suppose your dh couldn't arrange his schedule to drop her off in the morning so you only had to pick her up? Would it be a problem to only take her every other day as a compromise (and so everyone gets a break and stays caught up on sleep to help keep from getting sick)?

[GooeyRN]

I would ask the teacher or aid to come outside to walk your dd into the classroom so you don't have to get the twins out of the car and put them back in. That would save a lot of the hassle. That way, it would only be getting them in and out twice a day instead of 4 times. I also second the idea of hand sanitizer and changing clothes as soon as she gets home. I am a med/surg nurse, and am exposed to just about everything. I scrub my hands well and take off my shoes and scrubs the second I walk in the door. My family doesn't get sick ever.

[lauren]

It sounds like a really ideal preschool, so pulling her out doesn't seem quite right. I like some of the ideas that others have offered.

[almama]

How many days does she go a week? If you can cut back one day (even if you are still paying for it) or two, maybe it will be the pressure relief you need. The other suggestions here are great. BTW I pulled my oldest out of two preschools because I didn't like the environment, so I'm not opposed to pulling out - but it does seem that there are some things you can do to work on the issues you stated. Best of luck.

[Lingmom]

Only you can decide what matters more: the inconvenience of the driving or the benefits she is getting from pre-school.

I wouldn't worry too much about the germ issue. Unless a sterile bubble is an option for you... there is no escape and they'll all get every virus in town one way or another.

[yarngoddess]

I would pull DD. But I think 3 is too little anyway. Hang in there, HUGS

[Naomi]

I sympathize with the hassle factor. But I wouldn't pull her out. I would, however, have everyone scrub hands with warm water and soap as soon as we're home. I'd also see if another parent at the preschool could sign dd out and bring her to my car at least some of the time, so that I didn't have to shlep the babies inside.

[Maluhia]

I have a friend who does the same thing - 4 month old twins and 3 y/o dd in preschool. Her dd's chance to be with other kids her age and not only "the big sister" is a huge positive on top of any learning.

I'd talk to the school about having help from an aide curbside.

[wannabe]

Originally Posted by GooeyRN

I would ask the teacher or aid to come outside to walk your dd into the classroom so you don't have to get the twins out of the car and put them back in. That would save a lot of the hassle. That way, it would only be getting them in and out twice a day instead of 4 times.

Or another parent walk her out at the end to meet you in the car park. I'd happily do that to help someone else out.

Her dd's chance to be with other kids her age and not only "the big sister" is a huge positive on top of any learning.

I agree - the two big sisters of twins I've known really benefit from being anything other than the big sister.

[girlsmamma2]

this was me last year and still kind of is this year. Last year my 4 yo was in preschool, and I had a 2 year old and an infant. It was MWF getting them in and out and in and out. It was very, very hard especially because no other parent even had a clue how hard it was. this year is kind of the same kind of tricky because I have a 17 (who up until a month ago was always screaming at drop off) month old and morning preschooler T and Th and an afternoon Kindergartener. T and Th we are in and out of the car all day and it's a physical fight with my youngest ds.

I never would have put my 3 yo in, but I do think it's good for her, she is thriving and very close to her big sister so this lets her make her own decisions away from her when she wants to, she bonds with her teacher and is around tons of kids and loves it immensely. I also had some issues with separationn anxiety with my oldest so them being able to see us all work through that and maybe getting into the gist of school a year earlier than her big sis may help that come next year K time.

I have been there, and it's so hectic it's mind numbing. My middle and youngest have become car nappers and I take the time to breeeaaathhhh and find a drive thru coffee shop! I say it's definately really really hard. Today I'm even struggling because my oldest wants me to bring her birthday cupcakes into K for center snack time but that would require drop off, go away, come back get out again, make sure my other two can handle being in her class for an hour, go out and wait until class is over then all go home. I just don't want to do it. But I don't usually feel that way and I'm the kind that will drive myself into the ground if it's good for my kids...stupid sometimes but that's me.

So, all that to say, I'd leave her in. Last year my ds caught Roseola but it was from music class even though my oldest was in preschool. so germs can come from anywhere especially at that age when their hands are in their mouths more than not. If I were you, I'd leave her in. You might really regret pulling her out even though it's really hectic. IMO, a family is about teamwork and helping each other out so they can do what is best for each one. Even though they are so young, I think they are better able to handle situations that require lots of effort. By the end of the year they may be able to walk up to drop off with you, my 17 mo does, and he learns to stay with us, gets the socialness of all the other kids....it's super hard but very worth it. I would leave her in, especially it sounds like she is having a ball. good luck...that's probably not what you wanted to hear! Take the holiday to calmly asess things (I know that's hard) and think about actually not going back there for your dd and how that would make you both feel. (I'm also only assuming this is a couple of days a week).

[Llyra]

Originally Posted by rabrog

Unless you go no where else at all during the week and you and your DH both don't work, you cannot say it is strictly from the preschool even if other kids there have gotten it. Bugs go around a town, not just around a room.

Actually, I'm fairly certain it's the school that's the source of our illnesses. It all the cases, it's been DD1 who got sick first, and then it spread to the rest of us. And always there have been other kids in the class sick with the same thing at the same time, and twice the teacher herself who missed a day or two because of the same illness. They do the best they can to prevent spreading germs, but colds spread through the air and there's not much they can do with so many little ones.

DD1 has never BEEN sick, so this is new to me, this having sick babies. She was 18 months old before she had any illness, and that was mild, and then she was never sick at all again until she started this school. And now four times in two months they're all sick.

Thank you all for your comments. I'm still on the fence about this, honestly. Their security policies dictate that I MUST come into the classroom with DD and turn over the care of her directly to the teacher, so I don't think they're gonna be cool with me sending her in with another parent, but I'm gonna ask around and see if somebody would be willing to wait in the parking lot with the babies in the car. I'm dreading the winter weather... :

[girlsmamma2]

Can you put them in a double umbrella stroller? I remember putting ds, who was 4 mos at the time my oldest started preschool somedays in a sling and only walked to the door and then back to the car. Then somedays I would put him in a regular stroller, others I carried the bucket (which was by far the hardest because it was a Britax and suuuuper heavy) and then i went to the umbrella. I'll still do that if he's tired. Now I mostly go from carying him to walking with him. I would just plan extra time in the morning specifically for this. The days when I put ds in a Moby Wrap, I'd give myself about 5 extra minutes for the sling wraping alone,,,I know you can't do that with 2 but just put the extra time in there.

I know your biggest concern is about the germs and having little ones. Believe me I have totally been there. With my first she was born in November and we really didn't go into stores or outside the house and certainly no baby groups or anything until it was spring. But some of the nastiest things actually are worse in the spring. And I was more of a germaphobe before but I think forcing myself to be OK with school and all of the it's ickies has actually helped me pull wayyyy out of that. but last year I would stroller him into the drop off area and I would never set the bucket down for some kid to just come up and maul him and I would angel the stroller away from sick kids. all this while I had to watch my 2 yo and who she was wandering close to. But somedays you can only do so much. One day I was watching ds, and another 2 yo that was suuuuper sick coughed right in and I mean right in, her face. I was livid for the next 4 hours! It's life. And as soon as you do something that you "think" will make things better you'll go to Target and your kid will put that thing the other kid you didn't see in the line before you who was suuuuuper sick in his mouth and your kid will put it in theirs. That's all it takes. Meanwhile you are avoiding something that seems good for your daughter. It's ok. really it will be. At school you also have the benefit of talking to the other moms and if something that really skeeks you out is going around that you think your younger ones will have a hard time with , pull her for a week to get a break. At least you 'll know what it was and what is to come. When my ds spiked a fever of 104 with Roseola at 9 months...it sure didn't come from a 4 yo preschool class, so I was really caught off gaurd.

[UUMom]

I would absolutely ask the director for a parent list and start making calls for someone to carpool your dd. It also shouldn't be a problem to put a liitle note in the school newsletter asking for a hand-- that you need someone to watch your car with your babies for 3 minutes while you fetch her back. If the school is nice, it can become community and/or extended family where people help each other.

When my dd arrived, I arranged for a teacher at preschool to bring my ds to school in the morning (I did pick up) for a few weeks. She was young, just out of college, and I paid her. I am not anti nice preschool, so I might not be a good person to ask. lol

When my children were tiny, I used to work out everyday. It was my sanity, the only way to get 5 minutes to think. I brought them to the gym with me 5 days a week, rain or shine. Man, I wish I weren't a total bum now. I was in such great shape back then. lol I remember wishing for the day they could get in and out of the car themselves...I remember thinking...someday they will even be able to put on their own coats. And it happened! lol Bundling kids up and taking them out can be tough.