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Moms with stepchildren:do you love them like your own? - Page 2

post #21 of 22
Originally Posted by Oriole View Post

P.S. If mom wasn't in the picture, I think that would change things, because I'd be "the mom". But as long as a child has real mom - I don't think I can fill the shoes.
In my case mom isn't in the picture, but the way it changed things is probably not the way you would think. Dsd has so much anger about mommy being gone, anger at dad over mommy being gone, anger at me over mommy being gone....sigh. She's got a lot to be angry about, it would just be nice if she were at least angry with the right people. The evil aunts who manipulate her emotionally, are in the process of stealing her inheritance, and who tried to file a wrongful death suit about her mother's death so they could profit from it rather than dsd and her oldest brother getting their trust funds. The same evil aunts who have planted the idea in her head that her father caused her mother's death, and that I was 'the other woman,' and various other ridiculous lies. Fortunately they couldn't profit from the death because Dh and his children were the next of kin and the only ones legally able to file wrongful death lawsuits. As it is, there is an inheritance that one of the aunts is in charge of that dsd and dss (sounds funny, I never call him that since he's grown) will never see because she has funneled all the cash to her family.

Poor kid. She's got relatives who steal from her telling her that her dad and stepmom are murderers and who knows what else. Dh and I grit our teeth and are probably not doing a very good job concealing our contempt for them, and we know her older brother has told her what he thinks of them. She has this romanticized memory of her mom, who in reality didn't care much about her and left most of her care to dh and her brother.

If our counseling helps and we can stop the resentment from growing and somehow heal, she might have a chance. I hope it isn't too late, and I hope I can continue to squelch the desire to spew out exactly what I know and what I think about the whole lot of them. As lousy as they are, it's all she has to hold onto. :

I think an unnatural relationship sums it up perfectly. It's work. If I didn't love her dad so much I would have walked away already, not over the relationship between dh and me, but between dsd and me. You just get so tired of But I also know that if someone doesn't keep trying, she's headed for disaster. Even just a little progress is better than nothing, and that's what we have to hold on to. I guess that's the difference between playing house and making a commitment. I can't say I always love her, but I am committed to raising her to adulthood with the right skills so she can survive and thrive on her own. With any luck and a lot of work, we can grow to love each other full-time.
post #22 of 22
Originally Posted by emcare View Post
Ok, I'm just gonna say it and hope I don't get flamed. No.

I don't love him in the same way that I love my own. It is just different with him. He has never allowed me to get close. I am sure that his mom had a lot to do with that. It's not his fault. It's not mine, either. Now, do I treat him differently than I treat my own? No. And I think that is the important part.

He doesn't love me like he loves his mother, either. It's ok. It's reality. We are fond of eachother. We play and hang out and enjoy eachother's company. He trusts me. He is a fabulous big brother to his siblings. Our family is happy most of the time.

Of course, I never have and never will tell him that, but stripping away all the bs, in my heart of hearts, the honest answer is no, and I think that is ok for our family. His mother and father love him like crazy, get along for the most part and he sees them both every week. Is his life ideal? No, but one can't make themselves feel something that they don't.
Absolutely the same with me. I'm fond of them, but love? Not quite yet..and again, that's ok. It works for us. It's taken me awhile to reconcile that with myself.
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